THE MEMBERS TRIP.

Globe, Volume XXIV, Issue 2568, 30 June 1882, Page 3

THE MEMBERS TRIP.

A TRAGEDY. Scene I. Railway Station, Christchurch— Saturday [ Train unloading. Large crowd of M.H R.’s just arrived from port, had an excellent passage down by the Hinemoa.j First Member—Well, this is jolly. Here wo are, in for a regular spree. I feel as if there wasn’t such a thing as a committee or a caucus in the world. We’ll have a glorious three days of it. Hurrah! Second Member—l mean to go in for the regular dolcc far niente sort of thing. Just an occasional trot up to the Exhibition; then wo’ll got a buggy, and drive round the place. They ray it is very pretty. What a lot of good it will do one. Third Member—Yes; perfect rest ana change of scene is just what wo want. No worry, no bother. [Enter on platform Good Templar deputation.] Hoad of deputation commences to read— May it please you, Honorable Members of the House of Representatives, at present on a visit to this our city. We, having been appointed a First Member —Good Heavens, what is this ? A deputation by all that’s sacred ! Second Member —Hang it, this must be a mistake. And so soon too I

Third Member [to head of deputation] My good friend well see you another day. We’re slightly upset by the journey down. (Sotto \oce to the others) : Let’s make a clean bolt of it. [They make towards the station exit.] [Enter deputation of Licensed Victuallers.] Head of Deputation—There they go. Tally ho 1 Just in time. [They make a skilful flank movement and head the members ] Head of Deputation—Gentlemen, just one moment, pray. We have a very important motter to bring before you. Great interests are involved. Wo feel confident that you will see that your earnest attention should be drawn to the matter. [Roads ] May it please you, Honorable Members of the House of Representatives, at present on a visit to this our city. We having been appointed

First Membsr —My dear sir, excuse us. We really can’t attend to you just at present. We are completely knocked up. Second Member —Yes ; utterly fagged. See you another day. Third Member —(Sotto voce) This is a bad beginning, and no mistake. However, there’s the ’bus. Just one push more, and we are safe. [They again make towards the station exit.] Porter (interposing)—Beg pardon, gentlemen. Can't pass this way. You’ve got to go to Haddington to see the Hexhibition. There’s the train waiting for you. First Member—Good gracious, man, what do you mean ? I’m tired, and want rest. I came down here specially for rest, and I will have it. I’ll see the Exhibition all in good time.

Second Member —Are we a show, that we are to be trotted about in this way ? Do I look like a gigantic bullock? Third Member—And do I bear eny resemblance to a learned pig ? Porter—Oan’fc say, sir; but there’s the train and ’ere’s the programme. I’m hundor borders. So please step in, gonts._ [Members take seats despondingly.] Scbnh 11. Boom in Ooksr’s Hotel—Monday, 10.30 a.m. First Member (yawning)—Waiter, bring breakfast. This is awful work. Who’d be a legislator ! That was hottish work on Saturday. Never had such hard work in the House, thank Goodness. Let’s see. Had to steam up to Addington. Then introduced to all the exhibitors British and Foreign. Next a luncheon in the art gallery. Second Member —And then the evening! I don’t believe I shall ever get over it. Phantasmagoria and pantomime in the con. cert hall; Blondin and fireworks, with military band music, in the quadrangle. Third Member —And last, but not least, the great brass concert in the American avenue, and the Burnham juvenile band in the New Zealand octagon. I wish the earth had swallowed up the groat brass band and the juveniles into the bargain! However, lot’s get some breakfast, and then for a quiet smoke and a drive round the town. Eater Waiter hurriedly The ’bus is a waiting, sir. First Member —What ’bus? We’re not going out for an hour or more. Waiter—The ’bus to the station, sir. Second Member The station f Why, we’re not going by train! Waiter —Oh, but you arc, sir. _ Don’t you know you’re going to the Kaiapoi Cloth Factory ? You’re due at the factory at twelve punctually. I didn't think it was no use doing you hsny breakfast, because I knowd you’d *avo to start at once ; so I out you some sandwiches. ’Ere they arc, sir, and your top coat. Third Member—Hang the top coat and the sandwiches. I toll you I won’t go. I don’t want to see the confounded factory.

Waiter —Can't help that, sir. Hero’s the ( programme. And there’s tho citizen’s ball in the evening, too. Mind you look smart and come back in time for that. j_£iit members in tho deepest dejection.] Scene 111 Koom in Ooker’s Hotel—Xo.3o a.m., Tuesday, fMemhors discovered stretched on aofar.] Waiter (putting in his head) —Now then, ’urry up there ; ’urry up there, gents. Hofiicial hinspeotion of the various courts and heshibits at the Heihibition at cloven to tho strike. Sandwiches ns usual. Haven’t cooked no breakfast. Warn’t, no good. ’Urry up ! First Member —What, at it again ? Got out! Second Member —We won’t stir! Third Member —Shy tho poker at him ! Waiter —Werry sorry, sir. Hero, the programme. Hoflioial hinspeotion of various courts hexhibits at eleven. At twelve Blondin’s performances in the quadrangle, when the daring New Z-jaland Hequillbriot will bo presented by tho Promoters with a gold medal. At three, American Demonstration in ‘ the Concert ’All. At eight. Children’s Fancy Dress Ball. Hat 11.45, train to Port. First Member—D n the Promoters. Second Member—D n Blondin, balancing pole and all. Third Member-D—-n the Fancy Dress Ball. Waiter—Sorry gentlemen to ’ear you swear. But it’s no go. Era’s the programme, and you must stick to it, ’Bus is awaiting. [[Members rise and go slowly out in tears ] Scene IV. Corridor in Sunny side Asylum—Wednesday. First Attendant—How’s tho gent in No. 6 ? Second Attendant—Getting calmer. Lord, but be was violent when he was first brought in. He swor’d ’orrid. Said he do for the Promoters. Downright dangerous. I call him. . __ _ . First Attendant—Tho man in No 7 am t as bid as all that. Ha warnt violent a bit, but hawful depressed. Hasn’t eaten _ hanythm" since he oame into the hinstitution. Says° ho want’s to get back to Bellummy’s or some such place. Second Attendant —Has for No. 8 ho s what I calls a downright driveling hidiot. Tho battle’s been too much for the poor old boy. His brain’s gone clean. Never saw such a break down. ’Ale and ’early three days ago, and now a wreck, hif there hever was a wreck. Quito hawful. First Attendant —It warn’fc no use sending such a lot back to Wellington. I s’ppose thev’ll lose their billots to a moral. Can’t see they’re hany more use to hanybody, [Looks into No. 6] He’s in his tantrums again. Now then, quiet there No. G, or we’ll bring the strait waistcoat. [Curtain.]