SOLDIER STORIES

Hokitika Guardian, 16 July 1927, Page 2

SOLDIER STORIES

SWINGING THE LEAD

A Sydney friend tells this one: All Anzaes who belonged to the fragments from France crowd at Perhnm Downs have kindly recollections of Dr Hagenliaur, the ALO. He arrived on sick parade one morning to And the same old crowd waiting. He lined them up and told them that to the man who could tell him something original in yarns lie would give seven days’ no duty. There was a bottle on the table, and as each man made, his attempt he was directed to fake one as a consolation prize Biue.v and Darkey were the two last Bluey came up blinking. ‘‘W,hat’s your trouble?” “Ale eyes, sir.”"“What’s wrong with your eyes?” “I can’t see in the dark, sir.” “Then take seven days off duty." Turning to Darkey: “What’s wrong with you?” “y feel faint, sir.” “What makes you fee! faint?” “The cow in front pirated my complaint.” CANTEEN ITEAI. A British field-marshal (Sir Claud . Jacob) obtrudes the interesting declaration that British recruits to the army do not now drink beer, hut coloured drinks “all the colours of the rainbow.” Some of the campaigns of the future may lie won oil lemonade, orangeade and “rarshry.’ Always up to now the British soldier has been noted for his love of heel - .. Very wrong, of course, but he has put up some small victories that seem to indicate that it hasn’t diluted his courage. The French soldier has a daily ration of wine (“pinnrd”), and he ills - ) seems to have fought his own weight. All troops engaged in the Great War (including the teetotal Turks) were given spirits preliminary to going into action. Visualising the next war. one imagines the voice of the quartermasters above the barrage and the aerial bombs “Zero at sixthirty—roll up for your cherryaid and be blown hv carbonic acid gas to victory!”

THE AIALINGKRER. Bocal old soldiers who assemble at intervals to blow the froth off and tell stories often say things that even we civilians understand. For instance the other night a digger told the tale of the deaf mail. His mates noticed his increasing deafness. When his sergeant detailed him in a loud voice for heavy fatigue he did not hear. Sonic-body fired a rifle in close proximity. He didn't wince. ITe applied for his discharge. He couldn’t hear anything. He was taken to the orderly room. The colonel asked him in a loud voice how he became deaf. No answer/ The sergeant-major roared at him. He never batted an eyelash The colonel said. “Oh well, sergeant-major be seems as deaf as a post. Take him away; we’ll have to give him his discharge.” As the deaf man went through the door he left it open. The medical officer, in a quiet, but commanding voice called, “Here Smith! Come hack and shut the door!” Stone deaf Smith came back, but he didn’t get his discharge.