HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Issue 56, 22 March 1937, Page 14

HUMOUR

& II 1 All down one street be went vrithout 2*making a sale. He determined to try a new method. At tbe next house, & grumpy woman answered the knock. "Have you a Charles Dickens in your homet" be asked, politely, "Nol'' snapped tbe woman. "Or a Bobert Louis Stevenson!H "No!" "Or a Walter Scott?" continued tbe canvasser, hope dawning in bis eyes. "No, we ain't," said tbe woman, sbarply. "And wbat's more, I don't take in lodgers. Try next doorj tbey do."

All tbrougb a football matcb aa ontbusiast bad loudly urged tbe home team on to victory. Finally, be became boarse witb sbouting. Turning to bis pal, be said: "Lumme, mate, I believe I've lost my voice." "Don't worry," was tbe reply, "you '11 find it in my left ear-boldt"

Tbe doctor met Mrs Brown ia tbe street. "And bow is your busband Bleeping, now, Mrs Brown?" be asked. * 'Did you give bim tbe sleeping draugbt." "Yes, sir," sbe replied. "You told me to give bim tbe amount I could get on a tbree-penny bit, but as I badn't any silver I used tbree pennies, and be's been fast asleep for five day 3."

Schoolroom Smilea Some recent "bowlers":— Pboenis was tbe name of a funny cat that used to be popular on jfchq films. Itinerary is tbe number of mugs needed on an outing. A saleroom is where you wait to catcb tbe boat. Tbe Merry Monarch is just anotber name for Old King Cole. A cosmppolitan is ' a gbostly visit from anotber world. Eulogy is anotber name for an epitapb. Extinct is a bad or doubtful odour. A eoma is wbat you need to punctuate essays witb. A bandicap is a eloth bonnet of some sort, {

Bummy Tbe outside of a temperanee hotel ixi Bixmingbam is not nnlike tbe appear ance of a fully-licensed botel. At any rate, so tbougbt. a man wbo was stili suffering from tbe effects qf «'tbc nigbt before." It -was early in tho morning, so feeling tbe need of a reviver, be pusbed bis way into tbe bar. £Eum, hot, please," he ordered. It s temperanee here," •xplained tbe waitress. "Tenpence? I sba'nt pay tbat! " And out be lurched to find a'cbeaprr bnnse.