"MARRIAGE

Hokitika Guardian, 9 February 1931, Page 3

"MARRIAGE

Out of England's many million fifteen women have boldly confessed to having made a happy marriage. They also confess that they have, or claim to have a secret in this. Presumably the secret is common to all. Ladies as far apart socially as Lady d’Aoernon and Mrs Inge, Lady Alienin' and .Mrs Clynes publicly declare that marriage is not a failure, and Lady Meleliett k.t “Chemicals”) and Lady Conan Doyle (of the Spiritists) are together in this. The “secret.,” one is disposed to think, is rather good fortune and the guiding band of Providence than any discovery peculiar to these ladies. We will compare one or iwo of the statements made.

Airs Muiinings (one of the fifteen) says: “The woman who can cook a chicken pie, who knows when to leave her husband to bis own devices, but who comes when she’s called, disappears wlu'ii she is not wanted, who speaks when she’s spoken to, is the ideal wife for all unfortunate mankind.” These, says Airs Monnings are Imr husband’s stipulation, with which she agrees. Mrs Inge (mate of the “Gloomy Dean ’) says that to share in the intellectual pursuits of tlio husband, to “share bis mind,” is the main essential in a sliapp.v union. Mrs Civile says that bard and iinsellish work and an equal share in all a husband's troubles gives the clue to happiness. • I knew when 1 married I should have to do hard work for my husband, scrubbing, baking, and cooking—only when she can prove hcrsell a helpmate cm she attain happiness.”

Lady Alelchett says: “I do not believe m all the years we have been married my husband lias ever heard single domestic detail discussed—l saw that his energies were saved for tlie big things—that nothing should disturb the peace and harmony of his background.” Ladv d’Abernon is of opinion that the advice ot parents is a better guide than the heart of an inexperienced and perhaps infatuated woman. She does not approve of sentiment in marring!— it is too serious a contract to he based upon fleeting emotion and “woman who think they can mould a husband are gazing .upon a mirage. I think,”

she says, “no marriage has ever failed or suceesseded hut that this failure or success has been mainly engineered by the wife.” Airs Conrad (wife of the famous Joseph) says of her husband and herself: I was his wife sometimes friend, sometimes mother, quite often a playmate, very often his business adviser . I did every-

thing. cooking, typing, looking after the baby/’ Lady Emily Lutyens how poetic a name! There is music in it) writes ot peace. It >is peace site has provided, for her husband, she has been a harrier between him and the trials and worries of a harsh and noisy world. “I have acted as a buffer,” she says. Also “Men are remarkably tolerant where women are concerned ; it is open to almost every wife to try to impose her personality upon her liusbband’s work. The wife who meddles does so at her peril.”

Throughout these confessions then' runs a thread leading to the “secret.” It is that a woman should he subject to her husband ; more than that, indeed, for these happy marriage are all founded on the rock ol un.scllish love, .dost of these marriages wen* marriag;is of cool, considered agreement,

unsupported by overwhelming (‘motion as marriages by advertisement pillowed by a period of observation. I have met but one mini who found a wife by advertising his need. At the age of fifty-nine he decided that marriage, being a lottery, lie would run no greater risk in making a selection from those who were eually willing to apply lottery principles than by waiting Pis lie hail probably waited for years) un--1111 lie met socially someone he thought: would suit him.

A letter from an Englishwoman ol twenty-eight drew him to Wellington. They were married as soon as possible, and ,\ears lifter he confided to me that lie was in every way satisfied aml happy. There is something ciudc.y mechanical about this method of mating; sentiment is lacking, romance is in Llie ailvonur'o only, and the element of luck takes the place of ardent love.

Every marriage is in essence a contract, the man generally oifering lood and shelter as a minimum return for companionship and domestic duties for their supervision. “To the Church marriage is a sacrament; to the law it is a contract; and to a man or woman genuinely in love it is the very beginning of a period worth every sacrifice, except that of health or life.

The young man of to-day-who walks up to a girl at a picnic and says,

“Well, what about it kid?” and gets the answer, “All right, let’s!” loses months of the delightful delirium of the youth of his grandfather’s day, who, after three months of shy courtship. and obtaining the consent of the parents, entered into a long engagement (sometimes too long), during which the ever-present thought of promised bliss to come kept him up to the mark and forced him forward in whatever work he was striving in to make

a living or a reputation. Why should we not imitate the French and give engagement parties where members of both sexes attend with the definite object of choosing a mate there and then and indicating tin* same in the usual manner?