NOTES FROM LYTTELTON.

Globe, Volume VIII, Issue 824, 12 February 1877, Page 3

NOTES FROM LYTTELTON.

The Viscount has been the great excitement of the week. How he must have laughed in his sleeve at the dupes he made. I believe had not one detective happened to know the family, that we should have persuaded ourselves that he really was a live nobleman. He made the best of his time on the passage out though, for I hear his grog bill alone amounted to no less than £lB7, and he only bad £4 to work on. I should propose that immediately he is liberated he should be made a member of the finance committee of our Borough Council, for a man who can lay out £4 to bring such interest as that is certainly a greater genius than either our financier, the Delphic Oracle, or even the great Julius himself. The knowledge our Viscount showed with regard to his family was astonishing. He said his father was 54, that he had two sisters, and that he could not recollect how many brothers he had, for he was always disagreeing with them. “Burke’s Peerage” states the Earl of Winchelsea was born in 1808. How he is only 54 now is one of those things which a fellow can’t understand. Whatever his Lordship intended to do with all the empty collar boxes is what I cannot comprehend, without, owing to their being round, he intended to fill them with those circular notes of which he discoursed so lusciously to his fellow passengers.

There was another case in Court that was rather amusing. A publican sued a man for a long outstanding debt, and when asked whether defendant was able to pay, replied, 41 c Of course he can, he has been a Good Templar for months.” Was there ever more bitter satire than this. The defendant’s ideas of money were original too. He was ordered to pay £2 per mouth, but said that was impossible, as ke only got 9s a day, and he thought it would be better for him to go to prison for two months. How that man could argue that he saved anything by losing £2 14a per week to avoid paying 10s per week is a caution.

Great alarm has been excited in Lyttelton by huge placards being posted on the walls bearing the ominous words “ All England are coming.” We hear preparations for defence are being made in Christchurch, but there is not a single battery in our town, so what are we to do? I noticed on Thursday, during the trial of the Viscount, an anxious consultation taking place between the R.M. and his clerk, to the latter of whom I believe every man, woman, and child in Lyttelton would look for protection in the event of any disturbance, so great is the general opinion of his commanding powers. If the higher authorities would take a suggestion from one so humble as myself, I would suggest that the Deputy Harbor Master be to lay a line of dynamite cartridges

between the breakwaters. I know that he has given deep thought to the subject, having destroyed several herrings by the process, and frightened a good many more. The artillery would of course be placed near the Orphanage, under Captain Geraud s command, while the armed citizens generally might be stationed at the corners in Norwich Quay, for there is little doubt that either the Mitre, the Royal, the British, or the Canterbury will be the spots the enemy will make for, and I know no other places where Portonians would be likely to make a more stubborn defence.

At a meeting of the Colonists’ Society, held last week, the committee were informed by the librarian that several books had been returned in a dirty and mangled condition, and that one, “Foster’s Life of Dickens,” had had some of the plates stolen out of it. Disgraceful! I should think it was. Here is an institution trying with limited means at its command to do good service by encouraging reading, and spreading knowledge not only amongst Portonians, but also amongst the sailors that visit our port, and the encouragement met with is that a townsman subscribes 5s for a quarter, and then takes double the money out of the books. By the bye, the sight of that reading room must be very encouraging to the society. Evening after evening one sees it occupied by seafaring men, who evidently richly enjoy the perusal of the illustrated and other papers and periodicals. In a town like Lyttelton, where with this one exception public houses are the only places of recreation, a reading room like this is indeed a boon worthy of the support of the Government and the townspeople, and to see those bearded voyagers spelling through a tale, which with their limited means they could not have perused in any other way, would, I am sure, have made the face of John Robert Godley assume a pleasanter aspect than it does in that gloomy portrait which hangs on the walls; but he would also have to frown, often and often, at the sight of unworthy Portonians, who, though they have means at their command, and reside here, grudge the paltry 5s per quarter which is asked for the support of the institution, and nightly sneak in to have a cheap read.

Mr Lusk, in a report which appeared of the proceedings of the General Synod, is stated to have said “that he thought the hymns had more effect in the long run than the sermonsand Mr Carlcton gave it as his opinion, during the same debate, that there was very little difference between one hymn and another. Now with the first speaker “Portonian” entirely agrees; the principal part of the congregation of every church consists of ladies, who, judging from their appearance, and the remarks one hears them make, think a very great deal of dress, and would never dream of worshipping publicly in a shabby costume; now that these ladies do not dress for the sermon is evident, and, if they don’t dress for the sermon what do they dress for? why the hymns (hims) to be sure, therefore the hymns have more effect in the long run that the sermons, Q.E.D. Again, I once knew a religiously inclined maiden who was not too well favored; she used to revel in sermons; but after years of patient labor she got a chance at a him; didn’t she take it sharp. The second statement, that there is very little difference between one hymn and another, we entirely disagree with, and ask the ladies to bear us out.

The cocoanut ship has gone, and before many weeks are past will be on her way to that wondrous archipelago which spreads from Australia to Japan. In these prosaic days, when the world is getting so well explored that theatrical companies speak familiarly of the King of JBurmah;and tribes of Central Africa are aware of the price of bread in ‘London, it is quite refreshing to meet with those who have been in these little frequented isles. The life must indeed be a lonely and weary one, but still there is the consciousness of doing good, and spreading order and peace amongst a number of cannibals, “ Portonian” must say that all were welcome on board the Dayspring, whatever their denomination, and that the beautiful cleanliness, excellent arrangements, and admirable collection of curiosities aboard the vessel, delighted all visitors.

Where is Gooseberry Hill ? Several times lately in travelling down Norwich Quay at night have I heard the mystic words “Gooseberry Hill” whispered in mysterious tones by dark figures. What can it mean ? One has heard the expression “ I’ll cook his goose,” and perhaps Gooseberry Hill is the place where the awful deed is consummated.

“ Portonian” has it on good authority that an energetic young gentleman is training a twenty-two to play the English eleven. As it is calculated it would take all Port to put out the Englishmen in a week, the following may be an interesting question to put to the Borough School boys:—lf it takes the whole of Lyttelton a week to dismiss the Englishmen, how long will it take this young gentleman and his twenty-two ? If there is any boy in the school who can answer this correctly, “ Portonian ” will immediately present him with a gold watch and chain.

We have a new sixpenny barber in London street. He is on the other side of the street this time, and bursts out into poetry quite equal to that provided by the crew of the Waipa, and given to an appreciative public by our dear friend the Star.

The dead dog is still reposing tranquilly on the road to the Gladstone Pier. As an emblem of strength in repose he is perhaps unequalled in his present stage of decomposition, Many who have to go round to the Gladstone Pier regularly begin to look on him as an old friend, and watch his gradual demolition with regret. I am happy to state he has been going more slowly lately, being too high even for the rats. Surely amongst the number of Government servants one could be appointed to ace to things of this sort.

POETONTAN.