AN EYE FOR EVERYTHING

Mataura Ensign, Volume 6, Issue 344, 1 April 1884, Page 2

AN EYE FOR EVERYTHING

By Cyclop. BrSMAKCK has snubbed Uncle Sam. More power to him, I say. Fellows that protect &very villain that Rica to their shores, that harbor nests of dynamiters, and that want to stop the ejfepution of a convicted murderer just because be happened to have walked their soil, want snubbing by spmeone strong enough to drive ifc home and important enough to attract the world's attention. The Yankee Government may be likened to beggars outside of horses, or to purse-proud upstarts. Bismarck represents the dignified old European aristocracy. It appears there was a man — do you know J'm bad at names ?— a something somebody wfo.o was a sort of German Parnell, or let me say Bi'acllaugh ; or to come nearer home and compare great thjngg Mth small, a German M. W. GreeD, who j|iea. Prevj,q,i:a to that he had been alive and had been thy "thflra in Bismarck's side in the German House of Representatives. Well, when he died the American Senate, wishing to show how well fc&ejr were posted up in European affairs, passed a &epf.es of resolutions lauding him to the skies as a champion of the principles of liberty as sot forth in tk§ Declaration of Independence on the immortal "itk of f uly, 1774. They sent thebe resolutions with'tfjeft compliments to Bismarck, asking to have the ,dead man buried in the German Westminster Abbey, and the said resolution emblazoned I in gold on iie Emperor's throne— that or something else they asked. Now, Bizzy handed the document back, s.ayjing that in Germany the deceased was not of su|&c£eat importance to receive such notice, and that had he been he would have received it without suggestion from the (mlimited side of the Atlautic. Cbina threatened immediate war \i Fr&ncg attacked a certain impregnable fortress. Now that the barbarians have taken it without trouble there is no farther mention of fighting. Discretion is the "better part of valour. i?xmce wants nix. millions a& compensation

for the delay and armament necessitated by the Chinese opposition. That, when they get it, will be but a small set off against what she paid Germany — about three per cent. * The cable is very outspoken about foreign ' potentates— sueh as his serene highness of < Turkey. "It is feared that the Sultan is : going mad," ran the message. Going over \ to the majority, poor fellow. Well, no , wonder, when he^s so much married. There must be some tartars among so many. 1 Fancy even three or four scolding wives, ' whom one loved well enough not to bow- ■ string 1 A man of large experience declares • that a smoking chimney is no more to be compared to even one such wife that a little ' nigger is to be compared to a dark night. The very disquieting rumor is abroad that Major Atkinson and Sir G. Grey will coalesce to form the next joint of the Continuous Ministry. When th.it takes place my belief in the total depravity of humanity will be confirmed. la there no virtue extant I But peace, my heart I Rumor always did lie. What communion hath light with uarkness 1 The martyr, Joseph Mackay, has taken to the entertaining business, He sings, yarns, spouts against the Government Insurance, details his wrongs, and then offers to take lives for the company whose fortune he is' going to make. He has printed and circulated a number of telegrams between himself- aud the department in Wellington. A copy of them has reached me through my editor, and I'm bound to say they are good reading, I would print them all, but they would occupy two columns. The length and fullness of those sent by Joseph suggests that they were not paid for by him. If they were, no wonder he was hard up. But two at the end that he must have paid for are short enough, and Bhow that he must have been an expensive luxury to the department ; for it has, says Mr Thome, "to pay full rates I for all telegrams." AMONG the important things stated in these messages from the martyr are the follow- j ing : — " Mean still abide honest. . . . i Greater authority than Colonial Government j tells me cannot serve two masters. . . Thorne seems think can travel and maintain family on L5. My expenses in towns like this j LI per day." What a pity that he has not taken a leaf from the diary of " Another old Colonial on his travels," who got round i the country on sixpennorth of lollypops. ) Hbee are further oracular deliverances : — " I tell you straight that if I leave department will move political strings through Press to damage department unless you apologise. ... I had to pay id for last letter received from family, because had not 2d in house to buy stamp." During the trial at Geraldine he wires to the Premier for : copies of his telegrams for his defence. The Major curtly says he is not the custodian of telegrams, efcc, to which the martyr replies : "Your yesterday's telegram mere petty trifling evasion. . . . Relieve me earliest possible moment from unjust, unreasonable, uncalled for persecution part of Government official Bumbledoms, jfyour servants, and for I which you will have to give account floor 1 House to overtaxed colonists and insurers like myself, . . , Have proved rottenness of Department. . . I demand LucMe and Thome's immediate dismissal neglect duties of office, and full enquiry Koyal Commission, or Committee of House, working Department," etc., etc. So much for telegrams to Wellington. But I must give in full one from Wellington to Mackay : Wellington, November 28th, 1883. Urgent. — (Confidential). - — Honorable Loader and Walters, Director and Manager Victorian Mutual, aboard express train Dunedin to-day syping with view starting N. Z. ' Eudd canvassed them .with view pre- ' venting, their coming. Have few bank- j ruptcy-jJlacardsantJ others in' all, carriages, j LDq.not canvass them,- but be the , newspaper j [ >^J^elling-. , Anrriy jjie pump handle \ •judiciously.: UTeU' them ,- tbTar"^overnm6nt '; insurance agents are thipk,- as bee's ; hatd. enough 1 for them' to exist.." Mutual agents starve, or worse ; sympathise and deprecate ■ the unfair- advantage Government Inaurance possess. .They are to be canvassed ' again in Dunedin by Edmonds. George Tborne, Junr. 0 the depths of Satan ! Doss the gentle reader see to N l*he bottom of the above' 7 Rudd, the Christchurch Government Insurance Agent,findslout two directors of the threatening opposition', by accident ; explains • life assurance to them eloquently ; entreats them to take a few hundreds with him ; pleads with them by love of wife and needs of children to make future secure ; and on the whole gives them the impression that the business is well worked. Edmonds, 1 the Dunedia agent, meets them also by accident, and repeats the dose. But on the way Mackay is to fall in with them, and be the newspaper man travelling. He has previously scattered a few placards about announcing bankruptcy sales. Then he, having learned who the two gentlemen are, gives his disinterested opinion that there's no opening. Though, by the way, -ho is to represent the Government agenti aa hardly able to live, and yet to complain of the unfair advantage they have, which as good poople say, is not consistent. This Mr Thorne is the best paid official in New Zealand. He get 5s per cent on the amount insured, besides L450 a year. Laat year lie drew L2959 9s. If the department can afford that it can aSord to insure cheaper and pay its officers less. One third of the sum namud would be handsome pay for Mr Thorne. 1 turn with a gasp of relief from Mackay on the Insurance Department to Stocker on the Salvation Army. The ' Southland Times ' the other day published some fourteen drivelling reasons assigned by a Church parson for believing in the Army. The Rev. Mr Stocker replied to them seriatim, thusly : 4th— "They are the happiest people alive." Perhaps, but when one reads of ' Happy Bill ' one begins to suspect professional happiness. 6th-— "They are not opposed to the Church of Bngland." Thou I wish they wouldn't drum round S6 John's during service, 8th — " They keep awake when other Christians go to sleep." They do. Perhaps ifc would be bettor if they put thoir children to bed earlier, etc. I've forgotten the rest and kept the paper. I travel sometimes, and when about my one eye notice many things that persons with two don't see, In a town not a hundred miles from Gore, a church was being erected. The painter was busy at work, and on one of the doors the usual notice « Wet Paint " was posted up. A wag evidently went that way, for underneath was written " Touch not, taste not,handlc not the unclean thing. " m Now, query? Did this apply to the paint on the church. I give it up. If the latter, it is rather rough on the church.