THE LOITERER IN KUMARA. “FESTINA LENTE."

Kumara Times, Issue 511, 17 May 1878, Page 2

THE LOITERER IN KUMARA. “FESTINA LENTE."

Many people do strange things when excited j but the most striking incident that has lately come under my observation was at the fire in Main Road the other day, when a friend of mine, on hearing the voice of the alarm-raiser, confiscated the nether garments of his better half, and only when well underway for the scene of -action, discovered the inappropriate character of his costume. I need hardly add how gracefully he retired.

Facts are stubborn things, but yet on reference to the report of the proceedings in a certain Police Court, I find the following: Magistrate : “ Pri-soner,-I find you guilty of intoxication in the public streets. The punishment is forty shillings or ten days. Which will you take 1” Prisoner : “ I will take the forty shillings, your Honor.” Magistrate : You are too bright to be locked up; try and remain so. You may go.” Prisoner: “ Thank your Honor.”

My Yankee friend has gone. I liked our American cousin; I went for his “ notions,” and he fetch’d me. “ This,” said he, exhibiting an instrument of a cross-breed between a jam opener anil a glazier’s diamond, “ will edge her up in fifteen seconds by my watch, you bet! price, 1 dol. 24 cents” I parted. Going home I borrowed my neighbour’s new carving knife, to try the edging-up business. I tried; and in less than lOsecs. by my chronometer (Hannah’s patent), the handle of that borrowed cutlery was the only remaining souvenir I possessed. As an edger-up, I am not a success.

Should you be offered a splendid specimen of the canine species as a present by a friend, take my advice, don’t accept it j it’a a delusion and a snare. Last week one was given me, and in making the presentation my friend said, with tears in his heart—“ Take him, he’s as good a one as ever stiffened tail at a bird ; but, oh ! treat him as your own”—[here he broke down, and left]. Now I fooled around that dog, bought a new set of fixings, made my wife’s best flour-barrel into a com* fortable dwelling for his accommodation, and otherwise attended to his' wants generally ; and he was happy. And so was I—until the following day, when a gentleman dressed in dark-blue, walked into my house with the startling interrogation,. “ Is it a dawg you have?” “Proud of my new gift,”

rimmediately-trotted it out for his especial benefit, thinking from hia looks he was a connoisseur. “ Its ten shillings you’ll pay," said he ; “ and it’s an* illegant collar intirely you’ll get for the same.” I paid, and became from that moment, a licensed dog retainer. “He might be mad, but he was humorous for all that,” was the remark of a gentleman who is in the habit of visiting the various Lunatic Asylums in the colony ; and on going into one which he had_provjojualy..yisited, and seeing there a distipguished-looking man sitting moodily alone, went up and said to him, “ How do yo fio 1 I think I have seen you before. May I ask your namel” “My name!” returned the man fiercely'; “ I am Alexander the Great!" “ Why,” said the visitor, who suddenly remembered having already had a discussion with the man, “ the last time I was here you were St. Paul !” “ Yes, of course,” the man rejoined quickly, “ but that was by the first wife.”

Frank Truman. s