DOMESTIC WORRIES.

Globe, Volume XXII, Issue 2035, 1 September 1880, Page 3

DOMESTIC WORRIES.

(“ Queen.”) At one time or another, every mistress of a household has realised the existence of what one may call a “ storm cycle ” in the domestic atmosphere, whose duration, and often cause, is unknown. It may be traceable, in the first instance, to some newly introduced member, who, charming in other ways, may not be reliable as to tongue or temper; or to some “kind friend,” either of mistress or maid, who may have produced a feeling of uneasy suspicion. But, from what cause it may—and often none can be discovered —the storm is there, the luckless mistress often only discovering its existence when it is whistling round her ears, and tho household comfort is, pro tem., wrecked. I am not now speaking of those households where the mistress seems to spend her life in making a catalogue raisonne of all the defects servants (hers in especial) are liable to, but of families where for a long while all things seem smooth and pleasant, and where, until the storm broke, no one had ever, apparently, thought about the “ domestic difficulty.” The worst of these domestic troubles is that no reliable information can ever be got of their beginnings. Naturally no one cares to pose as a make-bate (to use a schoolboy term) ; and besides, in most oases, the originator of all tho worry is unconscious, or professes to be so, of the evil, except, like the rest of the world, by Its effect. One may have, as one of your correspondents pathetically laments, a household who work admirably, and are eminently pleasant as servants, but who cannot, or will not live in peace with one another, and so render the lives of mistress and fellow servants intolerable.

One remedy for this state of things lies near the hand of mistresses. When engaging servants tell them plainly and exactly what their work is, and also their exact position with regard to their fellow servants ; and say that if they find themselves uncomfortable in any way they are to come straight to yourself, and that you do your best in every way to arrange matters comfortably. This arrangement may in some cases give trouble, for a disagreeable maid, like other freeborn Britons, will sometimes go on grumbling for the the pleasure of it; still, experience soon teaches one if there be a reasonable cause for it or not. One rule, however, must bo adhered to, and that is, that if any servant brings a complaint against another, the two must be called together before the mistress, and the case put straightforwardly before them. If there be a real trouble, a few kindly words from the mistress will often disperse what might, if neglected, have grown into a regular storm. If it be only a quarrelsome, gossiping piece of tale-bearing, this treatment will soon put an end to it. As soon as servants realise (and, like children, servants understand more and faster than we are opt to imagine) that by going direct to their mistress there will be even-handed justice, they get out of the way of “ oliqueing ” the real source of most domestic troubles—and soon learn to live quietly and pleasantly together. But, if this rule is instituted, it must be rigidly adhered to—one infraction almost will undo the work of years. Where, however, it is the fairly established and acknowledged rule, it is wonderful what a help it is to both mistress and maids. The former feels that if there be any real discomfort, one or other is sure, pretty soon, to appeal to her ; whilst the latter can, if things get beyond a little skirmish (and, like their mistresses, maids must occasionally have their times of depression and worry, when it is not quite easy to keep evsn-tempered) always say, Well, if you are not pleased, let us go and speak to the mistress. ” This may not be an infallible remedy for domestic worries (unfailing specifics are rare !), but I know in many instances it has been very successful, and any way it is not difficult to try, if the mistress be honestly and unselfishly’ bent on making her household comfortable. There is so much fussy benevolence and sentimentality, to say nothing of the perpetual talk about “ classes” and “ class prejudice,” that one feels afraid almost to suggest such a notion as that, to rulo her own household well and pleasantly for all, a mistress must “ keep her place” as mistress in her own house, and keep the others in theirs. Classes are unavoidable, but surely this “ class antagonism,” of which we hear so much, is not; though perhaps all this gushing anxiety to remove the motes in the eyes of our (“lower class”) brother and sister will go far to make it so. One need neither tyrannise over, nor overlook the feelings of, one’s servants, because one insists on having one's due. In fact, the most successful mistresses, and most popular with servants, are those who, to all outward appearance, are most exacting, but who, on examination, will prove to be as scrupulous in giving their rights to others as they are in guarding their own. ‘ I can’t tell how Mrs A. manages. She seems able to keep her servants and they appear satisfied and happy, and yet she never seems to trouble herself about them. Now I do all I can for them, and yet I’m sure what I have to go through, from Jane’s sulks and Maria’s grumbling, words won’t describe. Servants arc an ungrateful race.’ Q. B. D. of course from the first! Such is the fretful cry of Mrs 8., who is blissfully unconscious that Jane and Maria take her measure far more correctly than she can theirs, and are perfectly aware of the real contempt and want of consideration underlying the pampering and toleration she thinks so much of. Servants appreciate quickly and perfectly the difference between the lady who tries to bribe them into good temper, and overlooks almost anything to save trouble, and the mistress who, quick to see where blame or praise is due, awards each fairly and quietly, and, while striving her utmost to keep to her own standard of duty, herself expects, and generally gets, the same from others. “ She’s a real lady ; she doesn’t worry around after one, and knows a good servant when she sees one. She’ll tell you sharp enough if a thing don’t please her ; but there ! so she will if it does ; aud if you are in trouble, she’ll be the first to give you a hand in her quiet way. She’s none so haughty then, though she does keep her place at other times, and quite right too, say I.” That was a speech I heard once made by a servant of her late mistress, and it struck me all the more, as in my opinion, and that of more of her friends, the lady ranked rather with the lady so peevishly complained of by the before-named Mrs B.

Deal fairly with your servants, and they, in nine cases out of ten, will deal fairly by you. But dealing fairly is not either pampering, worrying, or neglecting them. Do not pamper them up with luxuries they have never known or needed, and which hundreds of older and more delicate women never dream of. That is no real kindness, for it simply unfits them for tho natural end of their careers, as the wives of respectable artisans and tradesmen. Again, do not try to force on your servants the stylo of living enjoyed (?] by servants of fifty or a hundred years ago, unless you mean to introduce the “ parlor ” life of that age into your own drawing-room. Social life has moved on for all classes since then, and things nowadays required as necessaries by servants would then have been groat luxuries, oven for the rich. Let your servants see that, if exact in having the work done, you are also anxious to grant all fair liberty, and'to forward their pleasures as much as those of any other member of your household ; give them such help as you can afford towards improving their taste and comfort, either by lending or giving them books, or by assisting them to make their domoins prettier and more home-like; and you will certainly bo repaid in tho long run. Your maids will attend to their work better, and, beyond that, will take an interest in you and your family j failing which, however ) smoothly your household may got on, your bouse will never really be “ home.”