AN EYE FOR EVERYTHING.

Mataura Ensign, Volume VI, Issue 288, 11 September 1883, Page 2

AN EYE FOR EVERYTHING.

By Cyclop, If the French and the Chinese go to war, as it seems they wean to do, the British will be the greatest sufferers, for it will be their trade that will be damaged in the blockades that will take place. Now.-a-days it is absurd to talk of making war on any one nation. War is the coinmcn enemy of all. Even the colonies will have to tan their stomaohs with some more horrible substitute for tea than has yet bejen invented, /

I There is a danger of our having to fight Cetevrayo again. If so, what a comje down torour vanity. We said to his defiance— " See England and die." 'He has seen England and despised it. He^advprpbably siid within himself like" -6W "Bony— " A nation of shopkeepers !" and like Blucher in London — •' Mein Gott j vat a blaze yor blunder 1" I suppose when we catch his serene blackness again we'll send him to St. "Helena. : '- ■

W #6)L Jo #aB- 4 ]ioy , in! oW sinner exhorted me. thus : "If yoa tell a j He. has profited in aHimilar school. He. will die and make no s ; gn. It is a cardinal virtue with the Opposition to believe that Ministers are rogues in a political or Pickwickian sense. This beief is founded on what they know of themselves when in office.

Whem'wrlqt^fcejmy walks abroad, I pee littfe 'boys' and girls carrying J 1 bil^sfV and' pgfii 4 fT[iey £aye a ha^it of' stopping' and ' twißtingj'Jrounii as I pass toplook .ay, the eye that eeeS everything. I have a habit of saying, " $ow my man; mind yon don't fill and ppill the milk," and they, poor little^de&s! Variably! 1 retort— 1 ' It aiat milk." The Hon. Mr Keyholds has seen f; 'tHo vrilv billies" and Jugß too, and has suspeotetl that uit aint milk?' He passed a Bill through the Upper House to forbid tne cTinareir carrying misery fto ; theitf homes^in^'tbilly "-fulls. What homes they, must be in which the children need such protection ! Do you think that the exalted wisdom and pungent wit of Cyclop is appreciated in them? J?o sir, no ! ■•:

I^lilVe : tKd't/& H: tower House— [ had almost said the Lowest House — was obliged to slaughter the jug and "hilly" Bill. All the time was required for hon. members to call one another rogues and to justify the compliment all round by taking pay~at the rate of nearly £1000 a year cash and by voting a pleasure trip to their wives at theiexpenpe/.of t|ie^mucji< enduring taxpayer. . OChis last humiliation hw made ■• meiiresolve to*refuseiaU f inequeStß to., Btaad. for vith^.Hpujae At next •5jWt»Q n fl, J S°M M.pW^Mrs Cyclop by allowing her to travel as ft UCnU IlCitUt , When a philanthropic gentleman of Sydney England ho received an address from the convicts in the chief prison) of, iwhich he bad been a regular visitor. The address began.— "'On 5 tlieeve >: of your departure from amongsftj jjjs.j" j Jj|{e criminals of New Zealand, iaight thus address the Ms.H.IL* '^h'6 l are^-atl this moment hastening from., the scene of their foolerief? t,ohgfc&st of Wellington gaol, the young lady who was pafaoned for not stealing the dolman, a troop from the Dunedin gaol now so famous, and the ghost of Davidson of Nelson gaol who died by the one meritorious kisti *of his' life; '[together HVT$p tHe Dummy ism .'swindlers not yet in anjr gaol, occupy more space in ' 'tliaii any similar n\inib&t~'o£ i holiest people v . A'-leaa reckless fcneji. thftft mine, can picture these worthies in deputation presenting* I ' an tfdWs to tfee swonjr6iil f k^" Oh che era qt your (teparEuVef ro^ft M tffif6iigit U8 By tiie way^waaiTOeTu^ot'th* Minister / of^Jdatice t6^<6ay tbatUh» pardoned youwgAlady could not hay« lD^ r "atfy-'^charaDteri«bgca9B9:ißho had none ? 'Was a>gallan(t« to say she wag a, public prostitute and had lired in a ;hqsße n o! £ Wjftrf ;are stfiiggli^ U ip j^ m^inf'Mll first, so I haven't time to WeaveTtheia together. Here's the raw material : (l).Uisend.!ok m&teTAseJ & say- " He that st^aUtmy purse steals trash — for there's nothing in it, bat he that steals my igobd.iaaffito :mn&t ;nb^) dsmatt fi indee(i? a , ((^w/ViJftlfe wßo'live ri^glass.houiess^puidn^ltowtltones." t | : H9Use ' .is^gethng to"he, f TerjT"ill T the gal with the -sore ey«, said 'Airy and saw cne statue of" Justice Iblinctfolded. Now, the " sore eye " means> -Wng^er^^^^a^ shall only be treated for "dolman stealing " if tiuflf be the chargo, and not f^f^YJDgjliv^dbiA .any?7partiQaUr house. At- Tl seWi* e U! Hke/t^iaedrirew^ firemen, sndragitiar^ on the^, f Victorian railways, are being examined by the. medical officer^ of the Dapartmer/t J iV J drdß T^W l %^^ui whether color lilindjQ»9s! Jiesdsts among them. It is abso'ntely_ necessary, in the interests of the public safety, that exr an,i|im'Bfor\B] stioful^be made tfi c^lain periods. This is about* the fifteenth time thefce 1 ' unfofttfcJnte men hate been oxamined.-, It seems to me that.,,nfter every .fresh. s,care t ,the JRtßt tl(\i>» to be is *«6'eii/rnitiii HTthe 'mon for cbtßr blin'Ohess; ''Ml yet acci'd^'xftß* 1 66 cur; i'evtifarlyi* <$?*l»a)£i lbot wohxier-ifithe railways'.^ tbtereras..bere i 'aro .-I tEbnbled.^itk-^goYeijning ,„ officers ,whph *ye. .mental ,color a^ Vm:, <wkuv&>< iiootfeailei!, '^^Yiwe I that I .w^'offA'an^'T^ten off ever'sWceV : Still F'f&l fc©rtkih w i!ifclls of excitement when''^ 'tfKe' ir- 'good game, Otago siauds only third among the proving. ,fchis.j i £c?ai' t iii the game. Both Wellington aud Auckland top Since Southland'^ tHrie representatives were so Vj^p^VlatiTely good perhaps another— otre or two from the ;^me quartet rf( wottld have turned th» scale. -■ "' )r '

[ Speaking-of~footbali"TeniiDdg n» / that -an JhverctfrgiHiteamir-sfcaft Pirates / — visited Riverton a week or two ago. / -Onqtheli-etupn tha: &m&Jiß&s&®fP**i the on the beach. In mid v stre'aUi ! whefe'the ""sand wa^ \ery quick one of the overdriven 1 ste>«« lay down. The Pirates landed, raa pirates generally do, in the-, surf. , sent back next day for the coa'ctt 'and. found one pair of wheels two miles frbm 'the scene of the 'wreck. ;^Fh T e~ oth^ wheels have gone to join Pharoah's chariots. There was nothing secßttional at the sittings of the Supreme Court; in Invercargill.} My friend -Hugh Borland won't draw any more cheques

■for a few years. The registrar* Mr > A. C. Henderson, wan admitted as a barrister apd, solicitor of the Supreme Court of New Zealand. The sittings are .jMrtr to. lie" held every four months. 'Tnis is oqe, of the 'signs of progress, deserve the notice of Parliament yet. / : IKtere was however one case, of some /interest to you and me, as knights of 'the quill.. A certain gentleman, who ruut a paper \ectmed on IrdWf The lecture was long arid thin. Like . the country treated 6f it contained leagues and league* 'of sedition— so says the Wniy: Another gentleman runs an A opposition paper, and he under cover i.f^.riticißing<ilielficiuro,,got into the pedigree of the lecturer and declared jjis father, 'like members' wives, had his passage paid by Government. This i:lktle stricture on the lecture has coßt the .write* of ,it £1,00 or more. , A correspondent of the • Western Stiff v -'iWwft? t'okhow if we "remember a man i WBO*' 1 got a free ride on the cowcatcher " on the Biverton line some time ago. We do. "Well," .sajs he, ."I'm. the man," and he speaks yery jwgHy of j)r Young and the Rirertdtiho^xtsS: 1 assure him that hope he'll pay for dm rides id future, and not lower himself to the level of members' wives.

. 'f hfe .Scbteliire rerjr brotherly,, and people who don't happen to be among 1 flwr brothel* calb them "'Claojish." - The 'Ctafedrifoiitn-: Society of Wintpn ;r.to3iK*^^4S&"fop the«?Uignl»nd Eelie^piu^; giTij^Scrottish concert in Injercargill cleared £125 for the hoshad luch clanish arms under them.

This leads me to the '\ artan quesate.«; 'ThfeVe i* ! t8 a fiftl^land "^ gttth«ring it Invercargil I shortly, and ■ $eo£lesaM looking up their; pedigrees ' ftncllryiiig' «o: find; out wbat their tar-* » >»teM ftT!ftvftnd,,whij'e they can get: them.

I believe some of them will have to be painted on calico. On the committee ' ; Ip^Wnfnies of ' 4 fikensteen' and * 'Their 11 tartans have been in-

atsired for and found. When the god Odin conquered Dugal XV. of Strom-

ness he took; away as hostage one 4-kin Sinpliir, of Steens. Him the Scandinaviana called Eken-Ste«n. But it is - tytiitt li^s.WSinSlair. '' '• Konn"'is also explained in a way to delight the hearts fe *6f Atigtelsitfflliteß; a 6. coharwted * J^w, ; who accompanied St. >vAndveW on this mission' to Scotland. .. He had a young son, whom, the people , .l^ption^tely called Kohnzie. This gre|enUT,, slipped into Kenzio, and then „ .,'in^M'Kenz^e^ autlior of these fnealogicalf facfs, calls himself f* An iPfflktok* ' 'Hf is a genius, »nd might M'liithseJf out % up-start fami : : h lies tbifafeiit p^di^-eei for them.

" Shipmates' r^unionn are like to become a fauisaticel and may have to be the subject of a bill in the Upper House ' ' P#xfc session.- The .* ♦• Robert iHender.son " immigrants.mefc on Priday in In- *, ?TsUcargill. , $ToJb r pne. expressed regret , .fo^rjtofrtjip^ land. : had they remained at home they .would have been dead, long ago, or Vse much * 4 fitiiipe^in'ptirse'atid thinner 'in person. )>lVeßty-toae; ye«rs rautt seem like a . dream to ;th6m.- The Moslem who ; was going to. ask the King's daughter for JbikSQf B|opped;to listen to some music. ' Presently he wept'in, and, preferred his i^quYsfc ' ' hjid, luj*e,ned . too long. '^ne maid was taarried, so were; her children and grand - children. Such music has the strife and labour of ■ fouuding a ; n»HoxLi; been^ to the i ol^ v idenU^es. I tjiink iff hen. Mr Chas.' Kidd^ who was born on the. voyage, was singing, the grey heads must have Beeh T thinking "An for th'e^ 'change 'twixt now and then." I . ; : iv-.TK.-j •■, " ''"n •*•■• .i,';- '..••. --i ■ About that fellow if ho wields the flci&ore in the • Qtago Daily Times' office. Why didn't he mention Cyclop 'in ? connection with the earthquake :^toridal ( Wasit originali he'll say. Well,

I wasn't there in 1772, nor yet in 1815, r .^biit it was ray piercing ieye that saw : where the story was to, be found and found it. JBut he is not a patch on the correspondent for the ; <Oamaru Miil.* He calls the late Parliftu. ent a " Select Committee Par* ; :l|ament/%atiiiJ thehisaya :— «• It used to be said thai the Hall Ministry governed by Royal Commissions and ' caucuses/ remains of that Ministry ? ate likely to keep the sneer alive, for w.e baye , r^eard enouVn lately about ' J^lect Royal Commis- ' eionf rs, and 80 on. There is likely to : , { |l<ea!^ummy]sm Commission over the : recent run?trapsactions in Qtago. This i 'mllbe more useful-than its title will

be poetic. Ko doubt if ''Satan has any special trade it is the land business,find any one who. does not wish to be ignorant of his devices should study we history of th y e acquisition of real J ""ftStafe. '■ A calling is very real when it * Begins to Create words • gridironing, dummyistn, and sharking/ as products of the colonial land trade. I must repeat my conviction that the devil i» the chief minister of lands in all young countri*B." Something Tery like that appeared in my contribution a week or two ft^qjand the fellow might have had the acknowledge the source of all jpi ideis and the greater part of Two performing bears were missed : the other ■■ day from :> the City of the South, and the. owner, having given v pursuit, WM onij; too g}adj to find pern 'J$ $ov», in an .a^tude of attention at ' the feet of five savaiw deliberating on % ?i ßeVr Barrel, Hey returned toj Inf enwgill op JVid»y evening, , 4 J'or.prQfundity qfthowgtit and for * ' variety of information let me ijiaert li «fe fetfbwlng geiii'of" a Conversation. Edendale \ -the ; Bcene| ijbe railway, Twotrainf are drawn: ftp side" by 'side and Two lady passengers recognise each other and the following loud colloquy iakes *«^>{a<^"for the-edificalion of^tne whole " meet(Dg :— ♦' Well, I shpuldn't have „>}#9Vi.Vy>. }"rsp,; I scarcely; ■, knew, you ■•' At first." 7 «Jndeed>i .well: 1 1 must ;have altered." "And so you have!" :: " Well. 1 ( ?Aidn't tHihk so, at all evenis," etc.» etc., until mercifully the train