THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume XXIII, Issue 2223, 12 April 1881, Page 3

THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

My old friend the editor and proprietor of the “ Lyell Times,” better, perhaps, known as the “ Lyell Argus,” has sold out his interest in that celebrated journal. He has been kind enough to send me the valedictory number of the paper which he made so famous. His farewells are very varied. He has a public notice of the sale of the paper, in which he improves the occasion; a leading article, ditto ; and a very touchingly written farewell article of another sort, concluding as follows :

“ I om bidding you a long farewell, My many friends, kind and true ; But trust me, I shall not forget you, In the land I’m going to. And often, as ’neath the blue gum trees, I sit and rest awhile. My heart will travel back again, And ‘ my spirit ’ haunt the Lyell.” “ I hope ‘ The Lost Tribe ’ will not think me personal when I use tho word ‘ spirit ’: I do not allude to ‘ Tho Lyell Spirit,’ but to the ‘ Spirit of “ The Lyell Times.”

His last wave is as beneath;— “ Notice.—l request that all accounts due to me be paid at once.—T. J. Metcalfe.” Those who have been so long amused with the funniments of the mountain editor, reader, printer, machinist, and devil, for he was all these, will be pleased to learn that he is gone to Oollingwood, where I have li' tie doubt we shall hear from him again. Mr Metcalfe may feel assured that he has the hearty good wishes of many over here. According to a recently received English paper, a lady in Hereford, when quarrelling with her husband, put out her tongue at him. Her lord and master bit an inch off it, and was, we are informed, bound over to keep the peace. What I went to know, how do these two doves get on now ? Is the inch off the tongue a fair handicap ? How does it strike you ? I’ve been imposed on again by the “ Mysteries of Udolpho.” Here you are (I thought it was the commencement of a temperance article): —“ Women, especially in tho higher circles, shrink naturally from intoxicating liquors. Even when constrained to take an inebriating potion, as a medical necessity, they evince a repugnance characteristic of their antiphlogistic ideas. Now it is an indisputable fact that the most delicate females have not only taken Udolpho Wolfe’s Schiedam Aromatic Schnapps without a compunction, but elated with its gently stimulating and mildly tonic effects, have conceded it a preference over all others.—[Advt.J” Bat Udolpho is not quite correct in his opening statement. I have seen ladies, a great many ladies in the highest circles, that did nothing of the sort. They may have had antiphlogistic id* an, but when the ruddy wine was circling around the festive board, there was no shrinking about them. Not half a shrink.

Mr and Mrs Horace Lingard, says the “Honolulu Commercial Advertiser,” well known star actors, passed through here on their way to San Francisco per steamer Australia, having just finished a very successful engagement in the colonies. It had a very funny wind up though. That list of liabilities was the quaintest record I over perused. And still we had to part. Mrs Martha J. Lamb announces the completion of the manuscript of her “History of the City of New York,” which has occupied her attention during the greater part of the past fourteen years. Barnes and Co. are publishing it in monthly parts, of which the last will soon be issued, ending the second volume. I don’t wish Martha any harm, but I don’t like the look of this volume. Monthly parts! Second volume! I foresee another descent of the book agents. In this connection I should like to state that there is No Opening here for lightning rod canvassers. The first lot of these fiends opening business in Australia will do a fair thing—a very big thing, but not here. “It is there; it is there, my boys,” as Mrs Hemans beautifully writes.

The Norristown “ Herald,” says the “ Turf, Field, and Farm,” is responsible for this horrible rumor—“ Sarah Bernhardt, after fulfilling her present engagement in this country will start out on a series of annual farewell tours, covering a period of three years, before her return home.” We can lick this horrible rumor here in New Zealand with a fearful reality. There’s a party here “of the name of ” —shall I say—Johnson, who has been having a series of farewell tours covering a space of over eight years, who, alas, ain’t finished yet. He did intend, he said, to leave his bones in Australia, but since then he has observed that he is pining for dear New Zealand. This nostalgia means another round of farewell benefits prior to his leaving for England, or mayhap Akaroa. He is a farewell tourist, if you like.

“ Artesian Wells “ Down Again.” “ IT. Grant, of the Ferry road, begs to inform the public that ho is now sinking wells at wonderfully low prices. Good flows guaranteed and no dribbles. I give Mr Grant a free advertisement with much plea, sure, for I happen to know he is a good artist in his own |fine, but what does he mean by the following—- “ F.G. is open for engagement to the lower strata?” What depth is this lower strata, and what do you find there ? Mr Beck, who collects the dog tax, and as it were collars and dogs those who don't collar their own dogs is, a very courteous official. He may thank his stars that his collecting duties do not lie in the Waipu, Auckland district, where the kindly settlers according to the Hawera “ Star ” passed the following glowing resolution—“ That any collector of the said dog-tax visiting Waipu bo considered socially on a level of degradation with the common informer, and bo treated as a voluntary outcast from all possible association with any respectable member of society.,’ Mr Hannaford, the collector, has protested against being insulted in this manner, and requested protection from the Government. I wonder if they’d have a drink with the voluntary outcast if he suggested it. “ Outfit for Hew Zealand.—Hints wanted by a young married lady going to live in New Zealand, at Christchurch. Is the same olething required as in England ? how many dresses would be wanted, and could others be made there ? what would be required for the voyage P—Miss Toto. ” The above is from the “Queen.” I could answer the above. The same clothing is required. The girls here don’t walk about in possum rugs. They follow the fashion most of them, domestics included, in a/estina lente sort of style. When Miss Toto arrives her dresses will bo about two years ahead _ of theirs, which new arrivals find very gratifying. The number of dresses the lady will require depends entirely on circumstances. Other dresses can bo made hero, but a good wardrobe is always useful. As to what would be required for the voyage. Well, Messrs Fortnum and Mason can make you up as good an outfit for a sea trip as anyone in England. I English papers, “ Queen ” especially, please copy.] So they’ve busted the old Czar at last. I knew somehow these Nihilist gentlemen would hang to him until they had scooped him out. I cannot shed tears over the occurrence myself. I like not Czars nor their crooked styles. Do mortals nil, Ac., of course. I don’t want to abuse the defunct, but I can’t help laughing when I think “ what a day a number of ragged, shivering wretches will have in the Siberian mines when they hear the news.”

His Excellency, Sir Arthur Gordon, has paid his first visit to Christchurch, and expressed himself pleased with the place. So far very good, but what I should like to know is the real opinion of tho Rokotui of Thakaundrovi on the subject. By the way, what is a Rokotui ?

What a lot of good stories about one thing and the other X have heard from the West Coast. One comes to me this week of a wellknown magistrate over there, who in the early days was a jocund yarlet, and who loved to hear the chimes—had there been any—of early morn. On one occasion, he had been carousing with a number of jolly diggers, some of whom elected to see him safely home. The majority of them were implentur veteris Bacchi, as the pastoral poet V. Maro exquisitely expresses the state of having had too much. The escort got very rowdy and began to break things. Thus they went home under an escort themselves. They were locked up, in point of fact, Next morning, they were arraigned before their boon companion of the evening previous. They made no defence, and wore fined from 10s to £3 a-piece. They then had a long lecture on the evils of intoxication, at the conclusion of which one of the dissipated party exclaimed, “ Why, it was all your Worship’s fault. You were as bad as any of us.” “That may bo quite possible, my good man,” said the Solon. “You must mind to pick your company more carefully on ■ future occasions. Court’s adjourned,”

The traditional Sabbath threepenny subscription has furnished me with many a paragraph for many years. But it seems that members of some congregations are getting worse still. They are contributing buttons, • and some of those gilded sixpences which many people know, to their cost, look so like a half-sovereign. In one church I occasionally visit on occasions of divine service they got full of it, like the chaplain in India who commenced his charity sermon to a very large number of the British forces as follows Now my brethren, I want real charity to-day. I don’t want to find letters in the bag rolled up like Bank-notes, with ‘No good, Cocks, you’re too long-winded; we wont part ’—written on them. It’s your real money I want, and your money I will have to-day.” The churchwardens resolved to try the plate instead of the secretive bag. It produced an extraordinary excitement. Wealthy and respectable people of both sexes were seen shifting the nimble threepenny, or mayhap the ehiny breeches button into their pockets, and feeling for coins that would look hot ter in the eyes of the collector and their follow-sinners in the same pew. Some had brought no further supplies, and had to look down and pass. It was a terrible affair, but the total amount showed an increase of 50 per cent. I make no comment on this ; I only ask the “ Ashburton Mail,” the “Rangiora Standard,” the “Ellesmere Guardian,” the “ Akaroa Buster,” and the “Lyell Times” to please copy.