IN LIGHTER VEIN

Hokitika Guardian, 13 June 1931, Page 6

IN LIGHTER VEIN

AYE, THERE’S THE RUB. “Didn’t you go down to the osteopath’s to-day?” "No, l was kneaded at home.” MEASURE OF GRATITUDE. “Thank you for the balloon, uncle. “Oh, it was a very small gift.” “That is what 1 said, but mother said J must thank you all the same. ANCIENT PEACE METHODS. “Now, children, what did th© Romans do for the Brito-ns?” “They civilised ’em, miss.” “And how did they do that?” “Tfiey taught ’em how to fight.” A GOLDEN PLEDCE. Bailiff: If you have nothing else, 1 must take the goldfish as a pledge. Debtor : Then take them —the bowl belongs to my landlady. IF THE MISSIS WANTS TO TALK—“Your wife is talking of going to France this summer. Have you any objections ?” “No, certainly not. Let her talk. THE WAY OUT. “Opportunities for advancement have so increased;” says Charles M.. Schwab, “that to-day mo mn«n need feel that he is in a rut. The rut may he there, hut he is encouraged to climb out of it. Indeed, to abolish it.” H e may eycn be fired out of it. INJUDICIOUSLY INSOLVENT

“Wby so sad?” “1 am insolvent.” “How much have you made over to your wife?” “Nothing.” “How much money have you invested abroad?” “Not a penny.” “Man alive! You are not insolvent —you are ruined.”

UP TO CONCERT PITCH. The first performance of a, new play was received by the audience with an pirthusiasm that Was largely noticeable. by its absence. The next day the leading actor got a letter from the manager of the theatre. ‘ “Dear sir,” it read, “your performance last night was so had that several people have already written demanding that their names lie instantlv removed from the free list.”

MILK OF HUMAN UNKINDNESS. The woman of the house was dissatisfied with the milk supplied to her. So when the milkman arrived, she was inclined to be critical. “Your milk,” said she. "lias lately been very thin—do you expose it to the rain too long?” “Madam!” said tli emilkman, “this is ‘Grade A’ milk!” “Ah!” said the lady, "I thought so—‘grey day’ milk! Let me have some of the fine weather variety!”