RANDOM REMARKS.

King Country Chronicle, Volume III, Issue 130, 11 February 1909, Page 5

RANDOM REMARKS.

(Contributions to this column are always welcome from any part of the dbtrict. The Editor does not vouch for the authenticity of the stories, nor is he responsible for the criticisms.]

1 have always maintained that bachelors have at least two natures. They display one when they meet a I young lady on the road, and discharge j the other when they hit their thumb i nail with a elaw hammer. Other things may also cause this last nature to esJ cape. t have seen it escape along with i milk when an old row with 8 BurnsJolmwn stroke has hit a bachelor in the huckcL Excuse my digressing, but whs! a strange- thing it is that a cow can kick the bucket many times and a man only once, and then the good he has ihnc tjt interred with his bones? O weak and puny, mortal, luckless | man! I feet better now. 1 shall proI cecd. The first nature 1 have men- | tinned in bachelors is most peculiar. 1 1 knew an old gentleman named— , i but what matters his name. He was qnerr in many ways. After a meal he ttmiM r>fli;t lie down for hours and i become quite unconscious. This was I que«*r: but far more queer is the fact that he would always recover in time | for breakfast. As you see he was I awfully absurd. One day he fell in love. Oh how the Gods and the people smiled! 1 met him a few years ago. He lis not married yet. The world is full |of absurdities. Love is the only realii ty. Even it won't bear the light of | reason. An acquaintance of mine be-

j came quite miserable because he loved Ik Jane Jones. One evening 1 approached j him unobserved, and he was soliloquising in a deep bass voice and his p>jam»«. "If t marry," he said, "I jam doomed to misery. For if my wife ; dies first I shall lament to lose her and if I die first 1 shall grieve for her ! | tonely wtrfowiimwl." These things j ! seem strange to us. They are not so. j All things are absurd. Imagine a bird I | with gloves, and a wedding ring on her j

middle tr><\ Yet I know a man who calls his wife a binl. Oh impossible world! But I wander, and have a lot more to say en bachelors. 1 shall now give a summary with notes, etc. Oh, but speaking of* notes just reminds me! A great enemy of mine once wrote a nole to a yeung lady of note. The young man fmy ere in v) was of note also. Well, when he wrote it, on the young lady he doted. The young lady of note got the note and wrote a note to the yeurg man of note, notifying him to note she had read the note that he wrote, and that she was so bewildered that she had tn> pause in her bewilderment and consider her confusion. 1 am getting alarmed with the turn things have tak»*n. for it appears to me that that -1 don't know what.

As a matter o? fact bachelors are of little use in the world-that is, their value is purely a prospective quality which can only be arrived at when they cease to be bachelors. The world in general is gradually awakening to the tremendous imposition of bachelors, and the man who shrinks from taking up the burden of citizenship, and becoming a benedict, will in the mar future be taxed to the utmost. Already in America there is a bonus on babies, as a means to the end of checking race suicide. A bachelor's tax might prove of assistance to the same laudable end. On the other hand it might serve to arouse the dormant homicidal tendencies of mankind, and thus defeat the object. Still it is worth a trial.

Warring with mud seems rather a strange occupation at first glance, but when one comes to consider, it is the constant and abiding battle which settlers in new districts are continuously waging. In cities and towns the dust nuHance holds pride of place, yet dust, in the country, is positively welcomed, as heralding a period of relief from the never-ending struggle with mud. Indeed, in the dusty season the campaign is conducted with increased vigour, and summer is utilised in making inroads on the kingdom of mire. For a brief season King Mud is deposed, and where the settlers' campaign is conducted by a master mind, His Majesty's territory becomes annually smaller. At present in both town and country considerable activity is being shown, and when next the King ascends his throne, it is to be hoped his kingdom will be so curtailed that the beginning of the end will be in sight. Unfortunately, for still a little while, the settlers' name will be mud. but it won't be of such consistency as heretofore.