LITERATURE.

Globe, Volume VIII, Issue 885, 26 April 1877, Page 3

LITERATURE.

HOUSE MOVING. Danbury News. Smudge doesn’t like house moving, lie has just tried it, and I know by the manner in whieh he swears—l never heard him swear before he moved —that his patience must have been sorely tried during the process. He has confided to me the whole story. The day before the movieg was to be done, he went in search of a careful man to come with his wagon and do the hauling. The man was found; an hour and price were agreed upon, and that evening Smudge hurried home to help his wife pull up the carpets, take down the curtains and do other little things incidental to housemoving. Ho found her in a corner of the parlour tugging vigourously at a very obstinate carpet; her head surmounted with a towel, and her whole bearing indicating extreme mental and physical excitement. Catching sight of her husband she sank breathlessly upon an inverted clothes basket and assured him in a whisper she should faint. A little encouragement from him caused her to forego the threatened disaster, and after he had rested awhile and he had taken off bis coat they went at the carpet together. It yielded more readily to the superior strength of Smudge, so readily as sometimes to cause him to sit down very suddenly near the middle of the room when he had no intention of resting. His wife told him to be sure to remove the tacks as he went along, and in complying he got his hands badly scratched, but he had so much to think of that was of a really important nature he did not mind it at all.

About seven o’clock Smudge began to get hungry, and ventured to ask if supper was nearly ready. At this the little woman at his side sank on the clothes basket again, and whispered that she hadn’t strength left to prepare any supper, and there was nothing in the house if she had. Then Smudge put on his hat to go to the nearest restaurant, and procure something ready cooked for both, but Mrs Smudge screamed at the thought of being left alone (her ‘ help’ had left her at the first intimation of moving', and as she was in no fit state to accompany him, and hadn’t any strength left to make herself so, he sat down on the basket beside her to rellect what were best to be done.

‘My dear,’ she said, ‘had you not better take down those pictures of pa and ma, and have so much done ? You know they must be tied together—the step-ladder’s in the hall —and there’s a lot to do up-stairs !’ ‘ All very line, my dear, but I’m deuced hungry. What’s the matter with this in fernal gas ?’ she heard him exclaim from the hall, whence an impatient scratching of matches reached her sensitive car.

‘ Why, love, the gas man came this morning and took the meter away,’ she went to the door to explain.’

‘ Dolt that 1 was to settle with them last night. What are we to do, Mrs Smudge, for light to work by ?’ She quietly went to a closet in the back room, and fishing out two tallow candles, which Margaret, the cook, before leaving had forgotten to use, the problem was solved. One of the candles was at once lighted, some of the grease allowed to drip !>n an end of the mantle, and there it was s uck to shed its mellow radiance upon the further proceedings of the pair Smudge set the step ladder against the wall and too n down the portrait of a very red faced old gentleman with mussed hair, ■whom Mrs Smudge, with great pride and pomp, was went to introduce : o new made acquaintances as her ‘dear dead papa.’ The frame was quite heavy and Smudge was obliged to rest it on the ladder while he turned himself round anil got in position to hand it down to the expectant arms of the fond surviving daughter. In some way his foot became entangled in the cord, and giving a kick to disengage it, the unhappy member passed through the canvass and came out at the red-faced old gentleman’s check, and his wife fainting at this moment, Smudge unconsciously let go the picture, his foot still in it, and both tottered and came to the floor. The insensible lady was restored through the united efforts of her husband and a cup of vinegar which the miserable man, in his excitement mistaking it for water, dashed into her face. Of course Mrs Smudge could do no more that night, and was carried with great tenderness to her bed on the upper floor. The troubles of the pair did not end with their entrance into the new house, though Smudge thought they should, and left his office early the next afternoon, anticipating an affectionate reception at home from his wife, attired in her best and seated in their handsomely-furnished parlour. Men are so unrea enable. She was laying carpet in one of the upper rooms and put up her mouth full of tacks to be kissed. Of course there was nothing for it but to take off his coat and help her. The hammer would insist on falling out of the handle occasionally, and revenged itself upon Smudge for his efforts to effect a recon cliation between them, by pioundiug his lug clumsy fingers as they vainly endeavoured to hold a tack, and drive it home. At last ho Hung down the hammer, in a rage, and sucking his wounded lingers started on a reconnoisauce. The furniture first engaged his attention. There was his easy chair, with a castor gone and a great stain in the seat where an oil can had evidently rested ; here was his dressing mirror, a few broken bits of glass remaining in the frame and grinning diabolically at him as he looked into them ; behind the door stood the parlor sofa, bemoaning the loss of a leg. Leather bottom dining room chairs With no backs, served as pedestals for kitchen piots and kettles, they in turn acting as repoait ories for broken china ; bedding with great gaps in the side was giving holidays to the feathers; books lay scattered around, and Smudge, as he surveyed the scene, was in doubt for some minutes as to whether he were not transported to some junk shop. His blood boiled when Ids wife told him they must sleep on the floor, the screw’s for the bed having got mislaid, and the pool’ man talked wildly in his sleep all night. Smudge vow’s he shall stay in that house for ever. No more moving for him. Only get thing’s to rights once more and the land

lord may charge what he likes. Smudge will stay and see it collected. The cellar may be damp and inhabited by goblins, the roof may be a veritable s eve, fevers may abound and chaos come again, but ho shall stick, and readers, between ourselves, I believe he will.