WIT AND HUMOUR

Hokitika Guardian, 15 December 1930, Page 8

WIT AND HUMOUR

ANSWERED. Teacher: Wiiat are the constituents of quartz? Bright Boy: Pints. DESCRIBED. Schoolmaster: Can any boy tell me what is meant by the “yellow peril”? Bright Boy: Please sir, a banana skin left on the pavement. THE THERM GERM. Teacher: Now, Tqmmy, what is a therm? 1 Tommy: A therm, sir, is a germ that creeps into a gas meter and causes rapid consumption. IF? Rustic: Us’ll get married come Toosdoy fortnight, then, lass, if ’tis wet. Girl: What do ’ee mean, Joe, if ’tis wet? Rustic: Who.v, Oi’ll be goin’ ’aymakin’ if it be foine, o’ course. NO BUNKUM. Vicar’s Wife : We’re having a meeting 3 f the AntpLitter Society in the school room next Thursday, Mr Tunnuts. I hope you will come. Mr IVrmuts: No, I don’t ’old with them new-fangled ideas. I don’t want no birth control for my pigs. TOPSY TURVY. People on holiday in a mining district strolling down a lane with lovely green meadows on either side, met an old farm worker. “Plenty of mushrooms grow about liove, I suppose?” said one of the visitors. “All, there used to be, but things be all topsy turvy now. I think they must grow the other way about and the colliers pick ’em.” SHE DON’T WORRY HIM NOW. The inquisitive lady was continually worrying the gardener. She asked a lot of meaningless questions. “What steps do von take with the caterpillars?” she asked next. “Well, mum,” said the exasperated gardener. “I takes half a dozen steps into our nearest field and turns the caterpillars round several times so that they gets giddy and don’t know their way hack.”

DOUBT. The tram driver was new on the job. and the conductor was giving him a few final instructions. “When T want yer to stop.” he said, “[ shall pull this ’ere cord and ring the bell.” “Right!” said the driver, “and what shall ver do when yer wants me to start ?” “Wbv, ring this ’ere bell again.” “Well, blimey.” cried the driver, “bow the dickens am T to know whether yer wants me to start or stop?”