LITERATURE.

Globe, Volume VIII, Issue 1057, 16 November 1877, Page 3

LITERATURE.

A REGIMENTVL MARTYR; Ok, how Gebard St. Hilary was drive* into Matrimony.

[London Society.]

(Continued.) He did not go into the barracks, but walked past them straight into Milchester, meeting on his way several of the officers returning to dinner. He evaded all their inquiries and offers to go back with him, and went on his way alone He stopped at the fist tinner's shop he came to, and purchased the largest Hour-dredger they had. This he took with him, in spite of the shopman's entreaties to be allowed to send it. Be next went to a general dealer's, and made another purchase which he put into his pocket with much care, and as though he were very much afraid the paper might burst. What could it be ?

Lieutenant St. Hilary went to the in°s9 that night with a face as innocent as that of a little child

'Well, Jerry, my boy,' quoth Captain Gurney,' 'what have you been doing today ?' Gerard looked at his superior sideways. He would have known what this display of affectionate interest meant without any previous warning. ' Rink,' answered he, with laconic laziness. ' Was the lovely Elinor there ?' 'Yes.' ' Did you see her home ?' 'Of course.' ' Have tea there ?' 'No; I had some shopping to do,' with a little grin at the remembrance of that same shopping. 'l'm downright done up. Tell you what it is : rinking is fifty times harder work than hunting. I shall turn in early to-night, to be fit for to-morrow,' with another small grin at the look of intelligence which passed round the room. ' Are any of you fellows going to the theatre to-night ? They're having " Caste." ' 'Yes,' answered Gurney; 'but I can't go. I've promised to go in and see old Patterson to-night; so I'm on duty.' *On duty,' thought Gerard; 'on duty with a sentry-box.' After this the conversation was on general topics; and soon after eleven o'clock (Gerard, with many yawns, departed, ostensibly to bed. To that haven of rest, however, he did not go, but, piling up his lire, threw himself into an easy-chair, and quietly bided his time.

H e had not long to wait; for presently he heard the sound of men treading lightly in their stockings. Thereupon he carefully snored, so as to make them believe he was safe in the arms of Morpheus. • He's fast asleep,' ho heard Middleton say.

'Then fetch it and be quick,' was the answer.

As noiselessly as possible the heavy sentry box was brought up and placed against his door. Then the officers, retreating, went laughing, and with much joking and bearfightiug, to t* eir different rooms, shutting the doors with good hearty bangs, which seemed to indicate retirements for the night. In a few moments a sharp knocking began at Gerard's door.

' Hallo !' bawled he, a sleepy voice ; ' who's there ?'

' Please, sir, the Colonel wants you at once. There's something wrong with B troop, sir. B troop was Gerard's. ' Tell the Colonel to go and be hanged,' was Gerard's unceremonious answer.

' I daren't, sir,' was the reply. ' You daren't!' Then go and be hanged yourself ! This fish don't bite.' 'He twigs it 1' shouted Middleton. ' Come out, you beggar, or we'll stove the door in.'

' Stove away, old man,' laughed Gerard, rising, and taking his flour-dredger to within a yard of the door. ' Come on!' yellei Gurney's voice. ' Yeave ho, push with a will, boys ; nothing like haymaking.' Gerard waited till they were all exerting their strength to the uttermost; then flung open the door, showering the contents of the flour-dredger upon them as they tumbled headlong into the room. ' Ah !' (sneeze.) ' Ugh !' (sneeze.) ' Brute !' (sneeze, sneeze.) ' I'll pay you out for this !' gasped Gurney, shaking his fist at Gerard, while the tears ran down his face. 'Will you?' laughed Gerard, sending another shower full into his face; ' then take that, and that, and that, and make hay elsewhere confound you! I'm about sick of this game ;' as he spoke keeping up a continual shower upon the intruders. Baving, swearing, spittiug, sneezing, choking, and stamping, the crestfallen officers made the best of their way down the corridor in all the ignominy of utter defeat. From head to foot they were covered with the strongest white pepper, the embroidery on their mess-jackets forming grand receptacles for the frightful powder. Their hair, eyes, noses, mouths, and moustaches were all filled with it, and it was hours before the terrible sneezing and choking subsided. So thoroughly was it scattered over each practical joker, that for several days the opening of a door or window would send a fresh waft of it across the ante-room or dinnertable, to the intense disgust of the more peaceable disposed members, who were loud in their demands that for the future St Hilary should be left in peace. In peace, however, Gerard St. Hilary was not allowed to remain. On making his ap pearance in the mess-room the morning following the feu du poivre, he was greeted with a volley of forage caps, newspapers, and other small missiles of a similar ckai-aoter.

He came into the room with a jolly laugh, his blue ©yea shining with merriment, and looking, in his well got-up hunting co&tume, as he always did look, 'thoroughbred.' ' Expect a good run this rooming, Gur ney 1' he began, as he aas down, ' or is your cold too bad ? ' ' My cold ?' said that gentleman interrogatively. " Y®* I heard a good deal of sneezing in my vicinity last nigh 6 ' 'Ah, you rascal,' cried Gurney, laughing in spite of himself; ' we are going to pay you out for that fine trick.' ' By Jove, how you did sneeze!' cried Gerard, with shrieks of laugh+ur. This was it, Major : "Ugh! " (sneoac); "Ah?" (aaeese); " Brute! " (choke); « I'll pay you

out for this !" (sneeze, choke, choke, sneeze.) Gad, it was fine !'

* Serve them right,' growled the Major ; ' they'll let you alo-e now, St. Hilary.' ' Will we!' cried a chorus of voices ; ' don't flatter yourself, Jerry.' At this moment another officer in ' pink' entered the room, and seated himself next to *t. Hilary.' my soul, Jerry,' he began, 'but that was a scurvy trick you played us last night. I can't get your coufounded pepper out of my moustaches.'

'That's awkward for you, Jack, laughed Gerard. 'lt's my idea that when fellows get engaged to be married they shoald leave their neighbours in peace.' 'Perhaps you're right,' answered Jack Hilton. ' Anyhow, I left my man cursing you after the fashion of Rheims ; but, unlike the little Jackdaw, yon seem to flourish under it amazingly.' ' I had an uncommonly good night; and you'd better tell your man that "curses, like chickens, come home too roost." '

' I think his come home to him with every shake of my clothes or movement of his brush,' cried Hilton, laughing. ' Ha, hf,, ha!' screamed Gerard, in high glee. 'Well, I must be off. Are you coming, Jack?'

At the door he turned back to fire a parting ahot. ' I hope on my return, my dear fellows, to find that the influenza is somewhat improved.'

'You were a big fool too, Jerry,' said Jack Hilton gravely, as the two rode through the soft November fog. ' I never saw any fellow in such a rage as Gurney was in last night—never in all my life. He swore he would be revenged on you ; take my word for it he will. They're going to fill your bed with beetles to-night.' 'That's pleasant,' said Gerard grimly. ' However, you are a good fellow to tell me. And now let us talk of something else; what's done cannot be undone, and I suppose I must grin and bear it.' They found the meet that day but very poorly attended. There was only one lady present Of course that one was Elinor Warwick.

' Well,' she inquired eagerly, as Gerard rode up, ' how did it answer?' •0, if you'd only been there!' cried Gerard, giving her a graphic description of the stampede ; but ending with, * I hear from Hilton that I am to suffers perfect martyrdom of retaliation.' 'PoorthiDg!' said Elinor softly; whereupon Gerard forgot all his troubles, and only remembered that, whatever happened, he would be sure of Elinor's loving pity and commiseration.

The word which he had used to Elinor Warwick in jest was realised by him in all its stern hideousness. A martyr he in very truth became. It seemed as if his tormentors could neither forget nor forgive the feu dit, puivre. They no longer dared disturb him at night -their fear of his p pierpot was too wholesome ; but by e *ery other means in their power did they woiry and annoy him. His bed was, as Jack Hilton had predicted, filled with cockroaches ; and this course was followed up by frogs, dead mice, fender and fire-irons, plentiful administration of lard and wet sponges His boots were filled with burrs or cobbler's wax, and, in fact, his life was made a burden to him. On the day of the ball, however, matters came to a climax.

It was a fortnight after the feu du poivre. The officers had tried their best to get Gerard made ' orderly' on that day, but failed ; and whilst he was down at the rink with Miss Warwick, set their wits to work to devise some new form of torture. They went to the Colonel, and asked as a great favour that dressing for mess might be excused, on the plea that it would be a great nuisance to dress twice, and their full dress was very inconvenient to diine in on account of the heat.

' You see Colonel,' said they, ' we shall be obliged to dance all night, and we want to begin as cool as possible.' With a slight demur the Colonel consented, and then they knew that their trick was safe.

Gerard went in rather late, and on hearing that dressing was excused, went to dinner without going near his rooms. At nine o'clock one of the mess-waiters came behind his chair, and whispered that his man wanted him at once.

From the sudden ' hush ' in the room poor Gerard suspected mischief. His man was awaiting him at the door with an anxious face.

' What's the matter ?' demanded Gerard. ' 0, sir,' exclaimed he, ' I hardly dare tell you.' Gerard dashed up to his room, and there on the bed lay his full-dress and messjackets, with every seam neatly ripped up. Going to the ball was out of the question; etiquette would not permit him to go in ordinary evening attire. • Don't look like that, sir,' said Jones, in an imploring tone-for Gerard had never uttered one word, but stood gazing on the wreck of his property, growing whiter and whiter every moment—' don't look like that; I've sent for the master tailor. I should think he will be able to get them sewn up in something like time.' In a few minutes that functionary arrived, but could not promise that the work should be complete before midnight. For three weary hours did Gerard pace his room, giving no answer to the various knocks from the men who wanted to know how their trick had succeeded.

Soon after midnight Gerard was in a cab, driving as fast as possible to the assembly roorns, where the ball was given. Colonel Vane, with whom he was a great favourite, was standing near the door when he passed in.

' Well, my boy,' he said kindly, ' you are very late.' • Yes, sir, I am rather,' answered Gerard, his voice shaking still. ' Why, what's the matter, St Hilary ? you are very white. Are you not well ?' ' Yes, thanks. Colonel;' and Gerard passed on Now Gerard was engaged to Miss War*dck for the first, fifth, tenth, and sixreenth dances. The tenth, he very well kuew, was the supper waltz. He found that the ninth was then being danced ; so, after all, though he had missed two dances with ner, he was not so very badly off. (To he continued.)