AN EYE FOR EVERYTHING

Mataura Ensign, Volume 7, Issue 414, 2 December 1884, Page 3

AN EYE FOR EVERYTHING

■By>?Gyolop. When the Tip||%e^laimant, some twelve years agopsaid^J&e gad been rescued by a vessel^n^eflf fhe Osprey off ttie coast of Sou&^AmJEdftca, he did not succeed in proving his statement. It was shown for the Crown (1 ; ) that' heVas riot ia'.the wrecked ship Bella, (2) that the Osprey could not, have, been in. that latitude, and (3) that there was no such vessel aa'the Osprey 'at all. .Now,; however, it.appears,that<the Oj prey is the be& known ship that ever floated. She is (lVa barque. about 500 tons, (2) a man Of war brig, ' (3) a transport, and (4) a coldnially-owried and trading vessel. All these statements can-be sworn to it necessary by their respective makers. I wonder why all these people did not turn vp s aVtne'tima of the trial when the facts ttiust have been much more fresh in their memory than now. I am very much afraid there is. too much or. the ancient, manner about most ;of these stories. Your average old sdt can spin a twister witUthe most serene confidence in its acceptance, and every time he shifts his quid, he adds, another, marvel to his tale. . If I had an enemy I should wish him no greater harm than that he should become I candidate for election. Jt is most singular 'that only the greatest villains, hypocrites, slanderers, debauchee", etc., etc., stand for suchdistinction. Look at the Blame-Cleveland scandals in America. Remember the mayoral election in Dunedin,'and, nearer home, observe, though in much milder • form* that in Invercargill,, The instinct, whiyh made, our forefathers indulge in war with their neighbors now : finds vent in elections, and whetfe we formerly' broke biir opponentsskull *we now assail his: deputation. But like true Britons we aro quite ready to $ake hands after the battle.. The man ■wtib was' yesterday successful, and who was in the estimation of his antagonist the* vilest thing ;on earth} this morning walks .proudly down the street with withers unwrung. Permanent quarrels oter elections are rare. A The most objectibKableffeature in most of these elections- is tbij' perpetual dragging in of the religious \ejement. In Invercargill especially this * is the case. Why. the holder -of a purely /ciyil office should be better because he attends a church or worse "because he goes to chapel is one of, those things I never could understand.^, It, is. noticeable also that in both ']jivercar:ill and Dunedin the candidates r who were supposed to be supported, by ,the r Salvation ,and Blue Ribbon i element were successful. Are these. bodies- really, becoming factors in public affairs? Quite a scare has arisen in Dunedin over the quality of its water supply. It has .suddenly been discovered that several filaughteryards were in existence . in. the •watershed of the reservoir, and that, fcmong" other things, tannin in large quantities was found, in the water, riotto speak; pf impurities more gross. Brandy has been popularly supposed to contain tannin in large quantities, and to derive it fronl the oak casks in Which the colorless; spirit is put, This would give it the astringent quality for which doctors sometimes prescribe , it. But we don't like it in our water, and perhaps its presence in that fluid so dear to the appetite of teetotallers may account for the peculiar acerbity of -their manners and customs. " Command have, a tannin would not at first appear a very cordial invitation} but; it caught apprupriately.be used now in Djinedin. . A'^Gore correspondent in an Invercargill paper has asked whether it would -be proper to get up. a niggar (sic) concert in order to purchase^ lexicon for the. Athenaeum. ■ Looking Very learned, he pays the paper the compliment of saying that "^xffinco (sic) dare luce'm" is nearly ii s -own motto. This correspondent is evidently sincere in his desire to gain free access to a. dictionary. But I might suggest that he agitate that the proceeds be spent in procuring a number of pocket dictionaries- He could then make that useful publication his vade-mecum. But he (or the printer) has accidentally stumbled upon a new translation of the motto : quoted' above." The Icelandic trord "funk,-' of which fwnco may be the ablative case, means an Offensive smell; in other words, a stink. Periphrastic'ally, the phrase would apply to striking a match, which produces a smell and out of it a light. And .this is what " Sotto "V"oce " has been trying to do, — to strike a match between the church and the powers of darkness. I OBSERVE that /.a^fltnan has invented a new way of cdmi^litting'^ suicide. He intends to go over falls in an hermetically sealed, rub % . ba . 11# .He hopes to compress "enough 1 air in it to lasVhini ten minutes. No doubt he will oompress enough' in ■ it. to last him as Jong as . he will want it. He hopes tc bounce , far enough, beyond the fall,, to land Him clear* 6i the whirlpool below. Omitting that bounceable idea, people naturally want to know what the man w.UI fgain by ( it. Perhaps he wants tc exhibit hiniself at a dime show. , , T&LT story about > the • parting of Sir George Grey and Mr Pyke is characteristic and amusing, but, I sadly fear, is not true. 'Mr Pyke is far too cun: ning of fence to be caught like that. What really happened was this:— " Good-byei Sir George,'', said Mr Pyke; "jWe shall meet, again next session.'' "J don't know,' Pyke," replied Sir. George cautiously. "Wemay; but then, what I mean to say is, we~ : inay not:" "Well if we don/t meet at we shall meet in the "next world. Lend me half a sovereign till then. The sadden, accession of modesty among the Gore bathers has its advantages as well as j itsf; disadvantages. One of the latter is the trouble it takes to mduc oriels 'nether limbs in the orthodox costume and the advantage is that the process has only got to, be gone througli once: ' Mr B. (an abbreviation for Bolus) put on a bran spanking new pair oi these giddy things ■%' other evening m order to haye; a sw;m. , Tiiey were oi Biost brilliant" hue,' and fitted him to a matfvel. But when he got theni off the ipatteKi remained aiidhe now goes about with aa internal that he is some Jlew kind of zebra. ;

Mr 'and tyrs Southern,, 'who have been prominent in business, and also : Good fern. plar circles^ in Luihsden, were, last Tuesday evening, the recipients of a presentation by their friends dn; view, of their approaching departure for Waimatuku.. The present took of a handsome timepiece, and -h vats made 5 during aa entertainment ,ar*!Za fin the, occasion.. Thair, departure ff^o^Std ' inucfi ; regret, ■ as "■ Mr* SbufchS^Tbeen.moSlactivl in church * a %indftV sehoolvmatterg. ; She has, alsc StSnyshed .forrber .charitable disKion^ andrMxs iSDuthern have SS'ed the mercftßtile busmess,:, anc