NOTIONS.

Grey River Argus, Volume XIII, Issue 1602, 23 September 1873, Page 2

NOTIONS.

Everything has something to recommend it. Ass to ass is beautiful. No man is so ugly as not to be deemed handsome by some woman. No woman is so plain as not to be thought-pretty by some one of creation's lords. There are men who delight in. unpleasant smells. There are women that love unhandsome fashions. Ohacwn a sou gout. This is a land of freedom. . The peculiar gout of the unenUghtened denizens of at least one New Zealand town is an inordinate one for being in the dark. Of course I mean physically. But this obscurity must be a result of mental murkiness. The Parnellites don't like gas. They hate it, indeed. It saetn3 to be to theman unholy product of some malign agent— the devil, perchance. If a man were to erect a street lamp and light it in Parnell, he would be immediately arrested, tried, and condemned to be burnt at the atake as a wicked sorcerer. And •' the oldest inhabitant,'' or "the most respected townsman," or some other chap of that genus, would be fixed upon to light the faggots piled around the audacious illuminator who had dared to let in light into the. obscurity of Parnell. The sentence would be executed as relentlessly as those passed on witches in the reign of James I. nsed to be. Instead of street lamps, the Parnellites whitewash the corners of their houses and fences. Everything has its recommendation. The meanness of the Parnell misers is recommended on the score of economy. A bag of whiting does not cost much, and one would last for a whole year. It is to be hoped that the taste for " whitewashing" has not been acquired by the Parnellite3 in the Insolvency Court.

In Lawrence there are some spirits — not disembodied— kindred to the Parnell folk. These, under cover of their favorite mistress — night — got up and took away the founts and burners from the street lamps of Lawrence. This dark deed has been termed "larrikinizing." The Borough Council has offered a reward of L 5 for the discovery of the larrikins. When found they are to be transported to Parnell, The means jof transport is to be either a rail or a crosscut saw.

In the Police Gazette of Victoria there recently appeared the following : — Richard Wilson Wardill, charged on warrant, with embezzlement. The directors of the Tiqtoria Sugar Company offer a reward of L 250 for the apprehension of this, \ offender." R. W. W. was a young man holding a high position in society. He had about LlO per week. He had a wife. He had many pleasant . friends. He was a fine aad popular cricketer. He often captained the first eleven of Melbourne in the most glorious of the willow's triumphs. He was deemed the personification of honor and honesty. He in an evil hour forgot the distinction between me^m and ttium. This unfortunate want of recollection on his part cost the company of which he was bookkeeper L7OOO and him his life. When he regained th,e possession of his memory he found it such a disagreeable thing that he plunged—not in the waters of Lethe as he ought to have drine had he been orthodox — in to the river sfarra, aud made an end of himself. Loss of memory was caused in his case by share-gambling. Let all who read take warning ere it is too late. '

There is a popular song whose title is "It's niqe to be 'a father." No doubt it is— under certain circumstances, and in certain places. 'The Bay of Islands appears however, not to be a nice locale to become a father. We are informed by a fellow who seems, to be one that, has studied in tihg ljard Ichqoi of experience, that in said locality the families are immoderately large, both in number and in appetite.

Query — What dimension should a family reach in order to merit being called immoderately large ? I know some containing the full baker's dozen, and the fruitful pairs from which they have sprung would be rather riled at the mere hint that they had crossed the boundary of immoderate largeness. , Other parents of my acquaintance imagine the possession of 'eight to qualify for a first-class certificate from the, society for the propagation of the species' which is about to be organised to battle against the pernicious theory of Malthus, and his ardent disciple Stuart Mill. Again, when can a child be justly deemed to have an immoderate appetite? What is the limit of moderation in regard to this desire for food in the young human animaW Seeing that immigration is costing -, the : Colony,^ so many precious thou-^ sands sterling, it would, seem an eqojuimi-' cal method, of procuring population to establish r a State, nursery in the, Bay, p£ Islands. ' The nurslings would, of course,, have "appetites fearfully and wonderfully" made." But these might, be, blunted' by,, abundant doses of treacle and, brimstone, such as Mrs Wackford Squeers was: wont to thrust down the throats of., the .innocents of Dotheboys Hall. / '.., ,. ; ,. : .! "„.' "■ /.,

( f When I was at school boys, [Were boys "is an expression often used, by; men whom the "boys" of the present time style "old fogies." Perhaps the young-] sters are too severe upon these praisers of past times; but I am inclined to think' that "distance lends enchantment '■ to' the view" of these m«n. The'' juvenile r 6f either gender who delighted and .plagued . the., pas and mas of thirty years ago,' would suffer by comparison with the boy or girl of the year of grace 1873. The motto of the, present time is "onward," and "the boy is rfather^. to the man." If then the. boys of ! to-day be worse than those of bygone times the men of twenty years. Hence will be inferior to those wh o lived half a century • before them. One often hears too of the maniiold virtues and excellences of our ancestors, the people who lived in "the brave days of old. " What brilliant itars adorned the sky of poesy, of philosophy, -^ then! What systems of government were built up ; what noble law's made by these.glorious ancients ! Dr Johnson went so far as to assert that the poet 3 who had lived since Homer had been able only |p re-clothe the thoughts of the> immortal Greek. ■ But it must be borne in mind ; that these same ancestors, and especially Homer, had virgin fields to work in, that they took up many of the richest leads, extracted the payable gold, and left little, save wdrked-out and ' " duffer" claims, to unlucky us, who are merely fossickers where they were gentlemen diggers. Surely he would be an unrea.sonable man that would blame washers of tailings for not discovering as much gold as the men who opened and bottomed 1 the shafts v originally. See what marvels we have accomplished where we had unworked, ground to go into. What a lead of wondrous_"richness was that which Cax ton opened to his countrymen L And who among the ancients made discovery of such an. exhaustless " mine of the purest gold as our James , Watt? What Greek /or Roman was able to convert; the awful bolts of Zeus the Thunderer into swift-winged messengers obedient to his smallest behest? " /' ;i : ; ■■' ;'■•■ ■•■'■■■ ; -.■Diogenes; -v.-i