Untitled

Hawke's Bay Times, Volume III, Issue 150, 27 November 1863, Page 6 (Supplement)

Newspaper Readers. —ilr. A believes he shall discontinue his paper because it contains no political news. B is decidedly of opinion that the same paper dabbles too freely in the political movements of the day. C doesn’t take it because it is all one side, and D, whose opinion it generally expresses, does not like it, because it is not severe enough upon the opposition. E thinks it does not pay due attention to fashionable literature. F cannot bear the flimsy notions of idle writers. G will not sutler a paper on his .table which ventures to express an opinion against slavery. H never patronises one that lacks moral courage to expose the evils of the day. I declares he does not want a paper filled with hodge-podge doings and undoings of the legislature. J considers that paper the best which gives the greatest quantity of such proceedings. E patronises the papers for the light and lively readings they contain. L wonders the press docs not publish sermons and such other solid matter. M will not even read a paper which will not expose the evils of sectarianism. Nis decidedly of opinion that the pulpit and not the press should meddle with religious dogmas. O likes to read police reports. P, whose appetite is loss morbid would not have a paper in which these silly reports are printed, left at his house. Q likes abundance of good anecdotes. R wo’nt take a paper that publishes them, and says that murders and dreadful accidents ought not to bo put into papers. S complains that this miserable paper gave no account of that highway robbery last week. T says the type is too small. U thinks it too large. V stops his paper because it contains nothing but advertisements. VT wants to see what is for sale. X will not take his paper unless it is left at his door before sunrise ; while Y declares lie will not pay for it if left so early, because it is stolen from bis house before he is up. And last of all the complaints of some of the ladies, who declare the paper very uninteresting because it docs not every day contain a list of marriages, just as if it were possible for the poor printer to marry people without a license, and whether the parties will or not. But the variety of newspaper readers is too great for the present review, and we “ give them up” with a determination to pursue the “even tenor of our way,” in ottering to the public such reading as in our humble opinion, will prove most useful to them, and as interesting as possible. —American Paper.

Reading One’s Own Obxtuaet.—ln the days of old Mycall, the publisher of the Hewlurypo'rt Herald (a journal still alive and flourishing), the sheriff of old Essex, Philip Bagley, had been asked several times to pay up his arrears of subscription. At last, one day ho told Mycall that he would certainly hand over the next morning as sure as he lived. “If you don’t get your money to-mor-row, you may be sure lam dead,” said he. The morrow came and passed, but no money. Judge of sheriff's feelings when, on the morning of the day after, he opened his Herald , and saw announced the lamented decease of Philip Bagley, Esq., High Sheriff of the county of Essex ; with an obituary notice attached, giving the deceased credit for a good many excellent traits of character, but adding that he had one fault very much to be deplored—he was not punctual in paying the printer. Bagley, without wailing for his breakfast, started for the Herald office. On the way it struck him as singular that none of the many friends and acquaintances he met seemed to be surprised to see him. They must have read their morning paper. Was it possible they cared so little about him as to have forgotten already that he was no more ? Full of perturbation, he entered the printing-office, to deny that he was dead in propria persona. “ Why, sheriff,” exclaimed the facetious editor, “I thought you were defunct.” “Defunct!” exclaimed the sheriff, what put that idea into your head ?” “ Why you yourself!” said Mycall. “ Did you not tel] me” “Oh ! ah! yes !” stammered out the sheriff. “Well, there’s your money. And now contradict the report in your next paper, if you, please.” “ That’s not necessary, friend Bagley,” said the old joker ; “it was only printed in your copy." The good sheriff lived many years after this “ sell,” and to the day of his real death always took care to pay the printer. . .