ROUND AND ABOUT

Hokitika Guardian, 24 July 1930, Page 2

ROUND AND ABOUT

ALL RIGHT EXTERNALLY. Sister: Come, Willie, and take your powder like a little man. You never near me make a complaint about a trifilo like that. Wiilie: Neither would J if I could daub it on. my lace like you <io. it s swallowing the stuff that 1 don’t like. NOTHING LIKE IT, “Why, Bridget,” exclaimed her mistress, “1 can write my name in the dust here!” “Deed, nui’am,” replied Bridget, with generous admiration, “that s more nor J. can do. Share, now, there’s nothing like education after all, is there, ma’am?” HAPPINESS .INDEED. “It is the duty of every one of you to make at least one person happy during the week,” said the Sunday school teacher. “i have,” Johnny answered promptly- “ That’s nice And what did you do?” “I’ve been to see my aunt,” said Johnny, “because 1 know it always makes her happy when I come home again!” WHICH HORN. Little Girl from Town: What is that animal ? Grandma: A cow. Little Girl: What are those tliipgp on its head? Grandma: Those are liorns, my child. ■ Little Girl (after hearing the cow bellowing) ; Granny, which horn did the cow blow just now? NOT TO BLAME. Burly Beggar (dramatically): Stay, Jady, stay and hear a helpless orphan’s tale. Haughty Lady: My dear sir, you look 70, and can you consider yourself an orphan? And you look strong and healthy. How can you be helpless? Burly Beggar: Dear lady, if anyone’s a liar, it’s the poet, not me. THE FOREIGN BODY. In a ' hospital casualty department a piece of meat had been extracted from a child’s, throat. The, father, who had brought the child in, was peering curiously over the shoulder of the nurse as she wrote as follows in the report book: “Foreign body in oesophagus.” She was interrupted by the indignant parent, who remarked: “But, nurse, it was English!” OH HORROR! A young and rather pretty woman for health reasons has to sleep out or doors. She recently made the remark that she didn’t like the dustmen seeing her in bed when they came up the garden in the course of their duty. A male relative, anxious to reassure her, promptly remarked: “They won’t take any notice of you; they got used to seeing all sorts of horrors during the war.”

KINSHIP. The airship RlOl was drifting lazily over the interested upturned faces of a great crowd. “•Can you tell me what relation a loaf of bread is to that airship?” “What nonsense!” replied another onlooker. “There can be no relationship.” “Oh, yes there is !” said the first speaker. “A loaf of bread is a necessity and the airship is an invention, and everybody knows that necessity is the mother of invention.”