THEY SAY-

Kaipara and Waitemata Echo, 7 April 1921, Page 3

THEY SAY-

That the Helensville folk are the slowest people in New Zealand and their clocks the fastest. Rot! That Coo-ec matches are poor samples of their species. Don't have to call, but coax them ! That in account of a wedding at Mangonui, a Northern paper states : " The young couple left for Rotorua to spend the honeyMONEY." No error about that! That some of the Kaipara blackberry farms look well. Despite the curses heaped on them ! That the municipal buildings in Helensville are sadly in need of a new coat. Of paint ! That the gambling machine at Ellerslie produced £10,000 for the Government. Oh, Bill ! That There is a young man of this town Who put on an awful frown When he heard that his " tart" Was about to depart With a " joker"' of less renown ! That Ratana, Maori miraclese, is coming this way. Throw your physic to the dorgs ! That a man in the train asked if Helensville is in a prohibited district ? WHAT ! That certain persons who attend the pictures insist on reading aloud the letterpress on the screen. Have the rest of the audience never been to school! That the talked-of local "Lizzie" race has been abandoned. Except the talk! That on Sunday a young lady and gent did their utmost to get rid of another young man, but their task was hopeless. In autumn time when the sun is low, Two are company, three not so ! That at the pictures the kiss of the fond lovers is very different to that of the married couples. But we, know the dramas are only faction !

That at Helensville a tourist observed some honest workmen (in white ducks, etc.) leave in a ca,' for some outdoor game, and enquired if they were " blooming dooks !"

That the Town Board's new taxi license fees have attracted more business. Pity the poor taxi-owner !

That Grey Street, Akarana, is keeping up its evil reputation. Enough to make Sir George's effigy strut away in disgust!

That the difference in boarding a train at South Helensville is that you don't have to buy a ticket at the station. The guard sells you one at the same price !

That the maritime footballers intend to clean up everything this season. One oi the town's many " Bobs" is in charge.

That a bridge over the Wai tern ata habour and the reclamation of 2000 acres of sea between Bayswater and Northcote are projected. A dream of the distant dim future !

That a favourite song; with a local woek-ender in tho city is " Johnny's in Town !"

That grocers find butter a very slippery article to handle at the present time. Squabbles about the price, but the real producer (the cow) says nothing !

That fishermen will toll you a flounder isn't a sole ; but not a soul besides fishermen know the difference!

That the music provided at the \ local pictures does justice to the same; but the whistling, etc., of the boys does no justice to the ] musicians! j That Lord Jellicoe helped to beat the Germans with his guns ; but the Scotties of Dunedin beat him with their boat! That the old reliable 7-cylinder Rumour, from Dame, dam Fabrication, is the fastest car in this town. The driver, Whisper, has a serious rival in Per Phone. That much unemployed, now exists in this Dominion. And yet we are unloading thousands of immigrants ! That sovereigns and half ditto are now very "conspicuous by their absence." Not counting a few thousands the Chinamen have smuggled out of this country, the money institutions have locked up eight millions pounds' worth ! That Lord Jellicoe said his boat lacked ballast, and that if Mr Massey had been a passenger he might have won. William wins eulogism all the way ! That the return ball .to the ladies MIGHT eventuate this winter! That our Premier will soon have a long spell on the Briny ! That owing to the dry summer, heavy frosts are expected shortly in tho Winterless North. To make sure, ask Allen Bell! Tom Tit.