A WOULD-BE ASSASSIN.

Gisborne Standard and Cook County Gazette, Volume I, Issue 58, 25 October 1887, Page 3

A WOULD-BE ASSASSIN.

[frr bob stowt.j I was a staunch supporter of the Harbor Board. 1 rejoiced with the rest on 11 October 1884 whin the Bill passed the lower House. 1 cheered for,the two Sir Georges and the one Sir Jooly ns loud ns anybody. But I have ratted. I atn now a rabid obstructionist 1 have a reason. The Boaad's Engineer in the pleniitude of his wisdom utilises atram power. The steam whistle is a natural consequence of the steam engine, just as a bailiff is the natural consequences Of getting into debt. Perhaps the atearn Ohlatle is useful, but is is likewise a nuisance, The engineer wants to pose as a public benefactor. I appreciate his intentions, but not his actions. He wants to make his wretched whistle a correct time indicator for the public. But lie has a mortal enemy in th<- clock he goes by. It misleads him to the extent of 10 minutes. My wife belirvca in this whistle—she considers it to be n second Genrge Washington. “ Bob,’ she sa’B. “ there goes the whistle, its 8 o’clock—get up!’’ 1 curse that whistle in my own mind. Its my bite noir. 1 want that whistle to bust np ; but it rloti't. So 1 give in. The union steamers monopolise the coastal trade. They want to monopolise the steam whistle. They try to get the better of the one at the Harbor works. They get a start by blowing off at 630 a tn. Bob : says my wife, “ there g< e» the whistle, it is 8 o'clock—get up!” Our clock is Mopped, but 1 never contradict my superior. So get up. I look trt my watch—it is only 6 351 Use bitter words, but my wife wont let me back to bed. J vow vengeance on the monger who has murdered my sleep, but I never seem to meet him. 1 get hungry and mistake the 12 o'clock whistle for the one o'clock. In jovial anticipation of a good dinner I hurry home. The house is upside down, and no dinner ready. My wife gives me a searching look. ” What do you want 1” says she. “ Dinner.” “Dinner at this time?—why, you,old fool, it is only a little past twelve.” 1

acknowledge my error, and, feeling more hungry than ever, I trudge back to business again. Some one meantime had called to pay hrs bill. Be was sorry he could not wait, but would bedown aga nin a fortnight. My wife went to Auckland for a trip. She left on Bund..y, and no harbor whistle blows on that dav, thank goodness. •’ Be sure,” were her last words, “ that you come and meet mew hen 1 comeback.” The steamer is due on Friday, I hear a whistle and hurry to the wharf. They don’t seem to be in a hurry on board the tnark. “ When are vou going out ?” I venture to ask. " When the steamer comes in.” “ But I heard her whist le.” " You heard the Harbour Board’s whistle.” I am enraged and burry back I fail to hear the s'eamer’s whistle, and my wife walks in and asks why 1 didn’t come to meet her. 1 meekly apologise and blame the harbour whistle. 8l e won't accept my apology and next morning hauls me out directly the Chau arrives lam a rabid ob.-true tionist. 1 shall fight against the harbour works tooth and rail. I will either have that whistle stopped, get a divorce, or assassinate the Engineer.