WISE AND OTHERWISE.

King Country Chronicle, Volume V, Issue 363, 24 May 1911, Page 6

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

THE WAG AND THE SWAG. "It was the narrowest escape I ever had in all my born days !" gasped Bill Sikes, as he hurried liis accomplice down a side street at 'i a. m. "But 'avc ycr got the swag?" queried his companion. "Na-o !" snorted the crook. "You listen ! I was under the bed, an' I 'appened to get on a loose board an' make a creak. 'ls that you, Fido ?' asked the master of the 'ouse. I tell yer, me 'eart was in me mouf. But I crep' 'arfway out, to where 'is 'and was 'anging listless-like by the side of the bed, an' bust me if I didn't lick it ! Talk about Mister Raffles ! Why, if I'd 'ad a tail, blow me if I wouldn't 'ave wagged it, jus' for the art of the thing !" A SPADE'S A SPADE. The delightful occupation in which Tommy was engaged was digging for worms in the garden, and the delightful occupation of Arthur —in petticoats—was watching him. The mother of the heavenly infants took one glance out of the window to reassure herself that all was well, and then proceeded with her knitting.

A moment later and the air was thick with yells.

"I<'or goodness' sake," cried mamma, rushing out to find Arthur lying roaring on the giound, "what have you done Tommy ?" "Well," said Tommy, on the defensive, "didn't you tell me most particularly to look after Artie, and see no harm came to him ?" '"Well ?" wailed mamma, snatching her youngest to her arms. "Well," repeated Tommy, "there was a nasty, naughty fly biting him on the head, so I sliced it in half with my spade !"

An amusing yarn is told of a wellknown London K.C.

A young man entered his chambers one day—a young man who, by his manner, his dress, and his bumptiousness, evidently thought himself no small beer. "I am Mr. Algernon Marmaduke Van der Splosh," he announced. "Oh, indeed," replied the K.C. ; "take a chair." "Yes," continued Algernon Marmaduke, etc., feeling that the eminent counsel was not sufficiently impressed by his importance. "I am the son-in-law of Lord Duunohoo." "Great Scott !" ejaculated the K. C., 'in that case take two chairs !" Visitor : "Can you tell mc wherf Mr. Greeucorn's cottage is ?" Country Youth : "I can for two pence." Visitor : "Here you arc ; now where is it ?" Country Youth: ''lt's burned down." "How do you do, sare ?" said a Frenchman to an English acquaint nnce. "Rather poorely, thank you," answered the other, "Nay, mv dear sare," said the Frenchman ; "don't thank me for your illness. I cannot help it."