PRIZE ESSAYS ON NEWSPAPERS.

Globe, Volume XXIII, Issue 2229, 20 April 1881, Page 2

PRIZE ESSAYS ON NEWSPAPERS.

(From the “Sporting Times.”) Newspapers is'termed wehioles o’ information. They is diwided into three sexions—sportin’ papers, noosopapers, and serciety papers. A sportin’ paper (like the " Sportin’ Times”) is a paper as tolls yer fair and square how to inwest yer bob without being welshed; a nooeepapor (like the “Standard”) tells yer the same thing, but portends not to do of it; a serciety paper tells a man what he didn’t a say of, and what his wife didn’t a do of. Compositors is men, but sometimes they is wimmen. They sets up the papers, and makes many a mull o’ their koppy. Say as when a sportin’ writer says one day as how Eobert the Devil will win the Derby, the next day he says as how it was a “ printer’s error,” seeing as how he wrote as plain as a spikeataff Bend Or, which shows as bow compositors is fools. Compositors is very steady men when they is sober, which they seldom is when they can help it. On weekday mornin’s you will find compositors is much about Shoe Lane and Salisbury Court; on Sundays you will find ’em a-bed. Headers is men who spoils the punctivashun o’ compositors. Headers spells a word one way to-day and another way to-morrer. They is better dressed but has loss pay than has compositors. Headers thinks they is intelligent puesons. Some folks thinks different.

Foremen is men as kicks up rows with the compositors for not doin’ what they have been told not to do. Foremen also kicks the printer’s devils. Some foremen sings “ The Sea is England’s Glory.” Other foremen sometimes sing very small, indeed. Reporters is what is termed “ the staff," so many o’ ’em being sticks. They works hard at refreshment bars. They goes night after night to feeds, and eats and drinks for nought. They goes into shops and borders whatever they likes, and pays whenever they likes, which they never pays at all. Some reporters beats their wives, and some wives beats their reporters.

Sub-editors is men who pretends to look orer koppy. But they never pretends to look over bars at barmaids, which they do it reglar. The public thinks sub-editors is editors, which the sub-editors think so their selves, Draymatio critics is the coves that does the theaytres. They is rather seedy - lookin’ chaps durin* the day, but at night—O, my ! —they wears black swaller-tails, and new dickeys which sparkle with glass diamonds. The critics all thinks they is all better playmakers than Billy Shakespeare, and they is always a-improving o’ Hambnlet. They sits in the stalls, lookin’ knives and forks at the audience, and when they turns up their glasses to the gallery to see huz, they seems to say—“ Look at the monkeys from the Zoo.” Their governors tells the critics never to take free passes, nor never to be one sided, which they always j acts up to those ob structions. Editors is men of great ability, and knows enything in the ivings above and the hearth beneath, and the (strong) waters under the hearth. Editors is writers who doesn't write anythink. They eats and they drinks more than does the reporters, but they does it on the Q.T, They’re the biggest men you ever see. Managers and publishers is men who gathers in tin. They takes as much as they likes to themselves, and gives the rest to the proprietors. Proprietors isn’t anybody, they aint never seen. In winter they lives in the country, and in summer they goes yotting. Printer’s devils is the most important persons in a paper office. They has the hardest work and gets the softest screw. That is all.