PROTEAN PAPERS.

Kaikoura Star, Volume XIV, Issue 749, 22 June 1894, Page 6

PROTEAN PAPERS.

(by Proteus).

Bring me word thither How the world goes that to the pace of it I may spur on my journey.

Well, how go things after the storm ?

Brighter. Don’t you say anything about the weather again. Why ? Why '. Didn’t the par. in the Star bring on the bad weather, Fudge ! Ob, well, that’s what they say. It was said that the local prophets were apprehensive of bad weather coming on, and it did. Oh, that’s it. Then it wasn’t the fault of the Star. Well, don’t do it again. The cold snap made me think of coal, and that if the reported discovery of black diamonds at Cheviot should turn out a true bill it will prove a regular bonanza for those who have taken up land there. Y’es, and also for the Government. An all round good thing, ch ! Better even than a gold field. Come now ! Black wealth has ever proved better than yellow. Has it. The gain to Cheviot settlers would be enormous, in the absence of firewood on the country. What of Kaikoura’s prospects'? They are often discussed, this, that and the other being suggested as necessary to make the district go ahead. Wants ‘ tin ’ to work ’em, eh ! Tin ! Ah, I often regret that Mr Doddemeade’s prospecting here and elsewhere did not prove successful. Yes, he’s a warrior on the prospect. Aye, and I believe he’ll strike something yet. I hope so, too. How are things locally to bo roused ? Agreed ! That’s the rub, says one : Development of the resources of this part of the Colony would soon be brought about by the expenditure of energy, and a moderate amount of capital. Ah ! That’s the key note, or notes, of the matter. Energy ! Yes. Some is being put forward. Look at the start with the cheese factory. But see how many years it has taken to get that started. Still, it is started. But not out of the wood yet, my boy. Very true, but it will get through in time.

Hurrah ! But as for capital, why, relatively, there is less of that here than there is of energy, and goodness knows there is little enough of vital force. What is to become of the community ?

Why, it will sink, sink, sink, until at length it reaches a sea of petroleum upon which the Suburban district is declared to float. Petroleum ! Kaikoura Suburban district Heating on petroleum ! 1 Great Scott! ! ! You don’t sav so I

No I I don’t ! But others do, and I only hope that they are right. Then there is the outcrop of coal on the banks of the Conway. W here ?

Why on the terrace at the end of the Green Hills property. Ob, we have beard of that before.

Yes, and I hope that you will bear of it again, and again, until a fine seam of good coal is presented to us. All right, old fellow. You are always trying to stir us up. I only hope that after the way you have stuck to the Dairy Factory business that it will turn up trumps.

Thank you. I’m a great believer in the products of the land. Yes, I have noticed that. Talking about land, when is the Pui Pui country to ba cut up ? That will come; all in good time. Right! I’m watching for the surveyors to camp on the country. You’ll see them by and bye. I say, old chap, you haven’t given us a turn about the baths lately. Isn’t it time you woke 'em up again if baths are to be ready for next summer. ? Thank you. That is a very timely hint. It’s like the Dairy Factory ; takes a lot of worrying to get enough people to put their shoulders to the wheel with a will. Many of the people here never seem to have heard of the adage that Providence helps those who help themselves. That wouldn’t matter though if they acted on the moral of what instinct teaches one.

True for you, Mr Philosopher. Dick, eh ? What mean you ? ‘ Philosopher Dick!’ I see, but I’ve not seen the ‘ Philosopher ’ himself for some time. You remember the old Spanish proverb : ‘ Children cry for the moon, but when they grow up they want the earth.’ How much ?

All they can lay their hands on, like the late old ‘ Ready Money Robinson.’ Yes, I fancy I’ve heard it. Well, there’s a good story told of another big landholder. Who ' Old Moore 1 What of him ’

Why a facetious, though rather irreverant, joker was caught paraphrasing Scripture—

Ab, now; not allowed to discuss theological subjects in the Star. I don’t want to ; I’m only going to give you a quotation from this modern paraphraser. Is that all. Well, let us have it.

He had written this, amongst other epigrams :

‘ The earth is the Lord’s, and the fullness thereof, except Glenmark, and that belongs to old George Moore !’ That will pass, but it’s rather severe on the old gentleman. Councillor Brown seems to be one of the most sensible men in the present Council representing Kaikoura. Seems to be I He is I

That’s what I meant. lam not so assertive in my language as you some-

times are. All right, Tolly. I fancy he is a bit like the sailor’s parrot. Thinks a lot, but doesn’t say very much. Correct I But what he does say is to the point. The proper thing. Y'es ! In reading your reports of the County Council, River Board, and other local bodies, I always try to read between the lines.

Come now. The matter in the Star is invariably ‘ set solid.’ What do you mean ? Why, that we very rarely ‘ lead ’ anything. Explain, please I We don’t ‘ fat ’ much.

Ob, come now ! You’re fat enough, unless you want to become a ‘ squatter.* You don’t understand.

Well, what do you mean ? lhat we don’t space matter out in the Star by using leads. I think I catch on now.

Right. But how about reading between the lines ?

Getting back to the subject, eh ? Yes. Well, in reading your reports J. often say to myself, ‘ There is a lot left to be inferred, to the imagination, and a good deal of reporter’s license.’ What do you know of reporter's license f Well, I am a bit of a painter, mvself! J Which means ? That I can understand you often dish up people’s remarks to make them read well. May be 1 Thought so. But in Cr Brown’s case there ie no necessity for that, he is invariably clear and terse. W hat the pedants call an ‘ empigramist ’ Enough ! Lest mistakes should be made, eh ? No! Talking about mistakes an amusing one occurred in a Southern paper the other day. Fah! Newspapers don't make mistakes. You satirical sinner. None of your alliterative art. Excuse me ! Right I What of the mistake t A town paper informed its readers that Lord Rosebery's Hades had won the Derby. Oh, Beelzebub!