SPARE MOMENTS

Hokitika Guardian, 1 February 1930, Page 2

SPARE MOMENTS

JIJS LAST CHANCE. Prison Warder: Do you want to cat anything before the execution? Condemned Alan: Yes, mushrooms! I have always hesitated to taste them for fear of being poisoned. SOME YARN. Shopkeeper, showing customer golf stockings): Wonderful value, sir worth duble the- money. Latest patterns, fast colours, won’t shrink, and its a very good yarn; Customer: Yes, and it’s well told, too. JUST ORDINARY. Shop Assistant. There’s a good strong pair that will last lor ever. Customer: That’s the kind of thing I’ve been looking for. I’ll take those. Shop Assistant: Thank you sir. Will one pair be enough? TOO AFRAID A clergyman, expounding to one of his parishoners the importance of parents being prepared to make sacrifices for the sake of their children, said: "In order to send my son to college 1 had to pinch like anything, but I managed it.” "Ah, yes, sir,” said the parishoner "hut my husband is too much afraid of the law to do anything of that sort.”

BEHIND WITH THE GRUEL. Old Sandy had a cold, and his doctor said, "Hot gruel and whisky every night, Sandy.” A week later tlie -doctor came to ask how the treatment went. "Well, doctor,” said Sandy with a grin, "Ahm’ a we bit behind with the gruel, hut I’m six weeks ahead with the whisky.” IN CASE OF TROUBLE. Two strangers had been paired in the golf tournament. One was Colonel Thunder, red face, wild of stroke, free of tongue. The other was a meek man •introduced as_Dr. Pywell. At the first blinker Colonel Thunder took a long, silent look at his ball then turned and exclaimed: "Pardon me, doctor, but before I tackle this lie would you mind telling me if you’re a D.D. or an AI.D?” JUST HAD TO. A well-known clergyman on one occasion preached a sermon in a prison. During the service he noticed that one of the convicts present seemed very much impressed. Later in the day he sought him out and said: "Aly friend, 1 hope you will profit by mv remarks just now and become a new man.” ".Indeed I will.” was the cheerful reply. "In fact, I promise you that I will never commit another crime , but will, in future, lead a good life.” "I am very glad to hear you say that” said tlie clergyman heartily; "but are you certain you will be able to keep the promise?” "Oh yes,” said the convict; "I’m. in for life.”