THE HUMOUR OF BOWLS.

Hauraki Plains Gazette, Volume XXXIV, Issue 4516, 17 January 1923, Page 4

THE HUMOUR OF BOWLS.

HEARD AT THE RECENT tournament. (By ‘‘Rubber Bowl,” in the Dominion.) To those who do not understand the rules (and tp those who know them and do not always obey them) there is a world of humour in the game of bowls which has not yet been smirched by the vaudevillian. gome of the “wheezes'” are as old as the game, and some bubble up fresh and sparkling as'the result, of the peculiar characteristics of a shotgood, bad, or indifferent. Some bowlers lay themselves put to be funny. Just as there are., theatrical footballers and golfers, so there ,a>e bowlers who play to the bank (in other words the gallery). But the purest wit concomitant to the game is that which, is more often spoken unconsciously. Having been a spectator tp last week’s tournament I jotted down a few of the casual observations heard here and there, and record them as a protest against bowls being considered a slow or dull gam*. One dour, determined, stolid old Scotch skip, with a halo of many tournament wins round him, becom-

ing disgusted with his lead far bowling the jack into the ditch, said : “A mon who cannot throw the jaeck will never make a bowler.” A few minutes later the - same lead drew a magnificent shot just behind the jack. . “Good mon!” said the old skip. “Y’re a great lead, I’m tollin’ yer! On a bowl which ran “narrow.” “You’re as thin as a chicken’s lip!’' To a wide one. “What are ye doin’ theer —out in the suburbs ?” Skip’s instructions. ‘‘l want you to come in here a yard gone oh this hand to rest the shot or trail the kitty to our back ones. Don’t lose your bowl and slip that one in front —it’s against us.” This is a perfect-, ly clear instruction, no doubt, to a bowler, but to the uninitiated it would be Greek. “Ye’re as narrow as a Presbyterian !” This to a bowler who had omitted to take sufficient “green” t° enable him .to make the precise pai a bblic curve up tp tlie jack, “Take more paddock next time 1” advised the skip. “Crack an egg on this one!” was an instruction which did not even raise a, smile. “Give this front, bowl the once over and we’ll lie the shot!” sounded quite American, .though. bpwlg in the States is just plain old-fashipued skittles. “Smack, ’em up—they’ve got no friends I” This to a Np. 3 about to drive. “This bowl is in your way. Come I in wide on the back hand and finish !at my feet. . . . What the dev You're a ditcher!” This as a player bowled too fast and landed his wood in the ditch at the end p£ the green. “As wide as the gasworks!” “It’s a toucher ! That’s, the stuff to give ’em !” “This isn’t cricket!” This remark to a player who would, illegally, follow his bowl down the green by gently trotting after it, keenly interested in its fate. “Great ,sho.t! You draw like Lana Gibson!" “Here’s one wi’ main character! Whirrup ! Just missed, Charlie !”