THE LOITERER IN KUMARA. “FESTINA LENTE.”

Kumara Times, Issue 445, 28 February 1878, Page 2

THE LOITERER IN KUMARA. “FESTINA LENTE.”

I happened to stroll into the Resident Magistrate’s Court this morning in time to hear from a witness in the box a definition of drunkenness quite novel to me. In reply to the question “Were you also drunk at the time?” he said “ Your Worship I was not sober, but I was not under the influence of drink.” Mr Price, who can see about as far through a millstone as most Magistrates, in this case applied the rule that “two negatives make an affirmative.”

Who is responsible for ranging the lunatics outside the Hokitika Asylum, the other day, when Sir George Grey and party pas-ed? Were I instructed by Sir George to find out, I should commence my search amongst that portion of the inmates of the Asvlum itself classed under the heading of “ harmless but hopeless imbeciles.”

This is the sort of literary pabulum to which the Charleston Herald treats its readers.—“ Looking at the matter from our antipodean light, which is indeed very flickering, (I shouid think so !) owing to the numerous panic-strik-ing rumors, transmitted by cable, which are either flatly contradicted, or otherwise mollified by subsequent revelations, we can only give it as our opinion that the Great Powers themselves are just, as ourselves “ in a stew,” (very likely) and in trying to pull themselves out of the mire are only sinking deeper into it. Therecan .be no doubt that Turkey is greatly incensed at England’s conduct in not having aided them to fight Russia* and now in return, no doubt, offers to grant her no chance to “protect the long, heard of “ British interests.” If England had joined Turkey after the crossing of the Danube by the Russians, mayhap the present moment would not be productive of such extraordinary circumstances.” And that editor still lives !

An excellent yarn is told by a medical correspondent of an English paper. “ A patient of mine, a middle-aged clergyman, was suffering from some slight symptoms of gout. I recommended a glass of hot whisky-and- water qyery day, in preference to physic of any kind; but my reverend friend, with upturned eyes, absolutely refused to accept my prescription, saying; ‘ No, ho, doctor; I have all my life preached against alcohol in any form. If that is the only remedy, I must continue to suffer. ‘ Besides/ said he, if I rang for hot water, my servants would guess its purpose. Said I, * You shave, ring the bell for shaving water • mix your glass of medicinal whisky, and who will be the wiser but yourself T The parson at last submitted; we warmly shook hands and parted. In a few weeks’ time, ujy carriage passing the clergyman’s door, reminded me of my clerical friend. I touched the bell, and the thin, careworn face of a once robust housekeeper answered me. * Well,’ said I, * how’s your master V ‘Stark, starin’ mad, sir—mad.as he can be,’ ‘Mad;how; what, how mad I }’ ‘Lor,’ sir, mad as he can be; why, he shaves himself about twenty times every day I’ was the innocent reply.” Frank Truman.