A NEW DODGE.

Marlborough Daily Times, Volume II, Issue 118, 7 May 1880, Page 1 (Supplement)

A NEW DODGE.

‘The fact of it is,’ said old Doctor Potts, the Los Angelos Coroner, as lie strolled through the Morgue with J udge Van Snyder, ‘ the fact of it is that these San Francisco coroners don’t really understand how to work up their business for all it’s worth and make it boom, as it were. ’

‘ What do you mean ? ’ said the Judge somewhat horrified.

‘ Why, they don’t know to really run a corpse for all there is in it. They don’t handle ’em scientifically, so to speak. Now we do that sort of thing better down our way. ’ ‘ Do, eh ? ’ ‘ Yes. F’r instance there was a Chinaman killed by smoking opium a few mouths ago in the suburbs of our town, and, of course, I was around there and had sworn in a jury before the cadaver got cold, and what with summoning, witnesses, taking testimony, &c., before night I had a bill against the county for 96.50 dollars. ‘More than the Chinaman was worth, I should think said the Judge. ‘ But wait—l opened the grave in the county burial-ground the same night, rushed the corpse down to the laboratory and had it embalmed and all ready for emergencies. Well, about three nights after that they had a froe-fight at tlie Digger Indian encampment, and so I had the Celestial pigtail cut short, a few feathers twisted in it, and hid him in a bush out that way. Of course it was discovered pretty soon and reported, and as the jury couln’t agree as to the particular tribe of Indians the deceased belonged to, I empanelled another one—nearly double the fees, don’t you sec—and gave the papers a rousing good item. It’s a way up plan to keep in with reporters, by the way.’ • How much did that make ? ’

‘ Well, I was about 243 dollars ahead on tli speculation then, so I waited until a lot of Dago emmigrauts passed through the town, and the next day one of them was found dropped dead cu the road of heart disease—don’t you see ? Same old corpse with a big felt hat and rawhide boots, and his pocket full of macaroni. I think I squeezed 175 dollars more out of the taxpaj ers that time. Well I kinder let up for about a week after that, and then had the remains doubled up in a packing box and found among the unclaimed freight down at the railway station, the papers wrote it up as ‘A Mysterious Murder Case,’ and wc had a ten days’examination. Lom’me see, I think it was 445 dollars GO cents the whole thing panned out before wc were through that time. What do you think of that ? ’ 1 Why it’s the most extraordinary’— ‘ Why that’s nothing, my near sir, nothing. I haven’t half got through with that Chinaman yet. When, 1 left home 1 had just kinder wedged him in among the top branches of a tree in the woods just out of time, dressed in a suit of complete black, with an old telescope in coat-tail pocket, and a pair of big green spectacles on his nose. Catch the idea, don’t you ? ’ ‘Can’t say 1 do.’

‘ Why, that’s the aeronaut dodge, don’t you see ? Unknown scientific party, fallen out of a baloon. My own design entirely. Splendid isn't it ? The corpse is a little worn but this time, I know ; by what are you going to do with such an infernally healthy climate as Los Angelos ? I expect to send the old lady and the girls to Paris on those remains yet, if I have to wire ’em together to do it. No, my dear sir, depend upon it, what these metropolitan coroners lack is push, enterprise, sir, and ingenuity.’ And the doctor reluctantly stopped poking a defunct stock speculator with his cane, mud permitted the Judge take him out for a drink