HUMOUR.

Globe, Volume VII, Issue 745, 8 November 1876, Page 2

HUMOUR.

First schoolgirl (sweet eighteen)—” lam so tired of walking along by twos and twos in this way ! It’s as bad as the animals going into the Ark 1” Second ditto (ditto ditto)—•' Worse 1 half of them were masculine 1”

At the Seaside. —(Thermometer 85deg in the shade on the pier.)—Seasideist (already very much sunburnt) —“Why am I like an English poet ?” Charles (his friend) —“ Too hot for guessing. Give’t up.” Seasideist (slowly) —“ Because I’m Browning.” Charles (his friend —up till that moment) —“ Oh !” Retires under an umbrella and dozes. Curtain. — Punch.

He Spoke Feelingly.— “ I suppose,” remarked a Chigaco man to a gentleman of Michigan, “ there are plenty of saw-mills in your state.” The gentleman of Michigan replied, “ Shud say there wuz. Why, Michigan is getting’so dern full uv saw-mills that you can hardly meet a man thar war more’n two fingers on a hand. ” And, sticking up his own, on which was a single finger, he quietly added, “ I’ve shuck hands with um myself!” A business man of Detroit who had some excrescences removed from his feet by a local corn doctor, about a year ago, called at his office a few days ago to have a bunion treated. “You are not the person who was here a year ago,” said the patient. “No,” allowed the chiropodist; “that was my brother. “Is he still in the business?” inquired the caller. “ Not exactly ; he’s not in this branch of the profession ; he’s now on the lung. The custom of appointing young lawyers to defend pauper criminals received a backset the other day in an American district court. His Honor Judge Noonan had appointed two young lawyers to defend an old and experinced horse thief. After inspecting his counsel for some time in silence, the prisoner rose in his place and addressed the Bench, “Air them to defend me ?” “Yes, sir,” said his Honor.” “ Both of ’em ?” inquired the prisoner. “Both of them,” responded the judge. “ Then I plead guilty,” and the poor devil took his seat and sighed heavily. “Awful Gardiner” was a well-known pugilist and sporting character in New York, On one occasion he went to Newark with a “ select party” to give a sparring exhibition. The negro who had charge of the hall where the show was to take place was of gigantic stature, and one of the party wagered a bottle of wine that “ Awful Gardiner” could not knock the negro down with his fist. They all waited in the hall for the coming of the sable janitor with lights. He approached with a candle shaded in his hands, and, as he came within arm’s reach, the ‘ ‘ Awful ” measured him and struck him square from the shoulder. The negro hardly winked. He simply turned his head round towards the pugilist, and said, “ Gemmea, please be a little car’ful ob yer elbows."