SCAREMONGERS

Hokitika Guardian, 24 December 1927, Page 1

SCAREMONGERS

“SAYS SERGEANT MURPHY.” (By A. P. GARLAND, in the “ English Review.”) “ Did you read that article by Dean ingef'” asked Hcdtlle. “The one where he says that the world’ll he frozen out.” “If it is,” replied Sergeant Murphy, “ lie’ll he able to claim some of the credit for the job. Ho’ll have done his hit.” “ He says,” continued Hcdtlle, “that science ” “ I know.” said the sergeant. “ 1 read that article. It was the Dean at his best. Little Sunshine will now broadcast. But it didn’t stop me from injoyin’ me supper. There never was a scientist born that could give mo a sleepless night. I can’t prove they’re wrong. All I can do is not believe them.”

"There was a fellah, .Heddle, the other day, talking about the stars and lie got dhrunk with figures and went ilhrivellin’ on about millions and billions, like wan of them cinema producers in Hollywood whin lie announces for publication the cost ol a new lillum. lie told us that cosmic disturbances, whatever the divil they are. may put an end to the world at any moment. “ And yet, Heddle. I shouldn’t he a hit surprised if this same fellah lias invested his money in long-date mort-

gages. “Also, Mr H. G. Wells, in a short fifty thousand-word article, tolls us that with a hit of luck we’ll he mixed up in a terrible war in a few years’ time whin aeroplanes will wipe London out so that nobody or nothin'—except perhaps me Albert .Memorial—will escape. " 1 was begimiin’ to get scared about this. but. as I’ve told you belore, ii you want to put wan scientist in bis place, you have got to call another to do it. And you won’t need to ask him twice. He’ll go through the air after the other fellow’s scalp. " The chap that talked about the insects ruling the world had scarcely said his piece whin a brother scientist arose. “ ‘ I’m proud,’ says lie, ‘of me learned frind and colleague’s industry, hut his deductions show that he himself stands in intellect somewhere between a black beetle and a goat. All this talk about insects developin’ intelligence is pure bilge. Otherwise it is correct.’ “ And scientists, though the worst, aren’t the only offenders. There’s a crowd of well-led Cassandbrews wlio ask nothin’ better than the imminent dosthruction of the British Empire. Lot there he a partial failure of the vegetable marrow crop, or let a German run a mile quicker than tinny ol our lads, and up pops a prophet to talk about Nineveh and Tyre. “ Between me and you, Heddle. tlieso

attempts to do Ould Moore out of his job have no message for army wan with sinse. They leave him just as cold as Lord Ottersthream’s announcement — every month for the last three years—that the tide of British thrade lias turned and that prosperity is beckonin’ us ahead.”