EXAMPLE OF APT RETORTS

Hokitika Guardian, 27 April 1929, Page 8

EXAMPLE OF APT RETORTS

ft. is ii great gift to possess n ready wit when cnughl ;tt an inopportune moment (says a writer in the Newcastle Weekly Chronicle). There is an old story that will hear repetition of Henry J.ahonehere. One day during his University career, feeling bored with his studies, he (lung aside his hooks and decided to spend the day in London. Strolling leisurely up Oxford street. Tie was surprised to meet his 'lather, wiio. equally astonished, ejaculated. “Why, Henry!' “Sir,” replied tin son, calling his native wit to his aid. “you have the advantage of me,” which was perfectly correct. The young diplomat turned down the next street, and. out of sight, hurried to Liverpool street station and caught the next train to Cambridge. Unbouchere, the eater, utterly nonplussed, sought his luncheon place, and afterwards entrained for the University town, {’caching his son’s rooms in the college, lie knocked at the door, and was greeted wiln unmistakable welcome by the occupant, who. rising from amid the pile of hooks by which he was surrounded, extended his hand, with a “ Hello, father, I am glad to see you,” and so successful was the simulation of surprise that the elder man doomed it wise to make no further reference to his recent experience. Uoth Church and law have been found equally ready in the exercise of verbal sword play, and one of the best recorded stories in' this connection is told of the popular preacher, William Jay, who ministered at the Argylo Chapel, Hath, for over (50 years. On one occasion two friendly barristers seated in the building during his conduct of the sendee were not a little astonished .by bearing the good man read from tiic Apocalypse—“ All lawyers shall have their portion,” etc. Indignant, they waited outside at the close of the service, and asked Jay if he were conscious that he had used the word “lawyers” instead of “liars.” “ I know it,” came the calm reply. “Hut you didn’t, correct it,” angrily protested one of the silks. “AA by didn’t you? ” “ AA'ell, L thought it so near the truth as to be unnecessary.” “ Give me any subject you like and I will make a line of it,” invited Oscar Wilde at one of his famous Chelsea coteries. “ T will. AA'ilde,” came from ■■the other side of the room. “ T’ro Queen!” “She's no subject,” came back the flashing retort. One reads ol a Judge Bacon who was trying a culprit named Hogg for sheep-stealing. The accused, having little else to say. endeavoured to save himself by a jest. A Huron, be pleaded, should lie merciful to a Hogg as his kinsman. Hut the judge pointed out that the hog did not become bacon until it bad been bung. This calls to mind one of the wittiest mots attributed to Curran. He was sitting at a supper party in Dublin opposite a tnmdus hanging judge—Lord Claimed. According to the fashion of that period, the dishes wore all set on the table at the same time, the guests helping themselves and each other. “Is that lmtig beef next to you. Curran?” asked Claimed, to which Curran quickly retorted: "fry it, my lord, and it’s sure to lie.” With all his bonhomie, there were few men who knew how to rebuke unwarranted familiarity with more skill and incision that King Kdward Vfl. “How much is tea?” lie inquired of a society dame in charge oi ref res lime tits at a AA’est Knd bazaar, which lie was visiting when Prince oi Wales. “Five shillings, sir,” she replied. Then, pouring out the tea, she touched the cup with her lips, and added: “Now it’s a guinea, your Hoy a I Highness.” The Prince, so runs the story, immediately paid the fee, saving as lie did so: “Now let me l ave a clean cup, please.” To administer oblique reproofs one needs as pretty a wit as that of Pope Hen. XTTI. The Pope used to amuse liunself at the opening of large mixed, audiences by identil.viiig the groups in the hall according to their nationalities, and it was his habit to confirm his guesses by occasional questions to pilgrims as lie passed them. Coming to one group, he asked a man whether lie was French. “ 1 have the honour to be French, Holy Father.” was It is loud reply. “Gently, gently, my son.” the Pope admonished'smilingly, with a finger to his lips ; “ not quite so loudly. It would be cruel to those who have not that honour.”