THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume XXII, Issue 1860, 9 February 1880, Page 3

THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

You will perhaps excuse me when I say that this affair looks liko a real put up job on yours truly. I will state my case as succinctly as possible, and if I'm in the wrong I apologise in advance. If I'm right in my original surmise you'll have to sack some of your printers and the majority of your literary staff. The facts of my case are briefly thus. Your sub-editor left me in charge the other evening to go to the opera. T knew what I had to do. I had to fake telegrams which would make the tongue of even the patient Job to utter the strongest words in the dictionary of profanity. This I got through, though I say it, who shouldn't, fairly. But another treat was in store for me. I was taking my first spell, when to me entered " The Boy." You know "The Boy." Yov know his ways. How he never files the right paper on the right file How he plays " jeff" with his mates when he should be sweeping out the room. How he plays marbles and pitch and toss with his outside acquaintances when you are waiting for English files, and have givon him instructions to go to the Post and retnrn quickly for his life. What does " the Boy " care for his life ? What does " the Boy " care for at all ? If we all meet with our deserts, what must be in store for "the Boy?" But I wander. The Boy announced the arrival of two American gentlemen to describe their new String Binders. I said " Boy, Somewhat too much of this. Send the strangers to Mr Hart, next room. He knows machinery. Send them to the urbane editor in his den below. I've been there before." To me " the Boy" —"Both out, sir, and they must see some one." Then it was. _ In they came ; nice gentlemanly chaps, and the tragic scona commenced. It commenced by thorn asking me out to have a glass of wine. It was a mistake. I knew it at the time. I had some old torn, and to the old torn uncharitable men have attributed the mix-up which aftorwards followed. Such is not the case. I was aB compos then as I am now. However, I took notes of their

machines—as good notes as any man conld tako, and had it not been for the arrival of the agent of the Sulky Gang Ploughs—a very nico man too—l think I could have pulied through ; but any how the printers mixed up tho whole affair. This I allow may have been partly owing to my receiving the dictation of three visitors at tho same time. Julius Cne3ar used to dictate to four reporters. But the 'cases are different. I'm not Cauar, and Cteaar never had to do with reapers and binders, nor, so far as I can learn, over _ wrote with three peoplo dictating to him at the same time, and a head printer throwing English expletives at him for more copy. In justification to myself I should like to publish the record of this interview as it oppoura from the printer's hands. It may show tho honest farmer that these machines are being improved. It may show you I tried my best. It may shame your boys for leaving the old man to cope singlehanded with two unyielding twino binders, a deep Gang Ploughist, and a bloodthirsty printer. Here is my little effort— u Tiie new machine in connection with the well-known firm of Hoopthy, Gumps and Company has arrived. It has been materially improved. To meet the requirements of a country that prefers not to have wire in its chaff, Hoopthy, Gumpß and Co. have introduced string us a binder, so have Jackston, and so have Beering. The principle of the improvements is briefly ao thus (they all said briefly, and briefly I put it; I felt glad to put it briefly). The tying apparatus is simple, the old-fashioned handles being dispensed with, the two mould boards boing firmly attached to a movable or side swinging gang of two beams. The knot is a close or overhand ono, and tied tightly, which, when about to turn corners, a slight upward turn of the lever unlocks the joint, while a forward motion brings the ploughshare upon an elevating web and lifts it inside the twine on tho binding table, through which the needle containing the twine is regulated by a simple device at the forward end of the beams, and as the draught is direct from the work to the carriage, the sheaf is then pushed off quietly from the platform by the succeeding sheaf, which, unlike other string binders, has a straight independent axh>, the off wheel running on the top of the first furrow, and is always in a level position. Thus the progress of the unbound grain is arrested by tho driver pressing the foot trip, and it will be easily seen that the new string binders imported by Messrs Morrow and Basset, Miison and Struthers, Wood, Shand and Co., and the gang ploughs of Mr King must conduce to the interest of farmors generally, and the well-boinsr of the Canterbury mercantile and agricultural community." 1 had got tho above strung out nicely, and had fixed off Father Chiniquy, killed Mahommed Jan, and taken ten bankruptcy advertisements, when the door oponed and in came the representative of the firm of Golfopples and Co. He -was good enough to look over my string binding proof. He smiled in a quiet style and said, " Perhaps it's as well I was not here sooner. Anyhow you may as well take a few of our circulars in reference to our new string binders." I declined the circulars, but, in the way of business, took up my pen again to note his improvements. I knew I'd mess it up, and so I did, but his ideas, or rather my ideas of what his ideas were :—"Our new String Binder will oe here next season, on view at i Wilkin's. My boy, suspend your judgment in regard to those other niachim s. I don't need to remind you that we have hitherto taken more than our share of the prizes given by societies similar to your Agricultural one < here, and our new machine must be seen to be appreciated. It consists of an Automatio Bind-ir Clutch Putting Binder in gear when ' grain sufficient to form, a sheaf has been elevated to the binding attachment (this reads like a love story, but we will > go on) ; also a combined compressor and separator, leaving sheaf square on the butts every time. You can't lick that you know." I say, "No ; I can't lick it," and we proceed i again. " Our automatic clutch is regulated < by spring regulating size of sheaf. Our < elevator and binder can take a sheaf _6ft. long and not shed a bit of grain. The height < of out cut is regulated by cogged hangers engaging toothed shieve, operated by lever and chain. Look here, we have made a now i Btring binder, with special reference to attaching the same to any form of harvester : now in use. No violent chain lightning movements of complex jointed levers and Kentucky mill kickers to discharge anyhow. We have" separate appliances for spinning the string as we go along, and ; well, I'm tiring you I fee ; I guess I'll say good night." He went, und to this moment I'm uncertain whether he was having me or not. Anyhow, when I meet the boys in the morning now they laugh and say, " Well, old 'un, what about the String Binders and the Gang Ploughs?" For my own part, I wish such things were swept off tho face of the earth, and the major portion of your staff along with them. N.B. —The above is almost the roughest business in the old man's long and varied experience.