THE LUMBER ROOM

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Issue 71, 10 April 1937, Page 4

THE LUMBER ROOM

"PAUL PRY."

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Snakes and Lions. Oddments from the cable news this week inform us that the Mayor of St. Denis intends to hold sepaTate meetings for his 24,000 supporters on aoconnt of the new French law forbidding gatherings; that a hungry lion snffered a major operation to xemove fragments of canvas which xefused to be digested along with the meat ration; and that Mr. Jordan says that we have no wild animals, snakes or millionairee in New Zealand. On brooding over these matters I f ell asleep, and in one oi those ferocious nightmares which we are told last for a split second, I dreamt that Mr. Jordan had made 24,000 speeches throughout England, Scotland Wales in which he affirmed that the British lion had swallowed a bag full of snakes and that he himself would perform a magnificent operation, assisted by stl the Dominion Premiers, at a fee of ona million sterling. It just shows how dangerous it is ta have nightmares. The Tired Man. I ama quiet gentleman, And I would sit and dream; But my wife is on the hillside, Wild as a hill-stream. I am a quiet gentleman, And I would sit and think; But my wife is walking the Whirlwini Through night as black as ink. O, give me a woman of my rac As well controlled as 1, And let us sit by the fire, Patient till we diel — -Anna Wiekhaae, The Balance Sheet and Marriage. "Maxriage as everyone knows, is chiefly an economic matter. But too often it is asstuned that economics concern only the wife'e bats; it also. concerns, and perhaps more importantly, the husband's cigars. No man is genuinely happy, married, who has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single. ' Selected Pre^udices, Waterloo's Spurions Claim to Fame. Victor Hugo, who is a great anthority on the Napoleonic era says of this famous battle .... "this villige of Waterloo Which did nothing and wai half a league away from the action. Mount-Saint- J ean was cannonaded, Hougoumount* bumed, Papelotte burned, Placenoit burned, La Haye Sainte carried by storm, and La Belle Alliance witnessed the embrace of the two victors, but these names are scarcely known in France, and Waterloo, which has no share in the battle, haa all the honour. " The Oentipede, The centipede was happy quite Until a toad, in fun, Said, "Pray which leg goe» after whichf,, That worked her mind to such a pitch, She lay distracted in a ditch Considering how to run. — Mrs. E. Craster, Laughing Gas. A bathing suit is a garment with no hooks but plenty of eyes on it. The dimmest lights have the most scandal power. Chaperone your cigarettes. They shouldn't go out alone. Stand a little closer to your razor when you shave. Twentieth Century Blues. "De blues ain't nuthin' but a had nigger gal on a good nigger's mindl" ' How to Thinh.,t Eric Linklater pokes fun at the latest craze. ' ' Constitutionally unable to ignore le dernier cri, America leapt joyoualy to its feet— dropping pell mell its newest cosmetics, diseases, flying machines, murders, and plans for woridpeace— and reached with a myriad hands for this guide-book to Thoncht.

"No one had eyer thought jof thinking before, and here was a Spaniard saying that anybody could do it. What a world we live in, with new discoveries pouring in upon us every day. Leave your xadios, you sons and daughters of democracy; and learn to tbinV in six chapters with an explanatory diagram of the cerebrum on page 13 and a record of what thinking did for Julius Caesar, Columbus, General Grant — and what it might have d6ne for George III. ' ' — Juan in America. - The Trials of Etiquette. - * * Madame Campan tells a story about Marie Antoinette, the wife of ' Louis XVI. One day when she was dressing, and her chemise was about to be handed to her by one of the ladies present, a peeress of very ancient nobility came into the room and claimed the honour, as etiquette gave her every right to do; but as she was going to fulfil her office, a woman of even greater quality arrived, and in turn possessed herself of the garment, which she was Teady to present to the queen, when a third lady, possessing even highter titles, put in an appearance, and was fdllowed by a fourth, who was none other than the Iring's sister. So the chemise was passed from hand to hand, with bows and compliments enough and to spare, before it reached the queen, who, lialf-naked, and completely ashamed, was shivering allover for the greater glory of etiquette. The Truth Seeker. The, man who boasts that he habitually tells the truth is simply s man with no respect for it. It is not a thing to be thrown about loosely, like small ehange, it is something to be cherished and hoarded, and disbursed when absolutely necessary. The smallest atom of truth represents some man's bitter toil and agony; for every ponderable chunk of it there is a brave truth-seeker's gtave upos some lonely ash-heap and a soul roasting in hell. — H. L. Meackda.