IN LIGHTER VEIN

Hokitika Guardian, 25 January 1930, Page 8

IN LIGHTER VEIN

“What would you like to be when you grow up, Johnnie?” “I think I’ll lie a soldier.” “You might get killed.’ “Who by?” “By the enemy, of course “Well, then, I geuss 1 laid better bo the enemy.” Critic (to neighbour at concert); Tliat woman has wonderful control o\ - er voice. Neighbour (sadly): Yes. She’s my wife. She can do anything with her voice—except stop it. “I bought a car, and they gave me a handsome sum on my player piano. “1 did not know that they took play er pianos in exchange for cars.” “Oh, well, the saleman is our neigh hour.” It was the first quarrel 'since their marriage and he was getting the worst of it. “Well, men are fools to marry,” he bitterly at last. “Of course they are,” she answered. “But what are women to do? There’s nothing else they can marry.” Lawyer: You say that your wife has received a letter informing her of some misdeed in your past life. Perhaps the best thing would be to confess. Topson: I would. But 1 don’t know what to confess. She won’t let me see the letter. Mr Hardfax: So your son left us to go into a bank in the city? How did he acquit himself. Mr Timbertop: He didn’t acquit himself. It took the best lawyer in the country to get him acquitted. An inquisitive young man read this advertisement in a local paper: “Young man, some woman dearly loves you. Woiild you know who she is ? Send postal order for ten shilling to occult diviner, address as below and learn who she is.” He sent the money, and received this answer: “Your mother.”