THE LOITERER IN KUMARA.

Kumara Times, Issue 305, 15 September 1877, Page 2

THE LOITERER IN KUMARA.

" FESTINA LENTK."

Never do things by halves. A poor fellow, who ignored this golden rule, got himself into trouble a day or two ago. He had been a " Loafer," and hia friends had exhorted him to " take a shovel and no and dig." He followed a moiety of their advice, he took a shovel—in fact three shovels—and omitted to follow the other moiety. He did not "go and dig." The consequence was that for taking the shovels he was sentenced to three months' imprisonment with hard labour,

Kumarahasnow the honor of possessing a gaol, and a gaoler, I was going to congratulate Constable Loftus on his promotion but forebore when I found that the honour was unaccompanied by increase of salary. Like the other hotel keepers in Kumara, he won't make a fortune out of his boarders.

*" John Chinaman is not a likely victim for a subscription canvasser. Great credit is due to anyone who could extract coin from him. I am told that a worthy councillor of this good Borough managed to get a half-sovereign from a Chinaman for the Presbyterian Church building fund. John had a difficulty in comprehending for what object his money was wanted, but was perfectly satisfied when a' by-Stander explained that it waa for a " J oss house for Scotchmen."

The Hon. Secretary for the Juvenile Industrial Exhibition at Ballarat is a pushing fellow. He has advertised his hobby throughout the Colonies, and managed to do so without incurring any expense. His literary efforts are not exactly in the style of prize essays but their earnestness must make amends for their defective grammar. His last letter informs his " young friends" that he could say more but his " hands and head are full." T wonder that he does not try the remedy for fulness of the head whioh our grandmothers used to recommend. Let him tallow hia nose before going to bed. There has been a comic opera company performing in Auckland lately, and it has proved a most successful speculation for the enterprising amusement caterer Mr De Lias. The management appears to have emulated the man who when told that the first lesson in skating was the moßt difficult said he would begm with the second. A local critic leads me to infer that one piece was represented " for the third time" on three several nights. His words are "It is seldom that a third representation of even a popular work will draw full houses for three separate nights during a short season." .Seldom [is it ?I should have supposed—never,

Where was " Our sporting contributor" that he did not report in the Kumara Times the following event which a little bird tells me " came off' in the small hours one morning this week. It was for a wager of course. He rode (as children do a stick) a pick from his house down to the Zig-zig and back, and afterwards knocked up a blacksmith, at four o'clock, to get the use of the forge at which he sharpened the said pick. Who was he ? The omission of a few words in my last week's contribution, Mr Editor, made me responsible for an opinion I by no means entertain. I was made to say that the man who prosecutes another for libel deserves punishment. Before "prosecutes" I intended to insert the words ■""without jußt cause." I need hardly say that Pthink the wilful libeller should be prosecuted unmercifully. He is a disgrace to journalism. I can assure my readers that if they hope that they will ever find me soiling paper with a libel they may make up their minds to be disappointed. Whilst I may hold up to ridicule vice or folly, I trust that I may do so without the malice which I take to bo an essential part of criminal libel. The Grey County Council have lost the services of one whoae fellow is not to be found. Their road overseer has resigned. This gentleman possesses a poetic geaiua which asserts itself in the most unlikely situations. Who would look for poetry in a long Rn d exhaustive report upon roads ? Yet he manages to mingle with six columns of statistical prose the following couplets:— ■■" Oh ever thus from childhood's hour, I've seen my fondest hopes decay," And, "The lights and shades whose wellaccorded strife, Give ail the strength and color to our life."

And, " A tinkering slave maker who mends old

chains, With God and man's displeasure for my fiTHillß." Some ptople object to music being in-

troduced into divine worship, whiht others can hardly imagine worship without music. At a plac* called Tariro, the sister accomplishment to music—daniiuit; - -has been introduced not into worship exactly, but into a Presbyterian Church, The fasts are thus stated by a member of a northern Presbyterian assembly. "Mr Patterson said he did not thiak the Presbytery knew that there was such a church in existence as the Tararu Presbyterian Church, and the desire which animated him in mentioning it was, that some irregularities in its management should be promptly checked. The building had been erected by the Presbyterians, and four trustees appointed. The Rev. Mr McKee had preached in it for a time, but since his departure from the Thames a morning service had been conducted by a member of St. James's Church (Mr Fulljames), the congregation agreeing to pay him a small salary. Now, Mr Fulljames had not received payment since the end of 1875, buc, notwithstanding this neglect continued his ministration. The Episcopalians had been allowed to conduct service in the building each Sunday evening in consideration of paying a weekly .sum of ss. As soon, however, as the debt on the church had been extinguished the payments had been discontinued. Then again one of the trustees, viz., Mr Stevenson, had taken it upon himself to hold concerts in connection with the ohurch, with dancing as a finish up. That was rather a nice state of things in a church." A nice state of things truly 1 What next?

" While the case of the Madeville and Rangiora Road Board vereus J. Bassingthwaite, was being heard in the R. M. Court, Rangiora, some persons in the body of the Court volunteered a distinct mark of disrespect by hissing. His Worship (Mr Whitefoord) at onoe ordered the offenders to be brought up. They could not, however, be discovered, and the Magistrate said that if Bach a thing were repeated, he would commit the offenders for 14 days, without mitigation. He would allow of no expression of approval or disapproval in that Court." Quite right Mr Whitefoord, but you remember Mrs Glass's directions as to the proper method of cooking hare: —" first catch your hare."

A certain friend of mine is devoted to- " amateur theatricals." His dog even has become attached to the stage. The other day, my friend left Kumara and took his dog with him to Grey month. The poor animal actually returned from Grey mouth, forsaking his master, and took to the stage. He was found at the Theatre Royal, and thence sent back to Grey mouth. The New Zealand Sun designates Kumara " that wonderful digging hamlet." And Kumara has a Mayor and councillors nine ! Hamlet indeed ! Frank Truman.