WISE AND OTHERWISE.

King Country Chronicle, Volume V, Issue 361, 17 May 1911, Page 2

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

EVERYBODY'S GAMP. "What have you to say for yourself ?" asked the J.P. of the man who had been arrested for stealing his neighbour's umbrella. "Are you guilty or not guilty ?" "Well," replied the defendant, "I'm one of the guiltics." "One of the guiltics ?" repeated the J.P. "What do you mean ? How many men do you think it takes to steal an umbrella ?" "As many as you like, I expect," responded the defendant. "The umbrella had the name of J. Thomson stamped on the inside of the cover, 5. H. Brickerley on the handle, and I stole it from a man named Quimby." EXPRESSES GRATITUDE. John Smith had worked for the corporation for forty-odd years, anl decided to retire. The company, m consideration of his long and faithful service, arranged to give him a monetary recognition. The superintendent of the works, a German and an extra good mechanic, was asked to present it. He was advised to use a little sentiment in making the presentation speech, and this is the way he did it : '"John, you hafl work for the company over forty years ?" "Yes." "You are going to retire ?" "Yes." "Veil ! They are so glad of it that they asked me to hand you this twenty pounds." A TALKATIVE PARROT. The peculiar charm of parrots is that when they do mischief it is generally amusing mischief, something that yields a good story. Probably the chemist who figures in a recent anecdote is even prouder of his pet than he was before the pet alienated a customer. The parrot is large and green, alert to hear, and prompt to prove that he remembers. His cage hangs uear the telephone, -with the result that Polly has become quite proficient in "telephone talk," and furnishes much amusement to customers who have time to stop and listen. The other day a stylishly-dressed young woman came rushing into the shop and asked permission to use the 'phone. The man oi drugs pointed to the rear, and she started in that direction. The place was rather dark, and when she heard someone apparently talking into the receiver, she seated herself to wait. "Halloa, Central-holloa, hulloa—yes, give me four-double-eight. Yes —halloa ; who is that ? Oh, yes ; svhat ? yes ; halloa, I say no I didn't get that ; is that so ? well, good-bye ; ring off, halloa, Central ; halloa, halloa, give me " and so on, and so on, through several repetitions. Then the young woman rose and advanced with a. stately air to the assistant, and asked if he thought "that person" intended to use the telephone all day. "Why that's only the parrot. HeHut the shop door had slammed before he could finish his sentence.