THE LOAFER IN THE STREET,

Globe, Volume XXIII, Issue 2168, 5 February 1881, Page 3

THE LOAFER IN THE STREET,

Now that there is every posribility, says an American paper, that the Jeannette and her bravo crew are loot, it might be a good thing to be told by some of those who promote Arotie expeditions what benefit accrues from even the most sucoessf ul of them.

That's just what I want to know. It was Sydney Smith, I believe, who described Sierra Leone as a place from whenoe there was always a dead bishop coming home dead and another one going out to succeed him. Arctic expeditions are muoh similar. There is always one lot lost and about three otbers engaged in losing themselves while looking after them. Assuming that after the millions that have been expended the north-west should be thoroughly found out, it would be only another edition of Sir Charles Coldstream's crater. There would be "nothing in it." It's wonderful, when you come to think over it, how very shaky some paper men are on their geography. Here if an example from the leading sporting paper in America : —" J. O'Connor,' champion of New Zealand,' performed the feat of walking seven miles within tho hour at the Oddfellows' Hall, Christchurch, England." There is a little place called Christehurch in England, but how any one could mistake it for a wealthy metropolis like this town is extraordinary. I heard from a friend the other day one of the prettiest little stories in the world. It is, you will say, an idyllic narrative of the first force. In a town not above 100 miles from Christehurch there is a very high-toned ladies' school, and at this seminary a pursuing of her piano, French, drawing, and other studies, resides the object of Flibbin's affections. During the ladies' vaoations it was that Flibbins lost his heart to the fair Dulcinea, and while they lasted he had many opportunities of forcing the running with the Objeot. But the time oame for parting. The young lady had to return to sohool, where, of oourse, no sweethearts of the opposite sex to the inma'es were admitted. But Flibbins was sufficient for the occasion. He called several times at the seminary, always representing himself as the brother of Dulcinea, and of course always obtained the desired interview. It is necessary for the proper appreciation of this idyl for me to state before going further that up to this time the courtship, or let us say the flirtation, had been carried on with the utmost circumspection. Flibbins _so far had been like the blameless young'swell Sir Galahad. He had never "felt the kiss of love nor squoze a maiding's hand." But to proceed, on one occasion he called as usual at the school, but on being ushered in he found himself in the same room with not only Duloinea but Dulcinea's mistress. It was only natural that Flibbins Bhould feel sort of embarrassed like. Not so the young lady. With that presence I of mind and taot proverbial with the fair Bex, ! she threw her arms round his neck, and kissing him with much effusion exclaimed, "Well, Harry, dear. How's mamma and Bessie ? ' Thus the affair pissed off well, and, bless them both, 1 trust they will ever be happy.

I had recently occasion to refer to the extraordinary specimens of correspondence that frequently omanato from members of school committees- I have, since writing the paragraph in question, received from various Bouroes some very curious specimens of epistolary art. Here is rather a good sample, though whether the young lady who received it in answer to her inquiry as to the duties she would have to fulfil was any the wiser after perusing it I cannot say. "To Miss

" I am in yours of the the duties is plain Soieng an pupil teacher and as regards the Salary I oant say What that will Be thay are altred But I think it will be about tewenty pounds this is no house proTided." Here is another also from a chairman of committee. «' Mr Schoolmaster " Sir Please infarm theJOhildren of a Committee Meeting on Saturday evening At 7 o'clock to Arang A Bout getting prises for Mr Bestells Examination Whitch takes place on you will see from this letter I Beosived yesterday. " I tra Sir touts "Beapectfily (N. 8.) Vot eoao inscrutable reason the

chairman had made a bold attempt to back this letter to the Minister of Education.

These are good enough, but not quite so funny as another chairman of committee who, taki g the ohair at an up-country school entertainment, said that owing to the unavoidable absenoe of one of the performers his item would have to be postpounded (Query postponed); and who also stated during the evening that "there would now be an Interveal of Ten Minutes."

I have received from a friend a curiosity from the Melbourne Exhibition. This is a business notice in connection with a coachmaking firm in Lombardy, in three languages. The French and Italian run out first class, but the English arrangement is very funny. Space will not allow me to quote it in full, but three clauses from a description of the merits of a new cab landaulet will suffice.

"1. Its lightness; for the box being well equilibrated with the internal seats, the greatest weight falls on the wheels behind, the traction is rendered so more easy, and may be used also for a long journey and with one horse only. "3. The coachman placed so high behind can lead the horse much better and easily avoid those accidents so frequent in towns crowded with circulating coaches. "4. With this new system one may also easily prevent the horse from falling, especially in descents, and one has not that troublesome shaking as in old cabs." The Sydney " Bulletin " says that Archbishop Vaughan is "a demon" with the gloves, and that by way of exercise he matutinally dons the mittens with his coachman. In this connection an old story comes to my memory, also about a pugilistio Australian episoopal. There was a station I had sometimes occasion to visit to attend cattle mustersThe squatter was built on a gigantio scale, and was a regular don with the gloves. All visitors were supposed to have a turn with him, and all visitors were as a rule very full of the seance in a very short time. On one occasion however " Frank" got hold of a customer that astonished him. This was no less a person than the Bishop of A., who was on one of his pastoral tours. After tea his Lordship, spotting the gloves on the sideboard, said he had not had a turn for years, and suggested that "Frank" should shape with him. And they started. The Bishop (about the best man of his day at Oxford), though rather on the big side of condition, got on to Frank just as he pleased. Lord ow he popped them into him and—it was the pleasantest evening I ever spent in my chequered and very varied career. From a careful summing up of the collections made at the Cricket Ground during the recent match, it has been calculated that the average subscriptionwas (ohildren not included) fourpence ahead. This is very liberal. It's just one penny over what all our leading citizens part to the bag on Sundays. What more could you expect ? "I have," writes a correspondent of the Cambridge (North Island) paper, " known of the editorial craft going into all manner of attitudes, sober and insane, but the following is the first attempt I have ever heard of one going into Holy Orders. It appears as an announcement in a contemporary, and rsads as follows:—'An ex-editor of the * Waikato Mail* is studying for the Wesleyan Ministry.*" Well, you know, I don't see why any respectable Press man should not join any Ministry. In fact, I should say they were well adapted for the position. Of oratory they must, from their professional experiences, be good judges. For " experiences" they must be well off. A) Mr Talmage says, no class of people are more thoroughly conversant with the various phases of human nature than observant reporters. And in their position they have to be as wise as serpents, aad innocent as doves. Every reporter has more or less eloquence, beoause during his career he probably returns thanks for the Press about onoe a week on an average. As the toast is invariably almost the last he learns to add brevity to eloquenoe, and that is a very useful thing in the higher profession. They are also for the part fair readers, and the ministers of all creeds could stand a lot of improvement in that respect. Oh, no ! I don't see why the Churoh should not be recruited from the ranks of the ink-slingers. I know several both here and in Dunedin that would be most creditable members of the ministry. The best thing that's come to me yet in connection with the visit of the Australian Eleven is as follows:—Two visitors to the ground, who might have had a nip or two, were examining the scoring board: " Well Bill," said the most sorewed of the two, " there's no use in staying here any more. The excitement is all out of this thing." "How's thatP" said his mate. " Why there's 42 out for 4 runs. It's a regular farce." Exeunt.