LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume IX, Issue 1348, 10 June 1878, Page 3

LOAFER IN THE STREET.

[fboh the press.] Says a Northern paper:—" The position that Napier must some day assume is that of the Liverpool of the North Island. The idea is not ours ; it is the inspiration of our san~ ffvinary contemporary. The writer in the " Herald" who does the heavy thinking business, and the peering into the dim vista of future generations, has spoken, and we can all now cheerfully look forward to the period when this quiet little sea-side village will be a bustling port, the outlet of an enormous manufacturing district." The writer should really be more careful. It is not every reader who would divine that the epithet he applies to his contemporary is intended to read " sanguine." The GKsborne people gave a shooting festival on the Queen's Birthday, at which, I regret, some of our volunteers were not present. Among the prizes offered were bottled beer, an eight-day clock, a Tweed coat, a pair of boots, a table lamp, a bridle, a field glass, a turkey, bottles of ginger wine and brandy, a butter cooler, a round of beef, a book and half a ton of coals. A good shot might have come back in a good position to set up housekeeping, or have " a clearing Bale," which last seems a sure way of making money, if you can only keep on at it as long as some people here do. It is stated says an English journal that a fashionable poetess is about to attempt an important reform in female attire. The idea is to revive the costumes of the ancient Greeks. Not what Mr Ward calls the skandalous kostume of the Greek slave but something a little closer to it than fashion has yet authorised. I should judge too it would come pretty close too, for I iearn from a recent exchange that at one of the last drawing room receptions of Her Majesty, Lady Florence Somebody appeared in such a very decolette robe that the Queen remarked in a stage aside, Who is that woman ?" Lady Florence, besides being for the time the most distinguished woman in England, would be a good assistant to the reforming poetess, but it seems scarcely likely that the Greek costume will be generally adopted, as it appears that the ladies who pleaded to retain their stockings were refused, and| I'm told bv one who ought to know that this refusal will probably crush the Greek revival.

I am not versed in the arcana o£ racing, thus I felt a little surprised at being requested the other day to report a steeplechase which occurred at Waimate. I went, however, with the same shrinking susceptibility that crept over me when I reported a concert once for you, and got into two thrashings and a drawn fight the next day. The steeplechase was, I understand, in a sporting point of view, not so great a success as had been expected. In common with the general public, I thought otherwise. Here let me remark that the G.P. don't, as a rule, care much who wins a steeplechase, unless it has half a crown on a losing horse, which gives a man the delicious privilege of calling the whole affair a swindle. The G.P. goes to a steeplechase on the chance of seeing falls, and, if a casualty or two result, it much enhances the pleasure of the day's outing. On this occasion there were plenty of falls, and everything passed off well. I missed my old friend with his under and over table, a game which he assures a credulous public solaced the two Napoleons in their respective captivities, and which he informs me is really a philanthropic amusement. He argues this out on a theory peculiarly his own. He says that if his patrons invest their money with him, they don't drink. Thus the sobriety of the racecourse is preserved. Your sporting correspondent has told you all about the races. His account was far more incorrect than mine. I saw him swelling about in a borrowed suit, and travelling on a borrowed half-crown all day. Such is journalism, such is the result of a life of tips. Our return was varied. On the road back we were passed by a haughty journalist of the South, win drove his buggy in the style of a Roman charioteer, and wanted to race every one. He very near got an accident local out of it. The journay back by the train was a cheerful experience. We were an hungered when we reached Timaru, where we found five pork pies among about fifty men. The refreshment room wants re-organising perhaps. After passing Ashburton the lights went out in the carriage, and we ascertained the fact that a match will burn 45 sees. Three distinguished members of the Jockey Club, with a perseverance worthy of all praise, kept the carriage illumined by lighting relays of lucifers. We arrived in town at 2.30, and thought what a day we'd had. A live dog is better, we are told, than a dead lion. I expect this is pretty true, but I never knew until two days ago that a dead dog was of much value except in the way of a sweet reminiscence to the neighbors of his master. The following case in the R.M. Court has, however, altered my opinion ; " Uneegustebed Dogs.—George Mapstone was charged with having in his possession an unregistered dog. He pleaded that the dog was dead, and that it was not twelve months since the animal was registered. He was fined 205." If this hardened criminal had to pay 20s for a canine memory, what ought to be done to the owners of those numerous curs whose only call in life seems to be to exhibit themselves as curs on the corners of the street. In looking at certain dogs, as well as certain men, one often wonders for what purpose they were by a good Providence sent into the world. « J. W. DREWETT, BUILDING SURVEYOR, ARBITRATOR, AND VALUER. Quantities, Measurements, and Contents of Buildings, Earthworks, &c, &c, extracted and furnished." After a careful perusal of the above, I have come to the conclusion that Mr J. W. D. is unintentionally advertising himself as a burglar. This has probably never occurred to that gentleman. There is not much poetry in beasts, nor is there a superabundance of sentiment in sheep. 11l consequence I rarely take that interest in stock reports which my large stake in this bucolic community should perhaps require. I did read one the other day. I quote a selection beneath. " Fat cattle 26s to 30s per lOOlbs ; sheep, full-mouthed, medium, dull of sale ; wellfatted maiden wethers, good enquiry at 2 to 3d per 1b.." Aay sheepest who can devote a few moments of his valuable time in explaining the above to one who pines to know more and more of the ovine profession will oblige by calling round at the office of your paper. You will be in a position to ask us both to drink. A very good story comes from a place not five thousand mil"s from Christchurch. It , was decided to give a bachelors' ball. A secretary was appointed. He issued invitations with the usual R.S.V.P. at the foot of the card. Two neighbours in the squatting interest, who had both received invites, met and consulted solemnly over the four mystic letters. Long and intent was their conference, but not agreeing over the discussion, the result was that one accepted the invitation, ■ signing his name Peter Pelts, R S.V.P., while ' the other addressed the letter, signifying his happiness in attending—Blank, Esq., R.S.V.P. On their return they compared notes, and one thoughtfully observed, " Pelt*, we was mistaken about that there R.S.V.P. It means 'Really satisfactory ventilation provided." And bor.h hoped the secretary would not sp'iit on them. \ The late Colonial Architect was not remarkable for the beauty of his designs, but his successor is infinitely below him. The palm of ugliness, as applied to any building constructed for a special purpose may be given to the new Post and Telegraph offices in Keei'ton, which for hidoousr.css, are not equalled by any public building in the colony. A West Coast journal is answerable for the above. It is likely to strain the credulity of Christchurch readers to its furthest pitch, but if true, great goodness ! what a building it must be. Have you ever travelled in a coach with a fellow who put on side ? A very good story is told of such an one who recently travelled to the West Coast. His name was, let us say Naylor,and the driver, unfortunately not know-

ing better, pronounced this swell's patronymic l in the usual manner. For this he was reproved with much asperity, and informed that the correct pronunciation was Nay-tewr. At the next change one of the leaders was a bit gay at starting, and attracted the attention of the aristocratic globe trotter, who enquired his name from the driver. "Well," suavely replied Tommy, " we used to call him Growler, but in future I shall be careful to call him O-row-leur. It would seem the Jehu had not much the worst of it.