Amusing and Instructive.

Hawke's Bay Times, Volume 7, Issue 363, 2 April 1866, Page 1

Amusing and Instructive.

What tables are most used throughout the ■world ?■—Y ege-tables. What county in England can be represented by two letters ?—S X (Essex.) Why are the drumstick of a fowl like Napoleon ? —Because they are bony parts. Scotch Bulls. —Two operatives were conversing the other day about a fine cemetery recently made in one of the most flourishing of our Border towns. One of them, with whom the ‘ new-fan-gled graveyard ’ was evidently no favorite, boldly, hut amusingly expressed bis aversion to it iu the remark 4 I’ll rather dee than bo buried in sic a place 1’ With equal disregard of the logic of facts, his companion, who held an exactly opposite opinion of the cemetery, retorted, ‘Weel, if I’m spared in life an’ health, I’ll gang naewhere else!’—Edinburgh Courant. Ah Admieal of the Old School. —Apropos of the court-martial on Lieutenant Denny the the Army and Navy Gazette publishes the following story : —‘‘lt is related of the late gallant old Admiral Sir Isaac Coffin, that, when commander-in-chief at one of our principal home ports, ho issued an order that no officer of the fleet should appear in the streets of the garrison town out of uniform. On one occasion while walking alone one of the principal thorough-fares of the place in plain clothes, lie met a gentleman, also in mufti, whom he recognised as being on full pay. 44 How is this, sir?” said irascable Sir Isaac. 44 How dare you presume, after my. clear and distinct order, to be out of your ship unless in the .uniform of your rank F” 44 1 will answer your question,” was the reply, 44 by begging to be informed how is it you happen to set me the example by appearing in plain clothes ■?” 44 Ah!” instantly rejoined the chief, 44 1 have the admiral’s permission, sir.” The man who was so ready with such a pointed answer was incapable of being vindictive and unnecessarily harsh; and, if reliance can be placed on the account which has reached us, we believe the interview, which at one time had threatened to have an angry termination ended in an invitation to on the part of the superior to the inferior officer. Akeeican Ironclads. —lt appears that the American ironclads were provided with what are called 44 deck scrapers.” These are machines for passing up through the deck from below, nine-inch percussion shells, which are then exploded, and sweep everything overboard. They were tried on the Dictator, with wooden men, and the force of the explosion tumbled eveything on deck into the sea, and a fragment of shell cut the chain cable in two. An American contemporary observes that this is a fact for the English papers, which proposed to capture Yankee ironclads by boarding.—Hood’s Monthly Manual. The King and the Gtjhmakeb. —A few days ago two well-dressed young men entered Devisme’s the gunmaker’s shop, and asked to sea one of his double carbines for wolf shooting. They saw and approved, and they wanted to try Devisjne’s explosive shells. The gunmaker saw he had got a sportsman, and so said, “Wei], the best thing you can do is to come down and breakfast with me at Argenteuil —just a cutlet and a bottle of wine—and try the exploders down there.” 44 Done with you, replied the young stranger, and the day was fixed. 4 ‘ You might as well give me your name and address, for fear of accidents,” said Devisme. 44 Bon !" said the stranger, and and taking up a pen wrote, 4 ‘ King of Tortuga 1, Grand Hotel.” His Majesty has also been again to see Eossini. Verdi was there to meet the King. His Majesty sang “li’baleno” and 44 Eri tu,” Eossini, Yerdi,andßenhor da Taiva singing chorus. This, I think, is as rare a specimen ot a “ matinee musicale” as it ever was my lot to record.