BARRIE ON THE TESTS

Hokitika Guardian, 1 June 1926, Page 4

BARRIE ON THE TESTS

MATCH ON THE WEATHER

LONDON, -May 20.

After their welcome' to Australia Home—their home from home—tho Australian cricketers were entertained to-day by the Institute of Journalists at a luncheon. .

SIR JAMES BARRIE’S THREE T’S. Sir Janies Barrie was loudly cheered on rising to propose the toast “Cricket.” He said:—How much sweeter those sounds would be to me if 1 had got them for lifting Mr Mailey over the ropes. (Laughter.) Jf I were to say one-tenth of what 1. could say about cricket, especially about my own prowess at it, there would be no more play to-day. (Laughter.) Once more 1 buckle on my pads. 1 stride to the wicket. I take a look round to see how MV Collins has set his field—and, oh horrible! I ..see Air Gregory waiting in the slips. (Laughter.) What can he be waiting for? 1 got one consolation from Mr Gregory’s name—he is obviously a MacGregor. 1 have no doubt that die inherited his howling from his ancestor. Roy Rov MacGregor, who, as the hooks tell us, used to hurl rocks at the 1 stumps of the Sassenach. (Laughter). Mr Gregory is now joined in the slips by Air. Hendry and Air Alai ley. Three to one! (Laughter.) f don’t know what they think they look like, with their arms stretched out imploringly, hut to me they look as if they were proposing simultaneously to tho same lady! (Laughter.) Even though one of them wins her. wflmt can he do with her? I hope they will remember this in the first Test match, and that it will put them off their game. (Laughter.) The first Test match! Fancy speaking that awful ’mouthful of words of one syllable. All the awful words this year are to lie in one syllable. The three T’*—Tost. Toss, Tail. (Laughter.) The first Test match is about to begin. AVc are all at Trent Bridge. The English captain wins tho toss (loud laughter)—-and puts the Australians in. T think lie must have something up his sleeve. 1 don’t quite catch sight of his face, but 1 saw him having a secret conversation with Air Warner’s old Harlequin cap, and T believe they are up to something. (Laughter. .Maurice Tate takes the ball. You know his'way. He then puts his hand behind his back; an awful silence spreads over tbe universe. Tbe Prime Minister, in the House of Commons, in tho middle, of his speech, is bereft of words. (Laughter.) Tt has been said, probably by Afr Gregory, that drowning men clutch at straws. On a balcony in tho pavilion nine members of the Australian team pick up straws and dutch at them. (Laughter.) AD Noble pauses in tbe middle of drawing up tbe complete Australian averages ol the tour. Mr Hill in Australia is suspended between Heaven and the inkpot. (Laughter.) .Maurice Tale takes a little walk which is to he followed by a little run! PRAY STLENCE-

MY lords and gentlemen, pray silence while Maurice Tate delivers his first ball. There is now nothing to be heard except MY Gregory Jetting fall his straw, -ate comes rushing forward and sends down, not the ball, but the seam. (Laughter.') What does that

mighty roar from the onlookers mean? Have tile Australians already made four, or does it mean, in journalistic phrase, “The next man in is .Macartney”? Much good that will do us, (Laughter.) Then there is Ponsford, who. T am told, has only been out twice in the last live years. (Laughter.) f suppose I am the only man in the room who knows what is to he the constitution of the English XI. Air Warner and liis eonim.atee don’t'know—at least I haven't told them. (Laughter.) On such an occasion as this it may seem a little cruel to damp .Mr Collins, hut 1 suppose the truth is best, and 1 am afraid t must tell him that this year there is no hope for his gallant hut unfortunate company. (Laughter.) Our team is mostly new, and is at present hidden away in cellars. Our fast howler—f mention this in confidence—-

is W. K. Thunder. who lms never been known to smile except when lie hears | M r Gregory referred to its a fast bowler. ( Laughter.) Of our batsmen, I shall p surely indicate their quality l>y saying l that Hobbs is to he, the twelfth man. (I.auchter.) Of course, things may go , wrong, There is the glorious unecr- ! taintv of erieket. Even the Prime -Minister—in the only game in which T saw liim play—in tlu* first innings he made one. hut in the second innings lie—was not so successful. (Laughter.) Hut even though -Australia should win—this time—l have a rod in reserve for Mr Collins. (Laughter.) In that case I shall myself choose the Scottish XT. (Laughter.) My first, choice is MacGregor, with him MacDonald. Macaulay and .Macartney. (Laughter). Two other names its Scotch as peat are Hendry and Andrews. A. AY.Carr is my captain, At. I). Lyon my wicket-keeper, and there are still Douglas. Nigel Haig, Macllryan and Armstrong. With this Scottish NT. I challenge the Australians. Tlte game not to he played on turf or’matting, hut. as always, on our native heather. (Laughter.) FEVERS OK THE GAME.

11l conclusion—for 1 inis out long ago (caught Gregory)—ln conclusion, ns -Mr Grimmett said when lie wont on to bowl in the last Test match—let us pay our opponents this compliment, we arc sure that if we had not thought of cricket first, they would have done it, and whether we win or lose. O friendly enemy, you cannot deprive ns of our proudest sporting boast, that it was we who invented both cricket and the Australians. (Laughter.) And let' us not forget, especially at this time, that the great glory of cricket does not lie in Tost .Matches, nor county championships nor Sheffield Shields, but rather on village greens, the cradle of cricket. (Cheers.) The tests are but the fevers of the game. As the years

roll on they become of small account, something else soon takes their place, the very word may be forgotten; but long, long afterwards, I think, your faroff progeny will still of summer afternoons hear the crack of the hat and the local champion calling for his ale on the same old bumpy wickets. It has been said of the unseen army of the dead, on their everlasting march, that when they are passing a rural cricket ground, the Englishman falls out of the ranks for a moment to look over the gate and smile. The Englishman, yes, and the Australian. How terrible if those two had to rejoin their comrades feeling that wo were no longer playing the game! I think that is about the last blunder we shall make. 1 ask you tp drink to the glorious toast of cricket, coupled with the name of one of the greatest of all cricketers and one of the greatest of cricket captains, Air Warner. (Cheers.)