THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume IX, Issue 1254, 14 March 1878, Page 3

THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

[from the press.] Has it ever struck you how precious ignorant you are ? I don’t put this in a rude manner, but has not the fact been forced frequently upon you both in your reading and conversation. Did you ever get among a crowd of say six men, without at least four out of the mob knowing more about any subject from the points of a pug to the authorship of Junius than yourself. If they did not they thought they did, which amounts to the same thing after all. ’Tis the same in literature. lam reminded of this fact by a writer in the Hainan Shinshi, a writer who discourses on the fact that “ a free spirit is a source of national prosperity. His reflections on this topic induce the following statement :

“ Look through the pages of history. What sort of men have achieved the most glorious deeds, saying their nations from utter disgrace, and delivering their fellow creatures out of misery p You will find To who banished Ketsuo (a Chinese King) his wicked monarch ; Buo who got rid of the tyrant Chuo (also Chinese) : the Englishmen who secured Magna Charta for the good of their posterity: the Frenchmen who brought Louis the Sixteenth to the scaffold, and the Americans who struggled against the tyrant for their independence. Those are best known among great people in history.” Thus is the density of my ignoi’ance forced upon me. I know something about Magna Charta, Louis the Sixteenth, and George Washington and his axe, but To and Chuo I misremember. And yet this Jap, writer says both are celebrities. I’m afraid Chinese history is not pursued as it should be, and I make a present of the suggestions adduceable from the above paragraph to any examiner hard up for fresh historical conundrums. Do you remember the executive sailor officer in the Innocents Abroad, who remarked upon the folly of those Pilgrims who would so persistently pray for fair winds ; not thinking that what would be a fair wind to their ship would be a foul one to a thousand others. The inference is that there must be an antithesis to the adage of the ill wind blowing nobody good. A good wind ever must blow somebody ill. Even Father Hcnnebery’s praiseworthy crusade against the demon drink has rung things very low on a licensed victualler of this city. The L.V., like the man of old who made silver shrines for Diana— and the circumstances are so very similar that I must be pardoned for such a profane illusion—felt that the temperance Father was making things too warm. He resolved to encourage backsliding from the paths of watpr straight, and offered a free drink to any renegade who would produce the temperance medal and drink. The renegade was found. He drank, and bust-up his pledge j but alas! he did worse: he passed his medal on to others of the cabbing interest, and not till thirty-two drivers had refreshed did the landlord suspect there was anything ungenuine about the whole proceeding ; and now he has lost faith in human nature to the extent of thirty-one drinks. However, that amount of credulity is soon recovered by any landlord who knows his business.

In other days and happier hours it has been my lot to be associated with many gold mining associations. In connection wjth these associations I haye even unto tips day many mental associations of rby own.' One is the extraordinary disparity between the yields of gold in our preliminary assays and trial crushings and that actually realised when operations were actually commenced. This fact is called up to my mind by the result of ari assay made by Dr.' Hector of a Picton mine and published in the Government “ Gazette ” recently. Ilfere it is—6. From the leaders in the east cross drive, Sample of 1251 b Owt. dwt. gr. Hold in separate packet... ... 0 11 5 Obtained by amalgamation ... 3 5 0

Total yield per ton 3 16 5 Three cwt. to the ton. Three ozs. was not a had thing in my time. The Golden Point Reef is indeed rightly named. According to a x-ecent statement of a contotr.porary the Premier has promised that Tawhuio shall be gazetted as entitled to frank telegrams and letters. The Maori chieftain wanted the privilege extended to his secretary, and a very natural request top, I aqould think, under the- drcuihijtaiicps. ' Only to aybid those jealousies which I under eland pyexi the noble minds of Maoris are occasionally subject to, it would be as well, in the interests of peace and quiet, to extend gratuitous postage and free wires to Te Kcoti and our friend Tito Ivownro. They already appear to be on the free list in other matters which some people would consider even more important than postage. The “ Government Gazette ” is not by any means a comic journal, but occasionally one can obtain information, »pt to say amusement, f rbm its pages. As a case in point, I have been reading lately the reports of the Resident Agent in Jackson’s Bay on the Italian colonists in that spot. The R.A. in his first communication to His Honor the Superintendent of Westland, observes that they were fortunate in having fine weather for landing, and “around the blazing camp fire the part-singing of ti;c Italians was very fine. FVery Ohe 'seemed pleased qnd unpp/.”'‘ Later on, however, the Biiigista of the sunny south, so to speak, went back on immigi-ation; they were dissatisfied about not getting on their land—with having to live in tents, and with getting their poor feet wet. They wanted four-roomed houses. “ In fact” plaintively adds the R.A. “ they looked upon the Government in Wellington as a special providence. A number ofHi'ese people are almost like children.” If it be puerile to look upon the Government as fair game to go at* there are more hide in N.Z, than in any country

I have visited so far, but then the gay Italians will find out, as others have done before them, that the Government is not always affectionately paternal in the matter of gifts. I’m afraid, like many other fathers, it is a bit mercenary sometimes.

The Marlborough “ Express” has been handed a bank note to find the owner. The M. E. localises the fact that this note “ is a bore to us,” and if not claimed in the course of a week it is to be handed over to some charitable purpose. Now if such a circumstance had happened here —if any finder of a bank note did hand it over to any of our paper boys for identification—which I believe the public know us better—l feel quite sure no local would have been required. Any time you find a note you bring it around and see if I’m not right. Mr Crucible, in perusing the “Scientific American” a while ago, came across a description of a talking machine. The inventor briefly describes his machine thus : -“ An indented strip of paper travels under a second machine which may connect with the telephone. Not only is the speaker heard now, but by passing the strip again under the reproducer he may be heard to-morrow, or next year, or next century.” It may be stated, however, that this machine can be worked quite independently of the telephone. Mr Crucible elected to give this invention a fair show. He had two constructed. One he gave to the lady of his affections, who was going to Melbourne for a change. “ Talk frequently my heart’s only love,” said Mr C. “Always have the talking machine within range. It will be a supreme joy to me to reproduce your silver voiee if you’re only asking for more fried tripe.” The fair one did so, and several consecutive mails brought Mr Crucible volumes of fairly sweet sound. One day he commenced, so to speak, to reel off a conversation with his Emily, and this was what he heard, “ Sweetest pet, idol of my heart. Never till now did I realise the true felicity of loving and being loved—[Here was reproduced some chirrupping sounds, which the fond Crucible swallowed for kisses. They were eight in number.] Dearest Montmorency—Now Mr Crucible’s front name is John, and here it dawned on him that Emily was faithless. And then John sat down and warbled a succession of remarks through the talking instrument that will, perhaps, astonish Emily when she reels them off. That’s the worst of these new inventions, people are so apt to get mixed over them at starting.