NOTES FROM NELSON.

Lyell Times and Central Buller Gazette, Volume VI, Issue 254, 2 January 1886, Page 2

NOTES FROM NELSON.

(VlxOM OUR OWN COKRKSPOXDKXT.? I hope my readers will not think that the J.l\ questiou is the ouly subject in Nelson worth writing about, but the scandal as it gets older and more developed becomes more and more ridiculous. lhe latest phase is the appointment of another couple of worthies tQ tho bench, Mr \\ illia' ll Ha ddow, a firewood and corn dealer, and Mr W. J. Bond, one ot the proprietors of the Colonist, both very estimable and respectable individuals in their way, but as much out of place oil a bench of justices as fvo men could possibly be. They are as suitable, perhaps, as ?.ny others could be for the purpo . e the Ministry had in view : to use as a couple of half bricks to shy at the heads of the old established party who have expressed their disapproval of the first objectionable appointment. As to ! the capabilities as dispensers of justice of the two new men the corndealer has ; egotism enough to assume the woolsack, Jor to engineer the precession of tho ' equinoxes if suddenly called upon to do i so, but I am afraid his command of the | English language would be found slightly i shaky in pronouncing a verdict. He is | very fond of hearing himself talk, is this ! hay and straw merchant; and never by I any possible chance throws away an op- ! port unity of addressing a public meeting; {and of there hurling at his audience ! dictionary words of portentous length i and unsuitable meaning. The last timo | I saw him on his legs was in the theatre, j when Mr Fell gave a very interesting : account of his thousand pound trip to j London in search ot the shekels to make ' the West Coast railway with, and didn't | find them. The insisive Levcstam rei turned thanks, and the ever-ready Haddow seconded, and said he " hoped the ; Nelson people would unan^^^^iljil^J^^| • vviiotivii'mytta!y I'ftiiwiiV- £! would come rather awkward if old Bosser I came befjre a rota of three J.P.'s to do v | penance for a night's carnival, and was ' | sentenced by them to 48 hours " imam- '; mously and conscientiously because ' 1 that would be apt to spin his holiday at ; free quarters out to something like a . j week. As to the Colon st man's nomina- ' tion, I suppose that is the cheap system y: adopted by the Stout-Vogel party for re- . warding newspaper servility. In my ■ newspaper experience, it was customary, if we supported a Government, to take I j the gratitude out in fat advertisements, i j and it has really a very healthy effect on j the yearly balance-sheet. It may not be ' | patriotic to look for reciprocity that way, i but it is very human. However, if the g , | Colonist prefers to make itself subservient j i to Vogel and his toadies for the reward of | a J.P.-ship in preference to receiving its j their superiority to the allurements of | filthy lucre. Of Mr Bond himself it is i only nee.lful to record that he wants no testimonial to vouch for his " moral and commercial respectability." He is in £ tact a lull grown baby, without any , opinions on any mortal subject. I don't think he even knows the differed bes tween raw grain whisky and three star. Gilbert and Sullivan had him in their minds' eye when they wrote " Patience l " A gentle and beardless young man ; e A Sunday school teaching young man; s A worthy good templar. I And shining exemplar; r But shocking bad printer young man." He is in fact the stock good little boy of s tie Sunday school tales, who always re* r maiuded a good liitle boy, and never s grew up, in his mind, to be a great big I naughty man. How the Ministry are to i face the mus:c when Parliament meets is r hard to say; meantime their action is y giving Nelson people something to talk r about, and me a chance to wind up my , barrel organ again.

After Bret llarte. I reside in Lower Bridge street, and my name is truthful James, And I think it only proper here to tell the little Raines \\ hich the Stout and Yogel party have been at to cause the row, That is shaking up the framework of Nel sod here just now !

The swells say it is not decent for a Minister like Tole, To harrow up their feelings, and to put them in a hole ; It would derogate the standing of a high toned Nelson gent, To have to sit with vulgar folks to nny great extent !

Now nothing could be 6ner, or more beautiful to see, Than the way they stuck together with such unanimity; Till a vulgar individual was enrolled among their ranks, For which unexpected blessing they have not rrturned thanks

'Twas a \>itter pill to swallow, when Tom Mashtubs got a rise, ' Anil the justices of " Culchaw " felt it time to make a noise! Still it got to be more bitter, as I think you will infer, When they added to the J.P. roll the non-/Esthetic Kerr!

But the culminating agony had not as yet been reached, For the right to scatter honors had been publicly impeached ; So to counterbalance what might seem too strong a smell of drink, Tolo pitchforked in one man of straw, and one of printer's ink !

Sometimes old recollections come to my mind how we used to get over over our logal business on the Coast twenty years ago. I remember on one occasion, at the old 12-mile, there was a great Warden's Court case about some water race of considerable value; and the Warden was one of those sort of individuals who had been pitchforked on the bench on account of his utter uselessness for any labour, either manual or intellectual. He was in fact a noodle who knew just enough to eat when he was hungry, drink when thirsty, and go in doors when it rained. Well, the great case of O'Tole v. Gilhooley was called, and all the boys from the gully attended in force as witnesses, plaintiffs, defendants, or sympathisers in the action, to the number of some 200; and the three pubs at the 12mile did big business all day. The Court House, a structure about 1G x 10, was densely crowded all day, and lawyers were unknown on the Coast in those days, so ever.£ man argued from his own standpoint, and some of them occasionally delivered such a broadside of language as has never been printed. The case lasted all day. and as the shades of evening began to spread over the flat the boys were all fairly well boozed, and the Warden completely mystified. At length the last witness gave his evidence, and there were about 15 men in the Court, the balance being more or less jolly at the three pubs, or settling the case after their own fashion among the stumps in the road. His Worship summed up as follows : " Er — This is a difficult case to give judgment on. Er— There is a deal of evidence on Mr O'Toole's side, and, Er— Mr Gilhooley's witnesses are also very certain about their facts, and, Er — on the whole I think the fairest way of arriving at a decision will be to take a show of hands. Those in favour of the plaintiff hold up their right hands?. Now for the defendant. The plaintiff has a majority. Judgment with costs. This Court stands adjourned for a month." And to show how easily satisfied the boys were in those days the only remark made about the matter afterwards was that they had a " very foi.ue dhrunk." .... - AYOKARI.

[Continuation of News, see 4th Page.]