Untitled

Hawke's Bay Times, Volume II, Issue 87, 6 February 1863, Page 2

As we think that the letters of our respected correspondent “ The Man in the Moon” will afford our subscribers and general readers a vast fund of useful knowledge, we commit them to print. LETTER No. I. To the Editor of the Hawke's Hay Times. Ist day of the 20,000,000 th Moon. Dear Sir, —Since Mr. Crosbie Ward undertook to manage the Postal arrangements in your part of the earth, everything has gone wrong, and that will of course be a sufficient excuse for my not having written according to promise. But finding that so long as that talented gentleman remains at the head of that branch of the public service the chance of anybody here or elsewhere being able either to send or receive letters appears more remote than ever, I have found it necessary to hire a special messenger from my particular friend the Postmaster-General of the Spheres, who has, with his usual courtesy, consented to that arrangement, and I am therefore, as you see, enabled to begin a series of letters which I trust will afford you equal amusement and instruction. One thing which affects me more than all the rest is the absence of my usual file of the Hawke's Bay Herald. Your own paper, which affords me great satisfaction as evidencing a vast amount of persevering printing under very disadvantageous circumstances, I receive through the medium of our mutual friend, and am therefore well supplied with a very accurate list of all the articles which are to be bought or to be sold down there in your celestial township. But the Herald —that echo of the wisdom of the heavens and tiie earth, that, I must confess without disparagement to you, is to me like unto meat, and drink. From that fountain

of I derive all the real and lasting impressions which have penetrated to my soul, and rendered me prepared at all points with arguments to confound and stupify mine enemies. The Chinese are a nation with whom I am intimately acquainted, and I am fond of comparing the manner and matter of their doings with those of other and less fortunate nations and peoples. A short time ago, as I was tr aversing the streets of Pekin, I .had the gratification to meet one of my most intimate and oldest friends, a Mandarin of the first class. I need hardly mention the fact of his being a high functionary, because you know that I only keep the very best company, although, being a philosopher, I am fond of occasionally mixing with the common herd, in order to derive, from the comparison of their irregular manners and customs with those of more congenial society, the pleasure of a keener appreciation of all that is refined and elegant. My friend, with that wisdom and magnanimity, for which he is remarkable, no sooner beheld me than he exclaimed “ By the tail of my father ! (such was his emphatic expression) do I behold with these mine eyes the man of my heart -—the man of all the men that ever set foot in this celestial empire whom I delight to honor ?” And upon my assuring him that such was the fact, he, with remarkable selfpossession asked me to give him a pinch of snuff. Thus you see that even the greatest of men, those who, like my esteemed and admired friend the Mandarin, are noted for their profound and unutterable wisdom, can descend in a moment, and with admirable ■dexterity, down from the highest pinnacle of mental exercise to the ordinary, not to say the lowest affairs of men. We had no sooner discussed the invigorating refreshments which we had obtained from my box, than he proceeded to inquire how things might be getting on in Hawke’s Bay, to which place he informed me he had sent a large cargo of his finest tea in a junk built specially of fitting size and proportions to enter into your magnificent harbour, with credit to the Celestials and profit to himself. Upon my informing him that that section of Paradise was undergoing a fearful revolution, and that according to the best of my belief the King had abdicated and retired into the Maori Hotel, leaving the Council House, the Court House, and the other public houses in the hands of the insurgents, he was thunderstruck, and confessed himself quite unprepared for such important and unpleasant intelligence. I further added, that I had heard from reliable sources that this tremendous revolution, which had completely subverted the dynasty of Carter, and with him the fortunes of his Prime Minister, the renowned Colenso, was owing entirely to a succession of the most spirit-stirring—the most soul-inspiring articles written in the Hawke’s Bay Herald , by which the people had become fully convinced that of all the blood-thirsty tyrants of whom the records of nations speak, who delight in the sufferings of their fellow creatures, and revel in their misfortunes and miseries, King Carter the First was without exception the very worst. “ Nero,” saith the Herald, with that force of language for which he is remarkable, and with that perspicuity of expression for which his paper will ever remain a model, “ was a fool to him !”—meaning King Carter. My friend was struck with the beauty and simplicity of the language of the Herald, and with the whole transaction, and said, in the parlance used by the higher classes in Pekin, that “ it beat cock-fighting !” The enthusiasm with which my friend the Mandarin received the intelligence that this remarkable revolution had been effected by the editor of a journal who could use such choice and elegant language was beyond all bounds, and could only be accounted for by the fact that revolutions are effected in China without the use of any language at all. He appeared, moreover, to be regardless of the fate of his tea, which, however, X assured him I believed to be perfectly safe, and at the moment of our discourse boiling in what I think you call the “ Iron Pot,” and which vessel I explained to him was manufactured at the expense of the King Carter’s Treat and wise predecessor, for the express 'purpose of supplying unlimited quantities of tea and sugar, and other refreshments of a like nature coining from the Celestial Empire, to all and every one who wished to partake thereof, free of charge, with a yiew, as that wisest of Monarchs in one of his Orders in Council said, “ to promote the advancement of commerce and of the arts and manufactures, and especially to strengthen and cement our alliance with our brother the Emperor of China and Son of Heaven.” As I apprehend that this letter has reached the fullest length which politeness will permit, I shall postpone the discussion which I

had with my esteemed friend the Mandarin upon the subject of the war which has so long been raging in New Zealand, with such various success, between 1 the adherents of King Potatoe aud those of Queen Victoria, whom he accuses of having usurped his Crown and his dominions, and whom (poor lady), if report speaks correctly, he has turned out of New Zealand, and is preparing a vast Armada to follow up and punish in her capital of London. I shall remain as ever 'lour devoted correspondent, The Max ix the Moox.