BITS OF FUN.

Manawatu Herald, Volume I, Issue I, 1 November 1878, Page 2

BITS OF FUN.

The fact tbat George Washingfcoa's wife never asked where he had bevn when ho came homo late at night, goes a great way towards accounting for his extreme truthfulness.

What man must have his glass before ho can do a days work ? A glazier.

An old negro cook saya : - ' Sass is powerful good iv everything but children. Doy need some oder kind of dressia.'

>Ult WELLINGTON LETT hi IV (fi:om ou.t ov/.v cy.Ukiusi\).\dk ,t.) : PHT.H COJIMf.NICATI.ty, Ono of tli.- advantage- arising from rai!* j way commit. dr. (ion with the Wairaripa is \ lie cs:al)lisllini.nt of aii additional d:iily ! iii:iil scrvi •■?, ho tli it there are now two iiiiiLs i>oi diem each way, TWs will jrovo i groat cjnvt-niei:ej to business inei>. XIt.VSt'.VAY i'IUITJ/J. i The success winch this, our latest enterprise, bus met with,. has completely astounded our " old identities,' ' who thought | that our " new chums '' were going r.ither j 100 fas 1 , when Hansom cabs were intioluecd here. On the day Of the Railway ])emon* stralion (i,OOO passengers travelled by this j improved means of street locomotion, and j tiii.s large traffic was carried with only five I engines at work, ao that when the company has extended ita lines a little, and the oth.r three engines arrive, we may expect to see this institution proving an immensely pro fitable one, as well as an incalculable convenience. I see that the directors have declined t? allot any of the remaining shares except at a premium. j Disruuiu.vdE in' a ciH'kcu. i Tho customary gravity and decorum of | the congregation of St. Peter's Church was j sadly disturbed ou Sun-lay last. This | fashionable eougregatiou has for one of its I members a hall'-witted young lady, whose ! love for a feline companion is 30 strong as j t-j be u:mblc to bja-r the thought ot even a I moment's separation, 9j hei' cat regularly ' accompanies her to her devotions ; and, as ; a convenient mea s of transport, a Maori j kit is U3ed by the young lady to curry the j cat in. Howevi-r, oa Sunday List, she brought a dog as well as a ca% and both 111 tho same kit. Alter thay had been depdsited under the ''eat n fow minutes, mutual salutations were exchanged, which were gndually accompauied with greater! emjmasis, until it became plainly apparent ; that gojd relationships no longer subsisted between them, and that open war hud resulted. The young lady then interfered; but the dog, escaping from tho kit, savagely attacked tho foot of a lady sitting near, biting right through her boot, and drawing 1 blood freely. But tho erriiiL, c.iniuo, lmv- ( ' ing b Jen captured, his lawful owner | : resort-jrt tj tho expedient of sitting ou him j (literally), during tho remainder of the! , service," and this sufficing t> quiet his troubled mini, matters went on more smoothly. TELKGHAI'HIC CHESS MATCH. j 1 For the remotest colony of her 3tnj 9ty's ; dominions to be able to boast of su ;h facilities ms will enable a chess match to bo payed by telegraph, -with tho opposing sidea distant upwards of 200 miles from each other, is a matter that we New Zualauder.s may well j ;bo proud of. Such a match is now being j j played, however, the contestants being j picked men of Wellington and Christ- ; ' church, and a hard-fought match is looked j ' for. ! 3tU IIAKTOX AND THE JUDGE* AGAIN*. More has been heard of this apparently interminable matter. This limo Mr Barton, i in his place in Parliament, has made very ! serious and sp?cific charges against the i Chief Justice and Air Justice Uichmond. The m itter has now assumed such a phase ' that the Government cannot let. it rest whero it is, and the question is now occupying their consideration as to what course Parliament should be asked to adopt with j i regard to it. Probably, .1 commission will jbe appointed to investigate tho whole 1 affair, as matters wear a graver aspect than when tho Judicial Commission Bill I was negatived. I NEW ZEALAND CAN'XIIIALS. i Members in the House the o'her evening I gave vent to their feelings in loud laughter , when Mr Macandrew rose and solemnly i ivad the telegram from the Agcnt-Goneral, stating that the English papers had i I news of six missionaries having been killed | and eaten in New Zealand. The ignorance ! of colonial matters that prevails in Eng- | land is really astounding, and that cultmed j and talented newspaper editors should { pub ish such stuff as this, or even for a moment dream that it could bo Hue, is only i another proof of this. j 1 COLONIAL INDUS I'ItIIiS. i The presont admiu'stratiou is bent on encouraging coloniul industries. Two contracts have lately been let iv the colony — ono for ra ; ls and one for rolling stock ; — but these I understand proved too small to eucourago colonial manufacturers to import the necessary machinery to turn out all the ironwork, as well as tho woodwork here; and the successful tenderers aro impoitiug tho ironwork just as tho Government has been doing — thus, it appears, that ao far, but little practical good has resulted. But, learning a lojsoa from this, the Government are, I hear, abont to call for tenders for a very largo supply of rails — probably 100,000 or 20J,00U tons, to be manufactured in New Z.-aland, from N.Z. iron ore. This looks like business, and if this Government succeeds in establishing a largo smelting works and rolling mills, capable of taking the ore from tho ground and turning it out iv iroii and steel rails of good quality, it will deserve well of tho country. This alono would create for Mr Macandrew's administration of the Public Works Policy a I name and a placo in colonial history. j