MISCELLANEOUS.

Marlborough Daily Times, Volume II, Issue 170, 5 November 1880, Page 1 (Supplement)

MISCELLANEOUS.

One lmg is worth a dozen love-letters, and ;| they cannot lie introduced into a breach of ? promise suit. Cl Slander is like a tin kettle' tied to a dog’s |» tail—very good fun so long as it isn’t our dog. The city of Chicago claims that the revised returns of the census show that it has a A; population of about i>03,298. It is very difficult to keep your peace of || mind when other people thrust pieces of C their own on you. The best and most thoughtful newspapers Ci now allow contributors to the waste-basket to write on both sides of the sheet. Dugald—Did ye hear that Sawney M’Nab fl| was ta’cn up for stealin’ a coo ? Donald— ; s Hoot, toot, the stipit bodie! Could he no | bocht it, an’ no paid for’t? ‘ Ob, why should the spirit of mortal bo pro wed ?’ is what the young sailor said when /] the girl’s father raised him with the bow of } his boot. 1 :> ‘Charles, dear,’ she murmured, as they .1 strolled along the other evening, and gazed ;|f upward at the, bejewelled firmament, ‘ Which ji is Venus and which is Adonis?’ ‘Silence is golden.’—Aunt—‘Has any one been at these preserves ?’ (Dead Silence.) ‘ Have you touched them, Jimmy?’ Jimmy i.|| —‘Pa never ’lows me to talk at dinner.’ A French woman at Taftville gave birth to twins that were grown together breast to breast. One died immediately after birth and the other lived two hours.—‘Danbury News.’ Josh Hillings, writing from instinct says : ‘ To avoid all treble ov law suits from heirs and others, i have koncluded to administer mi own estate by spending it az i go along. Josh Hillings says * The mewl is a larger hard than the gnsc or turkey. It has two legs to walk with, and two more to kick with, and it wears its wings on the side of its head. /-M ‘Hmtna Ik - asks us, ‘Do you think it ' * right for a, girl to sit on a young man’s lap, j||] even if she is engaged to him ? —And wo i f|l ssy. ‘lf it was our girl on our lap, yes; but if it was our girl and another fellow’s lap, j|jj never.” ‘ Mr. Jones, don’t yon think that women gl are more sensible than men?’ asked Miss gl •'mith. And Junes, after scratching his ;] lavouiito bump tor a moment or two, said, ‘ ||l * D by, cert ainly, they are—they marry men, Ml and men only marry women.’ g| I said to my little girl one day. ‘ What a 1 large forehead you have, ft is just like | your father's. Non could drive a pony 1 carriage round it.’ To which her brother' 1 (five years old) said, 1 Yes, mamma, but on j papa’s you can see the marks of the wheels.’ ‘Sec here, George, said an irritable old man to his son, ‘J am told that your teacher says you're the worst boy in school. What have you to say to that, sir?' ‘ 1 have only' to say. sir, that she lias often to/.d me the same tiling, and always winds up by saying that I am exactly like my father.’—‘Ah! Humph! This must be looked into, grumbled the old man, as he strode away.

A medical writer tells this story of a celebrated quack. He was once visited by an old acquaintance from the country, who addressed him as ‘ Zani.' * I'm glad to see thce'st got got on so vinely, Xam, ’ said the rustic. ‘ l!ut how is't man? The knowest thee never had no more brninsnor a pumpkin. ’ Taking him to a window, the quack bade him count the passers-by. ‘How many have passed ? ’ asked tire quack, after a few minutes.’ ‘N- iaty or a hundred,’— ‘ And how many wise men do you suppose,were among this hundred—‘ May ban one.’— ‘ Weil, .all the rest arc mine.’