IN LIGHTER VEIN

Hokitika Guardian, 20 December 1930, Page 7

IN LIGHTER VEIN

MEANS TO AN END. Motorist’s Wife: “What lovely fleecy clouds! I’d like to be up there sitting on one of them. Motorist: All right, you drive the car. A KIND THOUGHT. New Prisoner: Warder, I’d like to write to my young lady to say I’ve arrived safely. Can I have a picture postcard of the prison ? PROFIT WITH THE BRUSH. “Do you think it is possible for a man who is clever with the brush to make a living these days?” asked the discouraged artist. “Yes,” responded the cruel cynic, “if he is a bootblack.” WORTH REPEATING. Hubby: There, my 'dear, is five pounds for you as a little gift and it has meant a great deal of hard work to get it. I think I deserve a little applause. His wife (eagerly): Applause ? Why dear, 1 think you deserve an encore. MAKING HIM’WORK. First Nigger: Mighty mean man I’m working for. Second Nigger: What’s de mattahP First Nigger: Took de legs off de wheelbarrow so’s I can’t put it down and rest, THE CURE. “Mamma, when Willie has a toothache you take him to the dentist and have it filled, don’t you?” asked Tommy. “Yes, dear,” said mamma. “Well, 1 got a stomick ache. Don’t you tnink we’d better go to the confectioner's ?” MISUNDERSTOOD. \ It was at a dance, and a young man observing a girl standing alone, and thinking that he recognised her, went up to her and said, “Pardon me, you look like Helen Black.” “Yes,” she replied, “I know I do; but I assure you I’d look far worse in white.” LOGICAL. Maggie; Oh, mither one of your hairs is quite grey. Mother: That is because you have vexed me so often, my child. Maggie: Then how very naughty you must have been, for grandmother’s hairs are all grey. HIS PREFERENCE. A sheperd, living with his wife and family in a very lonely .spot on the moors, far from the nearest human habitation, was asked by a tourist, “Whatever do you do when one of youi family is ill ? Don’t you ever see a doctor?” “Doctor!” was the reply “We don’t wont no doctor. We alius dies a natural death.” RULE OF PROPORTION. ... / “How old is your baby brother?” asked little Arthur of a playmate. “One year old,” replied Bennie. “Ah!” exclaimed Arthur, “I’ve got a dog a year old, and he can walk twice as well as your brother.” “Well, so he ought to,” replied Bennie, “he’s got twice as many legs.” THE SPRAT TO CATCH, ETC.

A shopkeeper had for some time displayed in his window a card inscribed “Fishing Tickle.” A customer drew the proprietor’s attention to the spelling “Has anyone told you o'f it before?” he asked. “Hundreds,” replied the dealer, “but whenever they drop in to tell me they always spend something.