QUIPS IN COURT

Hokitika Guardian, 1 October 1928, Page 3

QUIPS IN COURT

Clark at Tottenham to young woman : Are you married ?—The Woman, blushing: Not at the moment. I have hopes-, your worsnip. * * * # A Skegness boatman, giving evidence in an assault case, described a blow as “just a- nice little tap-—like what might be called a /persuader.’ ” * if * * if # Moses Lewis, a, dentist, who- objected at Bow County Court to his first; name being given ae “Moe” in the summons, offered to pay twopence a week. * * * * * * l ' “ I must ask you to give as true an answer as you can, because we seem to have to try to decide cases by see ing which side tells the fewer stories,” said Mr. Registrar Friend to a witness at Clerkemvell County Court, ******* Solicitor, at Mansfield: Did you dig a hole iii the garden path, sink a tub, and fill it with water covered with moss, for your wife to fall into it?— Husband (proudly) : I did ! ***;* * * * \ “Are you paid on salary and commission?’’ asked Judge Harington to i commercial traveller at Kingston County Court. “I have been out of employment since May.” .*** * * * * Woman at Greenwich: I don’t want her bound over; I want her removed. The Magistrate : Do you want her excuted? ******* Willesden Magistrate : You know the sort of a mail your husband is? Wife I ought to, we have been married 20 years. ******* “I think I am in a worse temper when sober than when I am under the influence of drink.”—A man at Marylebone. * * * * * * * A solicitor at Highgate, N., apologising for the absence of another solicitor: Unfortunately lie is on his honeymoon. ******* “I do not allow women to talk one against the other here. I like to think my court will finish :—The registrar at Shoreditch County Gpurt. * * * * * * * “My husband’s wages are going to be cut, .so I asked the landlord ** lie would reduce the rent, but he refused.”—A Willesden railwayman’s wife. *******

“There are holidays to think of,” said "a debtor at Shoreditch when asked to make an offer of payment. ******* A Derby Witness: A miner usually drinks a pint df beer at one gulp. * * * * * * * Willesden Magistrate: Has your husband supported you for the • last three years? Wife: No he has only promised to. ******* She threw three bottles of beer at my mother. Mr Sandbach, the magistrate: Did they hit her? The Woman no. *******

Nottingham motorist, summoned for speeding: There is a big difference between my new car and those old tin cans on wheels that have ben rattling for donkey’s years. * * * * * * * “I am not promising to pay more than I can afford.”—A woman at Shoreditch County Court. -■> One-armed man at Woolwich: He looked as if he was going to hit me ; so having only one good arm I thought I would hit him first. ******* “I cannot contradict him when he is telling true untruths. —A woman at Mansfield. * * * * * * * I can have a drink and so can you without getting drunk.—A man at North London to a solicitor. ******* Clerk at Highgate to map in the witness-box: What is your name? Witness: North Metropolitan Electric Supply Company. * * * * * * * Magistrate at Feltham: Do you live on the premises? Witness: Yes, on the top of a tin shed in the yard.