DAN MURPHY.

Kumara Times, Issue 1162, 19 June 1880, Page 3

DAN MURPHY.

[From Mark Twain's "Screamers."]

One of the saddest things that ever came under my notice (said the banker's clerk) was there in Corning, during the war. Dan Murphy enlisted as a private, and fought very bravely. The boys all liked him, and, when a wouud by and by weakened hirn down till carrying a musket was too heavy work for him, they clubbed together and fixed him up as a sutler. He made money then, and sent it always to his wife to bank for him. She was a washer and ironer, and knew enough by hard experience to keep money when she got it. She didn't waste a penny. On the contrary, she began to get miserly as her bank account grew. She grieved to part with a cent, poor creature, for twice in her hard-working life she had known what it was to be hungry,' cold, friendless, sick, and without a dollar in the world, and she had a haunting dread of suffering so a-»ain. Well, at Dan died ; and the boys, in testimony of their esteem and respect for him, telegraphed to Mrs. Murphy to know if she would like to have him embalmed and sent home ; when you know the usual custom was to dump a pour devil like him into a shallow hole, and then inform his friends what had become of him. Mrs Murphy jumped to the conclusion that it would only cost two or three dollars to embalm her dead husband, and so she telegraphed " Yes." It was at the " wake" that the bill for embalming arrived and was presented to the widow. She uttered a wild sad wail that pierced every heart, and said, " Sivintyfoive dollars for stoofiu' Dan, blister I heir so wis ! Did thim divils suppose I was goin' to stairt a Museim, that I'd be dalin' in such expensive, curiassities !" The banker's clerk said there was not a dry eye in the house.