LITERATURE.

Globe, Volume XXII, Issue 2066, 7 October 1880, Page 3

LITERATURE.

A PARLIAMENTARY CANDIDATE. [From “Truth.”] ‘Want to get into Parliament, do y;r?’ observed Mr Silas A. Fluke, eyeing his companion in a businesslike manner; ‘I wouldn't, now, if I were you ; but I think I know a man can do the trick for yon.’ Then, after mnsing a minute over a rather intractable cigar, he asked suddenly, 1 How much !’

The person with whom he had been talking in the coffee room of the Langham Hotel, where they had met by chance, was a pale, nervous-looking man, with rather too high a forehead, and a general appearance of money and ill-health. He seemed amazed at the discourse of Mr Fluke, but merely contented himself with answering, ‘ What queer ideas of England you Americans seem to have I’

‘ Mebee, mebbe not,’ replied the Yankee ; 1 but I have done a good deal in elections on and off since I was raised, and hearing the old game was going to begin again on this side of the big ditch, I thought I’d keep my hand in.’

* I fancy yon won’t have much business,’ said the candidate for Parliamentary honors, whose name was Pillster;

‘Don’t know so much about that. I’ve got a borough in my room drinking a julip just now, if he ain’t gone away. He calls every day for orders puctually at one o’clock, and when I’m not in ha has the run of my cigar box.’ ‘ What do yon mean ?’ asked Mr Fillister, rather testily, for true-born Britons do not like to have the institutions of their country set at nought by foreigners, and Mr PilUter was a high and dry Conservative enlightened patriot, as became a man who had made a fortune in Japan.

‘ I mean just this. Sir Richard Porteons has got a family borough, been in his gift for ever so long, and ho and I mean to sell it to the best bidder. That is our line of policy, or leastways mine. We settled it at blind-hookt-y coming over. Mebbe I could put one or two more through Mrs Helen C. Oheke, onr newest Yankee girl out here, and p’rhaps as many through Ephraim Scheuto, the bill discounter, who is well in with most of your lords and highflyers. But the borough I’ve told you about is the only one I have speculated in as yet, and a very nice borongh it is, mind you. All fair and square. Agricultural population one hundred and thirtyfonr by Dod—same as Portarlington—all tenants at will, and processes ready to serve on the majority bar one, who is Sir Richard himself. That’s a safe thing, I think, mister I'

‘ tJa 1’ said Mr Pillster, beginning to take an interest in the conversation. He had seen a parliamentary agent that morning, who had given him a very different account of elections. He too, indeed, had talked of money, hut it was in connection with journeys, dinners, printing, hotel bills, advertisements, local solicitors, and other items of expanse intelligible to the British understanding, whereas Mr Silas A. Fluke professed that the whole thing could ba managed over a sherry-cobbler and a single cheque if it were only large enough. Mr Pillster did not want money. There was no mistake about the fortune he had made in Japan, and the Oriental Fank Corporation, which does business with Yokohama, would not have been snrprised to see his name to a draft in several figures. Moreover, if anything really could be done through this queer American whom he had picked up In a coffee-room, it would simplify matters considerably. He felt the more inclined to sound the Yankee further because one especial part of the proceedings as a candidate for Parliimentary honors made him nervous and unhappy. Mr Knox, of the eminent firm of Knox and Scnfflewell, who were his own men of business, had assured him that he would have to spend at least a week in winning the good graces of an eccentric old gentleman who really disposed of the chief interest in the place which they had selected as most likely to return him qualified for legislative honors; and this had weighed upon his mind like a nightmare. He was a man of considerable abilities, and would have made as good a member of Parliament as any one else who has passed hia life in enriching himself by commercial pursuits without much taste or concern for the abatruser principles of political economy ; but he was of rather a shy temperament, having mixed little in general society at Yokohama, and he thought with dismay over his chances of captivating a grumpy valetudinarian who might take a capricious dislike to him at first sight. Besides, he was unaccustomed to public speaking, and shrank from orations to local mobs, and all the fuss and turmoil of the hustings. He thought, with a good many other people, that it was far pleasanter in the good old times, when a candidate paid a thousand a year for his seat to the recognised owner of it as long as the Parliament lasted, and nothing more was needed to be done or said upon the subject. * Wal, boss,’ said Mr Silas A, Floke, who had been watohing| him ; ‘ shall us trade, or have a cccktail—or both ?’ * Both, if you like, and if you can,’ replied Mr Pillster, with sudden vivacity, ‘Hold on 1’ exclaimed the Yankee; ‘l’ll soon show you whether I can or not. Hi! boy ! waiter ! what do you call yourself? bring two slings, and fetch down a stout gentleman with a red face who is smoking cigars at No. 39, my room. Tell him I want him for a customer. That looks like business, I think,’ added Mr Fluke, briskly, when he had completed these arrangements. Indeed, things continued to look more and more like business henceforth. Mr Pillster soon ascertii ed that Sir Richard Porteons was an authentic Irishman whose family had enjoyed for some generations the chief interest in a borough which formed, in fact, a part of their own estates; and even Mr Knox admitted there was no doubt that the Porteons influence could certainly send Mr Pillster to St Stephens if exerted to do so. Mr Seuffleirell, when also consulted, expressed the same opinion, and charged the interview in which he did so at two guineas in the day book of the firm, for parliamentary agents make charges commensurate with t: eir professional dignity. There they stopped; and Mr Knox, who had an agreeable wit, whistled the Irish tune, ‘ You’re not the man for Galway.’ ‘ I understand yon to say Sir Richard Forteons really can make his man safe ?’ inquired Mr Pillster, therefore, once more, * Yes, sorr, he can, ’ replied Mr Knox, ‘You seem to lay a stress on the word “ can ” suggested Mr Pillster, ‘Yes, sorr ; bskaaa I’m for doubting whether he will,’ said Mr Knox, showing a very fine set of teeth. ‘Ab, you may leave that to mo,’ answered Mr Pillster, drily. He had all the confidence of a man who has made money out of hia own head, and knows the value of It. ‘ The top of the morning to you 1 When you want me again, you’ll send for me,’ said Mr Knox, taking leave of his client with extreme good humour. ‘ Hood bye,’ answered Mr Pillster, with less cordiality ; ‘and by the way,’ he added, ‘ I shall be be glad to know what I am indebted to you.’ ‘Time enough for that sorr,’ answered Mr Knox, showing his teeth again ; * I’ll send in me bill next session.’ ‘I would ratfaei pay ready money,’ returned the rich man, thinking complacently of a promissory note on demand which he held from Sir Richard Porteons, ‘ By the big hill of Howth you shall do that too, sorr,’ said Mr Knox, shaking hands with him. And so they parted._ ‘Wal, you see, I’ve made it all right,’ remarked Mr Silas A. Fluke, calling on Mr Pillster in traveling costume the day of the election which was to make a legislator of the aucceseful trader in Japan. * I hear yon have paid Sir Richard’s ex’s, and done the handsome thing by him ; now, about my commission ; it’s a b'g sum, that is, and I’m come for it myself to prevent mistakes before I say ta ta to this rotten old country.’ Mr Pillster handed the American gentleman a cheque which he had already written, for he waa cot the man to haggle with the pilot who had steered him safely into port, and half-anhour afterward Mr Silas A. Fluke was on his way to Liverpool rejoicing, having booked his passage in the first Cunarder outward bound, which was to go cut to sea that same evening. Mr Pillster, like Mr Silas A. Fluke, seldom wasted time; he spent the day looking out for eligible chambers near the House of Commons, suitable for a busy and active , member; having found out what he wanted, i he lost no time in securing them, paying a premium in advance, he also ordered in a , complete collection of ‘ Hansard’s Reports ’ and all the Bine Books yet published having

reference to Japanese affairs. to which be intended to devote his epetial attention j he had only time for a late dinner at his hotel after that, and it caused him a fit of. indigestion, bnt he consoled himself with the reflection that he should soon be a men*- - her of a political club without ballot in Lis* new character of M,P., and he would ask advice as to the club which er j y- d the best-, cook, good dinners being, in his opinion, essential to good legislation. He passed rather a f eve~i h night, for the tough ox and unsatisfactory oyster-sanoe cf which he had eaten metamorohossd theiur* selves into an avenging nightmare, and t ok vengeance on him for thiir premature decease. Still, next morning he was well enough to rise much exhllara;el by the sight of the morning papers, which he hud ordered to be brought to him as soon as they appeared. He ponred himself cat a cup r.f tea before he opened the various news sheets airing before his cosy ba hei r fire; and then dismissed his servant, saying carelessly—

' While yon are out John, please brieg my new cards home.’

‘Yezzir,’ said the servant, with a spasmodic twitch of ths shoulders, for he, o£ course, had read the papers. Then Mr Pillatsr drank the first bbom off his cup of tea, settled himself in his easychair, and prepared to enjoy bis triumph. A brisk and hasty rap at the d or, however, interrupted him, whi'e an unopened journal was still in his hands; and his servant, who had not had time to leave the’ house on his errand, put his head again discreetly into the door and announced : ‘I beg pardon, sir, Mr Knox has ca led.’ 1 ‘Ah, show him in,’ answerol Mr Fillister, who was not above the human weakness of airing hia new consequence before one who had seemed to denbt of his taotnnd discretion in winning it. ‘You see, sorr, I was right; so was mo partner Scufflewell,’ observed Mr Kn6x, airily, and disclosing his fine white teeth well to view ; ‘ but be aaey, sorr. You shall be a mlmber still before a month goes Over your head. I know a mao who will die of apoplexy on purpose to make a vacancy for you. ’

‘Eight? Vacancy?’ muttered Mr PiDater. ‘I don't understand.’

* No, sorr, so I see; bnt I thought yon might have read the papers. Sir bichard, long life to him, and mure power -to hb» elbow. Sir Richard Porteons Las returned himself. He left Queenstown in the Cunard steamer this morning, and i i off as before. He can take his seat after Hake has played him out in New York, where a member of Parliament is ‘some Pumpkins,’ as they say in the United States.’