MR DOOLEY ON PROFANITY.

King Country Chronicle, Volume II, Issue 63, 3 January 1908, Page 2

MR DOOLEY ON PROFANITY.

'" Did ye see what th' Prisident said to th' throlley man that bumped him ?" asked Mr Dooley. "I did not," said Mr Hennessy. "What was it?" " I can't tell you till I get mad," said Mr Dooley. " Now Hinnissy, no matter what a man mayve been wan minyit befure he was hit be a throlley car, a minyit afther he's on'y a man. Th' throlley car plays no fav-rites. It bounces th' high and th' low alike. It tears th' exalted fr'm their thrown and illivates th' lowly. So, whin th' Prisident got back to th' earth he wasn't Prisident any longer, but Tiddy Rosenfelt, 180 pounds iv a man. An' he done accordin'ly. If it'd been Willum Jennings Bryan he'd've ast th' throlley engineer was he a mimber iv th' union. If he cud show a wurrukin' card he was entitled to bump anny wan. At worst Willum Jennings Bryan wud've written an article about him in th' Commoner, or if he unusually vinadicative, maybe he'd sind it to him through th' mails. " Whin Sicrety Cortilloo come to f'rm a dhream that he'd jus' rayfused a favor to Sinitor Tillman, he hauled out a little notebook an' got ready to take down something that cud be put on th' thransparencies two years fr'm now —somethinglike—' No power on earth can stop American business enterprise.' But nawthin' that will iver be printed in • th' first reader dhropped fr'm th' lips iv th' Chief Ixicutive. With two jumps he was in th' throlley man's hair an' spoke as follows —No, I won't say it again. But I'll tell ye this much, a barn-boss who was standin' by an/ heard it said he niver befure regritted his father ! hann'h sint him to Harvard. "We know what Wash'n'ton said to his gin'rals, an' what Grant said to Lee, an' what Cleveland said to himsilf. They're in th'books. But engraved in th' hearts iv his counthrymen is what Rosenfelt said to th' throlley man. 'Twas good because 'twas so nachral. Most iv th' sayin's I've read in books sound as < though they wus made be a patent incybator. They go with a high hat an' a white tie. Ye can hear th' noise iv th' phonygraft. But this here gim of emotion an' thought came straight fr'm th' heart an' wint right to th' heart. That's wan reason I think a lot iv us like Tiddy Rosenfelt that wudd'nt iver be suspicted iv votin' f'r him. " Whin he does anny talkin' —which he sometimes does —he talks at th' man in front iv him. Ye don't hear him hollerin' at posterity. Posterity don't begin to vote till afther th' polls close. So whin he wished to convey to th' throlley man th' sintimints iv his bosom, he done it in wurruds suited to th' crisis, as Hogan wud say. They do say his remarks singed th' hair iv the unforchnit man. " I don't believe in profanity, Hinnissy—not as a reg'lar thing. But it has its uses an' its lipce. F'r instance it is issintial to some thrades. No man can be a printer without swearin'. Tis impossible.. I mind wanst I wint to a printin' office, where a frind iv mine, be th' name iv Donovan, held cases an' I heard th' foreman say: "What gintleman is setting A thirty ?" he says. " I am," says a pale gintleman with black whiskers, who was atin' tobacco in th rear iv th' room. "Thin," says the fureman, "ye blankety - blank blacksmith, get a move on ye. D'ye think this is an annyooal incyclopejee ?" he says. Swearin' belongs to some thrades like printin', bricklayin', and plumbin'. It is no help at all to tailors, shoemakers, hairdressers, dintists or authors. A surgeon heeds it, but a doctor nivir. It is a grate help in unloadin' a ship, an' sailormen always swear—th' cap'n an' mate whin wurruk is goin' on an' th' men befure th' mast at meals. Sojers must swear. They'se no way out iv it. It's as much th' equipment iv a sojer as cartridges.